How do I keep friends from visiting in the hospital too soon?

[wifey2013]

Hi ladies,

I'm super excited to meet our son soon. We know that we want an hour or two to ourselves with the baby before people start visiting. The only people we want meeting him right after birth are our parents. That's all. My problem is this one friend I have who I just know if she hears I am in labor will show up at the hospital just so she can say she was the first friend to visit. My husband and I both really don't want any friends to visit until after our family (aunts, uncles, etc.) meets our little guy.

I've already said it in a nice way to my friends, that we don't want visitors until we're moved out of labor and delivery and into a room, but I still feel like if we even mention that I'm in labor this one person will show up.

I'm trying to prepare a mass text message for my husband to send out only once the baby is born to our friends. Is it rude to say that the nurses aren't letting anyone in and we'll inform all of our friends once we're moved into our own room?

 

[tcinks]

Well, you'd think your friends would respect your wishes. :/ But if not, they won't be let in the room wIthout your permission. You can have the nurses tell them that if you don't want to sound rude(although I don't feel like that is rude, you want some time, completely understandable! ) And I wouldn't tell anyone until the baby was born and you're ready for visitors.

 

[amanda111308]

I agree, I honestly wouldn't say anything at all until the baby has arrived. When I had my ds I made the facebook announcement when he was about 5 hours old for exactly your reasons. I wanted bonding time with him and to have a few attempts nursing and for immediate family to come give him his family welcoming. There's nothing worse than a crowded room and for some reason people don't seem to know when to leave... Some people stay way too long and to help alleviate that it might be best to get some quality time in right at the beginning.

 

[Selaphyna]

I also wouldn't say anything until after baby is here. If you need to use the nurse excuse, I would. I don't think its rude. It's your right to spend time with lo and oh right after the birth, as well as get the rest you need before visitors come.

I was induced with DS1, but I honestly wish I wouldn't have said anything to friends because I had a lot of people waiting in the waiting room when I had him. Yes labor really didn't last too long but I didn't really get to rest.

With DS2, went into labor naturally. Labored at home until my waters broke at 1am. We didn't tell anyone until after 7am (lo was born at 3:20am). This time around I didnt have any family/friends close by, but we were supposed to call my dad when I went into labor. Since it was at 1am that we went to hospital and I had lo so quickly, we figured to call after everyone started to get up for the day.

 

[krulci]

Labor came on super quickly and ended quickly for me, so there wasn't much time to think of telling anyone, but it was nice not to worry about updating everyone while going through the process. Only after DS was born did DH start leaking newborn photos to family. Of course, my MIL rushed over immediately (maybe an hour after delivery) and was there just in time to see me pass out and hemorrhage on the floor. So for that reason alone, we are waiting HOURS to tell anyone this time. When I came-to, I had an unwelcome audience above me. The nurses probably would have kept them out, but in the rush of emergency, no one is thinking about that. Better to wait, I say!

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

We'll be calling our parents when I'm in labor but holding off on telling friends or anyone else until LO is born and I've had time to rest. I don't want to allow it onto facebook until the following day so that we can bond and get some sleep before people randomly show up to see her.

 

[wifey2013]

Thanks ladies, the more I think of it, the more you're all right. There are some friends I want to inform when I'm in labor, but I don't feel it's right to tell some and not others, more specifically the main person I am referring to above. My other friends would/will all respect my space and wouldn't just show up - especially without asking. Instead I may keep the labor process to myself, DH, and immediate family, and ask that none of them say anything until LO is here.

Only once we are transferred and settled in a room, hopefully within a few hours after delivery, then we will make the announcement to our friends.

I just find this all so stressful because of one person. I know it would just be easier not to tell her until the baby arrives, but if she finds out anyone else knew before her she would freak, and it would make things worse for me. It's such a complicated situation and she is such a delicate person and trying to reason with her and explain things would just cause more of a mess. I wish life was easy. LOL.

Thanks again for all the answers, I truly appreciate the input.

 

[Alyssa Drough]

In my hospital no visitors were allowed in the delivery rooms, only on the post natal ward, which had set visiting times. It was about 2-3 hours before I was taken to the ward anyway.

 

[kt0326]

I was worried like you about people turning up while I was in labour and just after giving birth but I made a plan to not tell anyone i was in labour and thats what I did. We called family after she was born, but because of the way the labour went and then having stitches after, I didn't call anyone until 2-3 hours after because the time just flew by and there was so much going on, then we told friends the next morning. As others have said friends should understand. The midwifes can stop anyone coming in you don't want to and they wouldn't just say you had said that.
From my waters braking and contractions starting I couldn't tell you where my phone was and I thought i'd at least tell a few people, so you might find your focusing so much on labour you forget to tell people anyway.
The time after you've had your baby is so amazing and special have it you way for as long as possible! x

 

[Kiki1993]

Just be honest, if I am honest you will get caught out by lieing that the nurses say no friends in L&D because hospitals have protocol to follow, and they don't give one rule to one family and another rule for another family and chances are your friend has already had a friend/family member or herself been in L&D so she will know you aren't being truthful about the nurses telling you no. Just say "I would appreciate it if you don't come to the hospital until we text saying you can, I just really want to make sure we bond as a family and our family see him before friends" .. a friend told me something among those lines and I found it quite funny because I have a way of thinking and always have thought that the hospital is for family and close close friends and then everyone else is at home. I rarely visit a woman in the hospital after birth, i congratulate her over text, and then tell her I will visit when she is settled .. I would hate to be over whelmed straight after birth so I will probably tell friends to visit once we are home instead of in the hospital
I always thought t was an unwritten rule that it is only family in the hospital and friends once you get home

 

[zilla]

I wouldn't call someone who turned up at the hospital against my wishes a "friend"!

We're not telling anyone when we go into labour, except one relative who is going to come and look after DS1.
I've already said to my friends that I don't want visitors, as when I had DS1 it was 2 weeks before we got an entire day to ourselves, so I've told them that we'll meet them at a restaurant for Sunday lunch or something and get everyone in one place, so they can all meet her then instead of having one person one evening and one person another evening. Plus that way, dinner is sorted one evening which is another less thing to worry about.
None of my family except one member drive and wouldn't bother getting a taxi over, which is a relief.
I've had our wishes clear to everyone that we want a couple of days to ourselves first, as this time we have DS1 to think about and it's more important for him to spend time with his baby sister and adjust than be overwhelmed with visitors.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

If you ask nurses to help you out about keeping people away they will though. When my grandmother had a heart attack certain family members only came at night and it was exhausting to her so after speaking with nurses they started turning people away after a certain hour even though there wasn't a set rule of visiting hours.

 

[bounceyboo]

im telling people from the start that as I am having a section this time around and no1 is allowed in until our son and ourselfs have had time with the baby and if you show up I wont let you in simple as, respect you wishes no one has waited more for this baby than my husband and I so wait until I am ready to see people after major surgery and our son gets to meet his bother im really passionate about it coz I really wanted my mam to be one of the first to meet my first born and husbands parents came in 2 hours before set visiting hours and I was still getttin over surgery, hadn't showed yet stank of vomit and husbands father started takin photos I told him to stick that camera where the sun don't shine they didn't stay long after that! ive husband warned that if they pull that stunt again they wont see the baby I know that they tuned up when oh nephew was literally just born and not out of lnd yet, ridiculous they weren't thee when the baby was made why should they be allowed in when you don't want them to, you might notice I cant stand oh parents esp his dad!!

 

[MrsKChicago]

Does everyone know what hospital you're going to? If they don't, you could probably send out a "Baby's on the way!" text and just not specify where you are. Can't wait in the waiting room if you don't know which waiting room, right? And of course you're going to be too busy with labor to answer everyone's texts...

I'd just make it clear to all friends that you won't be letting anyone in until family has met the baby. The nurses will back you up. If she wants to waste her time sitting in the waiting room for six hours, that's her problem. I have one friend who will want to wait in the waiting room, and I've already warned her that we'll probably want some bonding time before we let anyone in, and family will come first unless they're delayed for ages (but I know she'll respect my choices).

The only sure way, though, is to not tell her you're in labor. Only you know if the benefits outweigh the negatives in that scenario.

 

[RaspberryK]

I didn't tell anyone that I was in labour, dh stupidly let his parents know though.
I wouldn't have any visitors at the hospital personally - not that we had time for any there as I wasn't kept in.
This baby I'll be limiting/ having no visitors for the first few days at least.
Xx

 

[Mommy2missR]

IDK why you have to tip toe around your 'friend'... It's YOUR baby and YOUR birth experience. I understand she's delicate but I would straight up tell her no... tell her you will text her when you are ready for visitors and if she wants to rush right in, all the more power to her.

 

[DJMooMoo79]

That's actually a lot nicer then I would have put it lmao. I told friends AND family that they will be texted once when I go into labor and again when I'm home, and that in no way whatsoever were they invited to the hospital and would be turned away if they thought otherwise. But my friends and family needed to hear it harsh like that, or else they would just be like, "oh I'm sure she didn't mean it"

 

[petitpas]

We just said nobody at the hospital (although we called my parents over in the evening). Then we set a few hours at the weekend when our friends and family could visit us and meet our son. I think we'll be doing the same again this time as there was no stress and with set times nobody overstayed their welcome.