How do I stop offending people??

[Younglutonmum]

First off I don't want to offend anyone & i'm definitely no snob

Basically those of you who don't like to accept second hand bits for your baby. How do you say no without like I said, offending someone or coming across as a snob? When I found out I was pregnant again I started saving like mad & i've spent the last 7 months on the tightest budget so I could buy everything for the baby by myself. I've had no treats for myself at all but it's totally worth it. Now i'm coming to the end of my pregnancy more & more people have been offering bits for the baby. It's really kind of them & I do appreciate it but i've never been one for putting second hand stuff on my children. Like I said, if I want something, i'll budget. I've tried saying 'oh that's so kind but i've got plenty of clothes now' but people ALWAYS respond with 'you can never have too much'

I always feel like a right cow but it's just as I am. I see nothing wrong woth second hand stuff at all but I enjoy saving up & buying for my baby on my own. I think it's just my pride & it's how my mum has always been. I'm just feeling awful as I feel like i'm offending so many people!

 

[Periwinkle]

I can't see how that would offend anyone. Just add that you don't have any room for anything more.

 

[Maman]

same here... i have a load of stuff in the cupboard that ive been given. now im just sayign i have no room, babys drawers are full etc but if i need anything i'll be sure to let them know

 

[nicolefx]

I don't mind second hand (buying pram & crib second hand) as long as it's in great condition and I really like it. I'm guessing our situations are a bit different though because i'm 18 and didn't find out till I was 19 weeks that I was pregnant LOL! So buying some expensive things second hand means I can still do it all on mine & OH's wages rather than relying on anyone else luckily. I do completely get where your coming from though - I keep getting lovely offers of things from people and as much as I really appreciate it, it tends to be for things I don't really want second hand and I can afford to go out and buy them. My mum's boss keeps offering me a cotbed and my mum thinks I should take it and if I don't like/want it then give it to a charity shop so I don't hurt her feelings. It's hard because you don't want to offend people and sound snobby but you know what you want. Sorry not much help but just wanted you to know your not alone LOL! As well I keep thinking a few years down the line i'll probably be offering people the same . xxx

 

[Nyn]

Just say you have no more room left, but thank you

If you don't have one of what they are offering, say you've already ordered one

 

[babyl2be]

If they really wont take no for an answer just agree and then give them to a charity shop or recycling center, problem solved

 

[Periwinkle]

If they really wont take no for an answer just agree and then give them to a charity shop or recycling center, problem solved

Now that would offend me!

 

[babyhopes2010]

wss ^ just be honest you have the stuff already but thanks x

 

[Younglutonmum]

A few people have said to me I should just accept the stuff & then give it away or stick it in the cupboard but I think that's more offensive. I think i'd be really annoyed if I gave something to someone & they then went & gave it to charity or just stuck it away where it is of no use to anyone. I'd rather someone just say no thanks so I could give it to a home that needs/wants it.

I've found aswel that alot of peole are offering me back stuff of Mayas that I gave them 3 years back. I won't put that on the baby either but as it was mine in the first place I don't feel guility about about taking it back & binning it lol

 

[88Keys2]

To me, it seems more offensive for them to be so freakin' pushy about it! I kind of agree with what has been said. Politely decline, tell them you don't have room, etc. If they still insist, then take it and donate it to charity or give it to someone you know who really needs it. I don't think there is anything wrong with that- once someone gives you something (especially after you tried to decline it), they have no say in what you do with it.

 

[aley28]

Ugghhh... I'm having this problem with a bed. We need to move our toddler into a bed so we can give the crib to the baby. I just want to buy him a twin sized bed, as he'll need one in a year or two anyway. But all summer, my mom is going to garage sales and sending me pictures of cheap little toddler beds that she found. "Well, I just thought that it would work for now, as a transition bed, until you find something you like better." Yes, mom, I know. But, no, I don't want it. I don't want a car bed, a jeep bed, a dinosaur bed, etc. We're just going to buy a wooden twin sized bed with a brand new mattress and sheets that have never been used by somebody else's kid. I mean, you don't know what has gone in that bed! And it makes no sense to buy a frame and mattress with the intention of tossing out the mattress, am I right?

Then my MIL bought a stupid, cheap little toddler bed about a year ago. Its in almost brand new condition because DS has only slept in it once or twice. Oh, except their dogs used it for a bed almost every night. But she's apparently realized that DS doesn't sleep over there often enough for it to make sense to have a toddler bed specifically for him (and he never will have weekly sleepovers over there, either ) so she's decided that she'll just give that bed to us. Its Toy Story themed. Cheap looking. Ugly. And their dogs were using it as a bed for months and months! HECK NO I DON'T WANT IT! But what does my husband do? After his stupid mother gets pushy about it, says that we'll take it. Aw, WTF... I am not in the habit of taking stuff off somebody else's hands just so that we can find a way to get rid of it for them. She hasn't brought it over yet, so I am desperately trying to find and "accidentally" order a twin size before she does.

I agree that it is totally rude of people to push these things on us! I don't want it. I have a plan. Please back off and give it to somebody else. Like, I don't know, somebody who wants it/needs it/can't afford to buy their own. I don't know. I just know that I don't want it and I don't want you to make it my problem under the façade of being 'helpful'.

 

[hellywelly]

Me and hubby have been 'brutally' honest with people offering second hand clothes for our bubba.

We have turned around and said that we are only having the one bubba (not that should make any difference) and that we want to buy everything ourselves. We do think it is very kind of people to offer, but like you puts us in a difficult position.

I would rather be honest and upfront from the start. xxx

 

[tlh97990]

ive had no issues accepting second hand stuff but theres a point when people need to realize you can have too much!! i have two dressers and a double door closet filled with clothes from newborn to 9 months old. my mom still continues to buy clothes from garage sales and resell shops. ive tried nicely telling her to stop because i would like to buy some stuff for my daughter as well but she refused to listen. ive gotten to the point where i dont care about hurting her feelings because i tried being nice she needs to realize just because its her first grandbaby its my first child and i want to do things on my own!!!

 

[OliveMartini]

I think if you are honest about why you don't want to accept bits and they still wont take no for an answer then there is nothing offensive about donating them.

Means someone out there will get to use them, rather than just sitting in a cupboard for months on end.

 

[Nickij]

I would just say, thank you very much, but you have everything you need at the moment, and if they offer anything "big" just say, that you really appreciate it, but you have seen one you want and you really want to buy it yourself. If you politely decline, people can't be offended.


We have offered alot of our boy clothes (we are expecting a pink bump) to my hubbys first son and his girlfriend who have had a baby a couple of weeks ago, and my hubbys best mate and wife who have also had a boy. We have just bagged up the clothes and said to them, take what you want and anything you don't want is fine, just give it back or give it to charity. I totally understand that people want to buy new things, so wouldn't force our hand downs on them if they don't want them.

from out point of view though, some of the best things we have got second hand from frends, has been toys and books - these things can be expensive and some of the stuff we have got has been in great condition and save us loads