How do I tell my mum??

[ellasmummy]

For lots of reasons my family dont like my OH. Although recently they have got along really well. My OH doesnt like my family either. His family hate me aswel So obviously im dreading christmas! We were going to go to his family in the morning and mine in the evening. But i am not welcome and his family and he wants to spend it at home. And obviously we are not going to be split up when visitng relatives as its not fair on our girls. So OH has said we are spending xmas at home and NO ONE is allowed to visit. They can see the girls on xmas eve or boxing day bt not xmas day. My mum has spent the last 2xmas with Ella and this is Abbys 1st xmas! She absolutely dotes on them and she is so excited at xmas as her children have grown up its now about the grandchildren. My 2 are the only 2 grandchildren she has. So how do i tell my mum we arent spending xmas with you and you cant come and see the girls? i am very upset about this but wont say anthing as it will just cause a row with OH!

 

[Kitten]

If you're not happy with the arrangement, you need to talk to him about it. If people choose to visit you, that's a whole different thing to you having to split yourselves multiple ways between relatives, I don't understand the problem? Although I see why he would want to have a nice, private, hassle-free xmas.

If I were you, I'd try and forget your mums feelings and figure out if YOU are happy with the arrangement. Sod whether it will cause an argument with your mum/upset someone etc. do YOU want to spend it alone with the 4 of you and have it the way h2b wants or are you going to feel un-christmassy/bored/lonely etc.

 

[ellasmummy]

See thats what i cant work out. I love my OH and my girlies and think its lovely to spend xmas 2getha as a family. But my family have always made a big thing over xmas and all the aunts uncles nan grandad cum over with all the cousins and everyone in the evening. We have a few drinks and a laugh and its very sociable and we have a gd laugh. His family on the other hand spend it just his mum dad brothers n sisters. So we do things very differently. I just dont think staying in on our own will be the same, i will miss how it is. But i dont want to upset OH and for him to think i dont want to be here with our family at xmas. He is welcome at my mums but doesnt want to go and i wont go without him! ITs very difficult!

 

[claralouise]

i was in the same sittuation last year hun, but wanted to keep OH happy so went along with it, and to be honest it was the best xmas ever we didnt have to stick to my mums schedule, we woke up all had a cuddle in bed while watching tv, then come downstairs took about 3hours to open prezzies and have breakfast and had the rest of the day to eat dinner and have pudding at wot time we wanted and pick what we wanted on tv we stayed in our pjs all day. i cannot wait for this xmas weve told everyone we are our own little family now and xmas day is ours they can see them xmas eve or boxing day.

i would consider it after all its only one year if you dont like it theres always nxt yr to go visiting

 

[luvbunsazzle]

As much as it's hard, my mum and dad are facing it now with Grape arriving, Mark and i are having christmas day to ourselves, we'd love to do the family thing, but his mum is so controlling and wont let us have the christmas we want, we cant do it any other way. So we are seeing his family christmas eve as it's his grandads birthday, coming home, and spending christmas day as the 3 of us. Then boxing day will be spent with my family, they have excepted this, and are now quite excited, as they feel they are getting 2 christmases, one on christmas day without me, but on boxing day they will have me and there first grandchild, my brother is even excited and wants to dress up as santa!!!

 

[ellasmummy]

Thanks girls! My mum isnt controlling and xmas at hers is very relaxed and chilled out and its fun too. We seem to have a good laugh, its nice. I do want to spend xmas here with my little family but i just thought it would be nice to be around friends and family as we dont do it hardly ever. x

 

[Stardancer]

It's a difficult situation, and personally, I think he's being a little unfair. I mean, to say you're not going to any parents house AND they can't come to you, is a bit harsh. Would he not entertain the idea of a couple of hours for visitors on the morning and then the rest of the day to yourselves? If only for the girls' sake if anything? It's a shame they won't get to see their grandparents on Christmas day...
If he really isn't budging, you can either tell him you're not doing it his way and have the 'row', or just go along with it - but let OH know that if it turns out how you think it will, that next year you get to decide how it will go. Good Luck hun!

 

[dizzy65]

ooh im sorry to hear that u need to tell him how u feel... and go from that

 

[elmaxie]

What a shame you dont feel comfortable with your OH descision.

Maybe say to your mum that you guys decided to have a small family christmas at home this year and maybe spend boxing day with your mum and dad?

I know its got to be so hard but you all seem to be stretched between argueing relitives wich isnt how it should be at christmas.



Emma.xx