How do single mums manage?

[chezababy]

I may soon become a single mum. I still have to make the decision but that is a different conversation. I'd like to know how other mums have managed the practicalities, pactically mums who became single after having lo. I've been with oh since I was 16 so just don't know how I would manage on my own. Lo is 14 weeks and I do everything for her anyway so I think I could cope ok but not sure how I would manage living on my own, I'm a bit of a baby when it comes to that as I've never been on my own before. I would have to set us up from scratch again because I don't live near family so would move to have their support. I could only live with family for a couple of weeks because they don't have the room for us to stay long term. I know this post is a bit jumbled up but really I just need to know how people cope with the practicalities whilst looking after lo and suffering the hurt from leaving someone they love.
Thank you for any advice or help you can give.

 

[moomin_troll]

My oh died, so for me it was I was a mum of one with a husband and then next I was a single mum of one and found out I was pregnant. I had to move from Germany to the uk.
It's not easy being a single mum, but we cope cuz we have to.
It's not easy adjusting but u will. I can't really give u much advise as we all deal with it differently

 

[Rags]

I'm a single mum by choice, as in I wasn't with anyone and used assisted conception to achieve my family. I'm not saying it's for everyone or that it's the ideal but it works well for us. I think it's good to be close to family and friends, I moved closer to mine when I started trying to have my lo as I knew that they would be a great support network. It will take you a bit of getting used to, but even if you didn't have your lo, living alone for the first time takes getting used to. Take a bit of time to plan and budget and don't be afraid to ask others for help. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Dezireey]

Its all about finding the strength within you and getting on with things regardless. I get days where I think 'what am I doing?' but to be honest hun, in the history of time there have been countless women bringing up children alone and for many different reasons. If it were that hard a task the population would have ended years ago!.

Try to ensure that at some point there are people you can call and trust with LO if needed. Even if it ends up being another mum from a baby group and you help each other out, its better than nothing and that person could be a life saver. I found being sick or needing someone to quickly look after LO for an emergency etc to be the most difficult thing. Other stuff such as shopping or lifting heavy things etc are just more inconvenient when you are alone but they are not devastating. Having a man around is just a bonus not a necessity, so don't panic too much about it all, you will cope fine.

 

[teal]

I just find I cope because I have to. If I don't do it then no-one else will xx

 

[creatingpeace]

My house might not be as organized and clean as I want it. My life may be much more chaotic and fast. BUT I live with no tension, no arguments, no anger, no frustrations (well within reason). I am to blame for a messy house, I am not living with someone's nonsense!

I have my son all to me...
Life iso much better for me

 

[c.30]

I'm the same as Rags and choose to be a single mum with the help of AI and a donor. It helps to have a good support system in place but the difference for me is that I'm very independent, have lived on my own for 10 years and so love my own company, although you don't get much of that with LO

I think before you make a decision, for both yours and LOs sake, try to be as organised as you can be, get long term accommodation sorted, get good relationships with friends and family so that if you don't want to be on your own, you don't have to be.

Good luck.

 

[Rags]

I'm the same as Rags and choose to be a single mum with the help of AI and a donor. It helps to have a good support system in place but the difference for me is that I'm very independent, have lived on my own for 10 years and so love my own company, although you don't get much of that with LO

I think before you make a decision, for both yours and LOs sake, try to be as organised as you can be, get long term accommodation sorted, get good relationships with friends and family so that if you don't want to be on your own, you don't have to be.

Good luck.

Hi, nice to come across someone in the same sort of position as myself. Like you I have been independent for a long time and have always liked my own company, this probably helped a lot. You're right about being organised and as others have said, this happens as much from necessity as planning. My ds and I have a lovely wee life together and there's no frustration about constantly trying to accomodate someone else's opinions.

 

[Dream.dream]

I just find I cope because I have to. If I don't do it then no-one else will xx

Best way to put it , you do all the hard stuff because if you don't no one will.

 

[Rhio92]

In my situation, being a single mum is 10000000x easier than being with FOB. Knowing that got me through. It's hard, but very rewarding. You do it because you don't have a choice, it's not something that you can fail and it be okay.
You'll be fine Hun. We're all here for you xx