How do you cope with the waiting??

[Feanorous]

Hi all,

I have been a bit of a lurker here for a while as I feel a bit if a fraud as we aren't 'trying' for a baby yet. A bit of background about me...

I am 27, my OH is 31, we've been together for 10 years. We own our 2 bed flat in London, zone 6 (Surrey). I have an ok ish job, he earns quite well too.
He proposed a couple of years ago but we haven't got round to getting married yet.

I have been so surprised how broody I have gotten over the last year or so. Sometimes its all I think about! I was always career minded but this really jumped out at me from nowhere.

I gre up in a big family where as my OH never had any children in the family at all. Infact he has no aunties and uncles! He says he wants childrens but won't commit at all to a start time. He'll say things like 'Lets see later this year' etc etc..

Then he'll send mixed messages and say things like 'lets not use a condom tonight' but then actually won't go through with it! It's so infuriating!! Then he said when I get a new job we'll start trying, but I've been trying to find a new job for the last year and its not easy.

In my mind I know it makes sense to wait a while. Get the house in a better state, get a new job, have another holiday etc...but I just dont know how to take my mind off wanting a family.

If anyone has any advice or can relate to my OH issues then I'd love to hear from you!

x

 

[sing<3]

Don't feel like a fraud! I know what you mean about the lurking - I did that for a while until I properly discovered the WTT section but I'm sure there're loads of people here in your position

Personally I'm a long way behind you with the waiting still in college and need to get through uni, train, get settled in my job, find an OH, get married etc etc before I can even think about TTC so you're almost there in comparison

I try to distract myself from the waiting tbh, spend a lot of time on here (which usually makes things better but when I look at pregnancy and baby sections, often makes it worse!) and there's loads of support around the WTT section that helps
Can't really think of anything else that might be of use, but will come back to this if I do
Take care xx

 

[Amygdala]

Welcome!

I'm in a similar situation as you are, or rather I was a year ago. DH and I are married, in our late 20s, own our house and have decent jobs. Having said that, our job situation will be a lot improved in a few years time (I'm currently working on my PhD). So we always thought we'd wait that out and then see, untill broodiness hit me last year. It took DH quite a while to get his head around the idea. He also comes from a family with no little ones, he's the youngest and none of his siblings or cousins have kids yet. He was also worried about money (as I admit was I) and just took a long time to get used to the idea of "now" rather than "some time". But now, a year later, he's actually quite excited and confident that this is the right time for us. It'll never be the perfect time and you can always postpone TTC for something or other (better job, big holiday, bigger home, there's always something worth waiting for). But at the end of the day you won't want to wait forever (and can't) so I think once you reach a certain level of financial security, you just have to figure out when it feels right emotionally. Everything else will fall into place.
But yeah, sorry for the rambling. What I'm trying to say is you're not alone and your OH isn't the only man to have needed some time to get used to the idea. Just talk about it lots, without trying to pressure him, and see how things develop.

 

[GirlBlue]

Hi there...welcome to WTT. I am pretty new myself and joined rather recently. I am in a similar situation to Amygdala except w/o all of the financial security. My DH and I are both in school. I finished Ph.D. now waiting on DH to finish his before TTC. Now that we're close to being financially stable, DH is still reluctant and keeps pushing back date. Any is right...talki w/o pressure is key. We just discovered that his reluctance comes from his family issues. DH comes from a big family. His dad divorced mom then remarried and adopted 11 kids w/ DH's stepmom. All kids are special needs and take tons of medication. Everytime he thinks about kids w/ me he flashes to them and gets wierded out. It's like he feels like he's going to have to raise his little brothes and sisters all over again. Good luck.

 

[lovehearts]

Hiya,welcome to wtt. I lurked for a bit too as i also felt like a fraud since i have joined though it has helped a lot. I just rant on here when i reach my limit and need to shout at someone. I stuggle every month to get through but i just think i have to wait, it what we have agreed on and its what the OH wants. Everyones time will come and we will be over in the ttc section before we know it xx

 

[bky]

I remember being in that position! We had decided to wait until we were at a certain point in our plans, which we reached about a year and a half ago.
My OH and I got a puppy (and we now have 2 lovely dogs ages 7 and 5 that are very much part of the family) every time I got depressed from being so broody. Sounds terrible when I put it like that... It really helped me when focusing on my career and putting OH through school wasn't enough to keep my mind off babycraving. Not an ideal situation for everyone though, and we did have a point in the future to look forward to.

 

[Genie]

I've only recently found it easier as OH has really changed how he feels about trying. Until recently he wanted to wait for another year and a half and enjoy being married. But recently he's had a change of heart so we are now looking at summer 2010 so I'm coping by focusing on that. Not much help to you if you havn't got a date but it sounds like maybe he's starting to come round if he toys with the idea of not using protection?!

 

[Feanorous]

Thanks so much to everyone who has replied. I really appreciate it.

It's nice to know I am not alone!

I guess I will just keep working on him I think he is very slowly coming around to it but I can't ever imagine him being like 'ok lets go for it!'.

Oh well lets see what happens.

Thanks again
F x

 

[Feanorous]

Eurgh one of my work colleagues announced this morning that she is pregnant! Just had to endure all the scan pictures. So unfair!

 

[barbarap]

Hello,
Will start TTC in Feb but have been thinking about it since last summer. I remember it felt like the New Year would never come but here it is...
I would say, be patient and start preparing your body. They say it's never too early to start taking Folic Acid, I've also been trying to keep a healthy diet and exercising too.
For 3 months now I've been taking ovulation tests just to get to know my cycles better.
It's sort of given me a sense of purpose and although obviously not pregnant, it somehow feels like the journey (I hate that word, but it' the only one i can think of) has already begun.
My husband was quite against the idea of having a baby. I've really tried not to put pressure on him and just as he did before getting married, he started feeling comfortable with the idea on his own time. Like you said here earlier, i cannot see him getting all excited and saying 'ok, let's go for it', but I think most men are like that, they just go along with what we decide, and then when the baby comes they'll probably say it was their idea...

 

[LovedUpCouple]

I think i found it easier coping with the wait when my OH actually came round to the idea. It means that i'm not scared to talk to him about it, and we can go in baby shops and coo at the cute clothes together; so rather than feeling like i was on my own and it was a taboo subject, it's something that is bringing us closer without feeling that i NEED to have one, i'm just looking forwards to it

 

[Resplendent]

These forums!! It sort of pushes it down reading about other people having babies, it makes you think, it will be me one day.

 

[LovedUpCouple]

These forums!! It sort of pushes it down reading about other people having babies, it makes you think, it will be me one day.

Completely agreed!
Thats why i'm here tbh xD

 

[Genie]

\i think what barbarap said is a really good idea. If you start preparing your body now I think maybe you'll start feeling like its 'beginning' as such.

 

[Missi]

IMO preparations help. I have been monitoring my cycle since 2007 and have gradually added more charting techniques. Now I am able to predict my cycle and know what to look out for. I have also started taking prenatal vitamins. It makes you feel like you are doing something towards TTC and the time passes quickly. I can't believe my ticker is under 2 months now.