How do you cope?

[kel3639]

I've been feeling like such a failure. failing myself, parents, grandparents.. and especially him. It's so depressing. He would make such an amazing dad and I'm afraid I will never be able to give him that.

It seems like time goes by slower.. like minutes turn into hours, days into weeks.. and all the while hope fades.

how do you ladies cope?

 

[Princess Lou]

I don't know how long you have been trying but I found after two years I developed a 'Fuck It' attitude and accepted every day the way it was. Some have this 'attitude' from the start (lucky people) and some develop it later but I find accepting the situation you are in is crucial to getting through the day.

Also, my sister sent me something which helped immensely. Maybe it can help you too.

I hope you find your 'Inner Peace' soon.

What do I think is meant by my infertility?

I think it is so my husband and I grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think we are meant to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think it is meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think it is meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, it is not that we are never meant for to not have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, I am meant to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let myself down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think I have been singled out for a special treatment. I think I am meant to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me why I have been handed infertility. I already know."

 

[laustiredttc]

Thats a really inspiring message princess lou, makes me have renewed hope thank you

 

[4magpies]

I feel like a failure too, I always feel better when we have a plan though.

We have just decided to do IVF private, since doing that I feel so much better.

I was really worried about telling my mum, as I thought we would have a bad reaction. But shes done nothing but support me with my decision!

Lou that is lovely. Thank you.

 

[jellybeanxx]

I'm feeling pretty devastated from a BFN today but what you've posted Lou has made me feel so much better. Thank you

 

[missy123]

I keep holding on because i have a ds already..he inspires me to keep going because i know I've done it before x

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

I totally understand how u feel. I also feel like a failure and that im letting everyone down. I really feel like im letting my inlaws down, as i know how understanding my family is, but if i cant give my husband a child then i feel that im failing their family.
I used to always be saying 'when we have children', but i dont anymore. I think this is how i deal with it, by trying to forget
xxx

 

[pvsmith12]

I know this feeling all too well, it truly is one of the most terrible feelings. My family is completely understanding - they know how much we are going through, and the pain and sadness we feel from not being able to have a baby yet (my step-mom went through the same steps... but sadly never had a baby of her own). DH's father is understanding as well, which is good. We have let the parents and grandparents know about the journey we are on - and that it is a bit more difficult, but we are doing everything we can to help our family grow.

My MIL... now that is another ball game. She has, on numerous occasions, in front of other people made it known that she was "ready to be a grandmother" and that we should "get on that for her". I have to try really hard (especially now, since she knows what we are going through) to just smile and reply with "We're working on it." It is really upsetting to have to hear that over and over. Once I did snap at her and say that we're working on it... that is why I am always at the Dr and always on meds. This past Saturday was her nieces baby shower (she really amped up the pressure since she found out her sister is going to be a grandmother), she was handing out pieces of cake and when she gave me mine she goes "Did you notice I gave you the one with pink frosting? I already have my boys, I want a little girl now." I felt like crying. I told DH later that night and he said if that's what she wants then she can get on getting pregnant herself. We just want a healthy happy baby.

 

[kel3639]

PVS: I'm so sorry! my mother is kind of like your MIL. My family doesnt know what we're going through because I choose to be more private. but they always poke me and ask me when I'm going to "FINALLY" get pregnant and I just shrug it off and say I don't want to have kids. I've told my aunt before what we're going through and expressed to her, my feelings. She most understanding because I'm pretty much following her life foot-steps. I always want to say to them though, "why would I want to have kids when there's people like you in the world that make sh** so difficult." I'm just beyond frustrated with my family.

MrsBroody:
I stopped saying that too. I feel so guilty even having the slightest bit of hope because odds are not in my favor. But my love brought this up to me one day:
In the movie Robots, Will Smith hated robots because they saved him and not the little girl in the accident because he had a higher chance of surviving. That anything above 0% is enough. or something of that sort. He said any chance is the best chance and its good enough for him.

I wish I had his positivism. Had his strength. He always knows what to say and do about me being upset with ttc. It almost makes me feel terrible for even getting so down about it. I guess I'm just over it.

 

[tawanamood]

I came to accept my infertile fate at the beginning of 2012. There is nothing I can do about being infertile, but I can move on and try this or that drug, procedure, and test in hopes of becoming a mom. It might feel hopeless, bleak, and agonizing, but my infertility journey is making me into a stronger, more cautious person.

 

[Nayla82]

Love your poem we will and have to get there one day

 

[lisap2008]

We have been trying to conceive my husbands 1st for 4 years , life is good as it is my husband and I are very inlove and I was blessed with 4 healthy girls in my previous marriage and we have alot of fun as a family ,another child would just be the icing on the cake and make our family complete. but with each year that has rolled by with no BFP and my getting older I am now accepting the fact it may not happen. it still does not keep me from hoping for a miracle though.

 

[ChartsNHearts]

I also feel like a failure and that im letting everyone down. I really feel like im letting my inlaws down, as i know how understanding my family is, but if i cant give my husband a child then i feel that im failing their family

I can understand this too. I feel totally responsible for my in-laws' lack of grandchildren! My husband has one brother but he is nowhere near settling down and my in-laws aren't getting any younger, and would love grandchildren.

This incredible feeling of guilt is really getting to me

 

[aintlifegrand]

Princess Lous, that is a really great outlook, wish I could really take that to heart and truly believe it.