How do you deal with mothers' day?

[Ten]

The family (which would be my dad, DH, and me) are taking Mom out to dinner tomorrow night for an early Mothers' Day. We like to avoid the crowds and screaming kids. Mom suggested that it should be a double-celebration for both her and me, which was so sweet of her, but I said I'd rather just focus on her because otherwise I'd probably just spend the night in tears. So awkward, this being a mom without having a baby to show for it.

(Also, if I see one more "I have the awesomest, hardest job in the world! I'm a MOM! Repost if you're a MOM too!" status message on Facebook, I think I might throw my computer through a window.)

How do you ladies handle it? Especially those of you who are moms in spirit but without babies to hold?

 

[Mommy's Angel]

I hear you. We lost our son at 22wks gestation in October this past year. My birthday is May 9th which happens to fall on "mothers day" this year.

we also may be having our first IUI this weekend. I'm not quite sure what to celebrate. sometimes I just want to crawl into a ball and stay there.

Slowly I move forward in Hope and Faith.

 

[readynwilling]

I don't know what to say because im not in your situation but didn't want to r&r

 

[SunShyn2205]

I know exactly what you mean, I have my mom and mother in law, 3 sisters and a sis in law, all with lots of kids, who are so graciously celebrated on mothers day, and they deserve to be. But i just get so Bummed out thinking about mothers day without my 2 angels, its an awkward day.

But I had a long talk with my hubby last night, as i been pretty emotional lately, and he made me very special when he said, I should be proud to be the Mommy to 2 Precious Angels. I really fell like my hubby acknowledging me as the mother of his children and his unconditional support is all i need to get me through that day...

On Mothers day, Ill be trying to keep family visits short and sweet...and will be spending alone time with my hubby, he really helps cope with everything,

I'm sorry for your loss, its always hard, but love and time will heal your heart!

 

[Ten]

I'm not quite sure what to celebrate. sometimes I just want to crawl into a ball and stay there.

Sounds like a plan to me.

(Sorry, I'm usually a bit more upbeat and capable of coping with things - this week is just making me insane with all the people at work talking about their plans with their kids.)

But I had a long talk with my hubby last night, as i been pretty emotional lately, and he made me very special when he said, I should be proud to be the Mommy to 2 Precious Angels. I really fell like my hubby acknowledging me as the mother of his children and his unconditional support is all i need to get me through that day...

That's so cool - I'm glad your hubby can help support you like that.

Mine's pretty good, usually - but he really doesn't get the point of holidays in general. He feels bad that I'm sad, but he doesn't really comprehend why I should be more sad now than some other day. So he helps... but it doesn't, if you know what I mean.

 

[Vickieh1981]

Well I don't know as I haven't yet really. I lost Isabella the day before mothers day so I was still in hospital on Mothers day. I didn't see anyone or any of those statuses so escaped it really.

Obviously mothers day is a different date over here as that was 14th March.

I really hope you manage to get through the day.

 

[SunShyn2205]

TEN-

Yay mine would be like that but too but over the last 6 months we have developed our communication skills through email, I started to feel really alone after my loss (sept 09), (and we found out may 09 my brother has brain cancer, hes only 29) and I was at a breaking point, I knew I needed more help and support. So I typed everything I was feeling, and I emailed my hubby. And i did this a couple days a week and he would email me back, and the more we emailed, the more he opened up and things began to get much better.
(i would get to emotional to talk about everything to anyone, so i always just said i was fine, but sometimes you have to get everything off your chest to begin to heal.)
PS
Men can be a little clueless and its ok sometimes to give them glues, especially if it will help your love grow closer.

 

[HappyAuntie]

I have been a wreck this week as well.

My first mc was over Mothers Day weekend last year. (I spent the day before in the ER.) My mom wanted to have us over for dinner so she could take care of me (because DH doesn't cook!), and I said ok, but only if we could completely ignore the fact that it was Mother's Day. It wasn't until several weeks later that I realized what I had really needed that day was not to ignore Mother's Day, I needed some acknowledgment that I was a mother, too.

My second mc was two months ago. If I see one more Hallmark ad on tv, I'm going to put my shoe through it. It hurts me because I know that no one outside of me and DH will acknowledge that I am a mother. Society just doesn't know what to do with us. But I refuse to stay quiet about it - no one knows what we need if we don't speak up. So I have posted about it pretty regularly on FB. I think most people who have never been in our shoes probably think it would upset us if they bring it up... they just don't know that it upsets us even more when everyone ignores our babies.

One amazing friend sent me a card yesterday, and I cried about it for half an hour, but it was a good cry. I don't know what DH and I are going to do on Sunday, but I'm sure it won't be as hard as I am anticipating it will be. At least we all here know that we are mothers who deserve to be honored as much as any other mother does.