How do you deal with the "texting Fobs"?

[Newdreemz]

Any of you have a texting Fob that pretty much texts you a few times a week to ask "hows my baby doing?" But yet hasnt seen their child in months or have even paid regular child support payments? Like Im guessing its my sons fathers way of staying relevant..I was answering his texts at first because I figured I should at least be cordial which I have but now its annoying me! I texted him back last week saying "no offense, but your son is fine. And if something were to happen to him, I would let you know" So his reply was "Yea i kno that but that doesnt mean I cant check up on him"

So I didnt even reply back after that cuz i try to keep the peace but I feel like me replying back to him gives him an excuse of thinking his absence is acceptable. Like he thinks as long as he asks about him, hes played his part. So now its pissing me off and Im just wondering how you dealt with someone like that.

How do you stay cordial and keep the peace when they dont help you at all without casting them out? He was around at first but he disappeared for a year, and came back and was in his sons life again consistently for three months and then slowly started disappearing again. Its been 4 months now and he hasnt seen him. Started by him rescheduling all the time cuz of work and then he just stopped asking to see him. Now he just texts, and I was trying to be nice by replying cus i thought he was trying but now i want him to just leave my son alone. I feel like he shouldnt even ask me about him! He cant come in his life and disappear when he feels like it. I may even try and get full custody cuz its getting to me. I know its going to cause major problems though. I guess apart of me wants to believe hes going through something but I cant keep making excuses for him right?

 

[Rhio92]

Personally, I'd send him a text saying that he can't disappear and expect a text to be ok. Tell him to be involved or not. A text isn't good enough for his son. x

 

[bw1691]

Im in a fairly similar situation myself, at the beggining he was around but not contributing.
FOB used to come once a week regularly...if i was unlucky ha..and not one single penny of support from him.
almost everyone of those visits has been changed either by an hour, day or week.
as it stands hes not been in over a month and has only text once to ask when his parents can see baby...not him??

I've been thinking about what legal action i can take so he cant just walk in and start demanding things but i'm quite frightened to because i know it will be months of worry and stress.
Feel free to message me to chat if you like
Take care xx

 

[purpledahlia]

Definately let him know its not acceptable, He's in his sons life or hes not, a text is not good enough and your not going to be replying just to give him satisfaction of asking!!

 

[angelpkj]

my fob same there just playin games if there bothered come round n find out for yourself how your child is

 

[Kacie]

I don't know how I'd react to this.. honestly I would probably ignore the text messages and see if he is actually interested enough to push to find out the information. If not then let him go.. maybe with a final text.. saying u wont be replying to these texts anymore, it's too distressing for your son to have a halftime dad keep coming and going in his life when it suits him.

Angelpkj is right.. all these FOBs do is play games.. whether it's to wind you up or try and impress someone somewhere along the line, it is rare that any of it is done for the good of the child.

I hope things work out

xxx

 

[angelpkj]

deffo!

he will do it out of guilt cause he's not man enough to make more effort so thinks a txt makes it up

or he's doing it so he doesnt look that bad a dad to mates etc that way he can turn round to his mates etc and say "ohhh i keep askin how my child is and she's not even txtin bk now"

i was scared of lookin like the evil ex who wont let him see LO
you soon learn not to care because his mates etc will wise up and realise its not you its FOB

 

[Newdreemz]

yea, i ignored the last 2 weeks ago, and he texted me today! I replied because I guess i felt like "hes going to keep texting me if i dont!" So i just told him he was okay, and then he asks about school and such. And it really annoys me that he wants so many details about his progress when he doesnt pay child support or even see him! Its like I want to tell him off but Im trying not to be the bad guy either. I guess im still falling for his games like you all said. Well, from now on, I wont reply. And Ill see if he pushes and then Ill tell him why I dont see the point of us texting back and forth! Its pissing me off ladies...Im so sick of these deadbeats. And Im so tired of being nice! Like why do i have to be the grown up all the time!? Why am I babying him? Feeling sorry for him? now im feel dumb. Lol Ughhhh

 

[rockabillymom]

My FOB does the same exact thing to the T. He wont answer me when I text him but expects me to text him right away. Ive gotten to were I just ignore his texts or answer every other one because we end up getting into huge text arguments. I would keep any relovent texts though.