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Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by magot, Jun 5, 2011.
Firstly she is probably only trying to help.. And not fully realising she is stepping on toes.
Personally I would speak to her nicely about it, explain why this is upsetting you and tell how how excited you are about buying all the things for the baby and prehaps she could give you money toward things instead, or tell her exactly what you want.. As it'll fit in with everything else!
As for the advice I always smile and nod and do it my way!
I don't know what to advise. I have a very similar mother-in-law who seems to be picking all the 'cute' baby clothes. They're cute by her standards but I'm very peculiar about what I want for the baby. I'm like you, only 6 weeks and not too keen on buying too many stuff. Last time I got a positive I bought booties and a week later fell over really badly and miscarried.
I just want a break from her shoving her knitting magazines in my face. But I guess that's what Mother-in-Law's do. Every time in the past I've tried to tell her to step off my toes she lies and goes on at other family members who then cause hell for me. And I don't want to go through that this early on in pregnancy. So I'm just keeping quite till I'm about 20 weeks then I may speak my mind.
Sounds like at Christmas she got a bit excited which they tend to do. I take what mil says with a pinch of salt as you tend to find when you have kids most people tell you what you should be doing and it's best to just ignore stuff that bothers you.
The moses basket thing next time she says anything just tell her you have already ordered one you liked to get delivered nearer to the time or something like that. I understand how you feel as somethings you just want new and it's nice to buy.
If she carries on bugging you just get oh to say something, thats what I do
My mil is the same.
Kept trying to give us stuff from my oh's cousins baby, his sister's baby, anyone who has had a baby in the family.
Wanted to give us the pram, moses basket, bouncer, walker nearly everything.
We told her as it's our first we liked the idea of going shopping together later on and getting excited and bonding.
Did she accept this and go oh nevermind the offer is there if you change you mind?
She took right offence and gave me a stinking look as if I was being deliberately spiteful an said FINE SUIT YOURSELF! in a huffy voice.
Still makes me toes curl lol.
Seriously though just explain your a bit nervous and want to wait till your further along and then when both you and oh feel it's right you want to go shopping.
Tell her she is welcome to help contribute with money etc but don't buy any important bits like beds, prams etc as you are really excited about picking them out with oh.
As for her criticising other people's parents due to clothes just tell her I don't think it really matters at that age and as long as they are comfortable and safe their happy.
my MIL did this & it really annoyed me too. it's not that i don't appreciate the help but she kept buying old crappy stuff & it made me feel very awkward. OH had a word with her and she's stopped now, thank god. i mean i like buying old furniture & renovating it & i have no problem with 2nd hand, but this stuff was awful. she used to phone me 3 or 4 times a day too & absolutely did my head in xx
ha yes get the other OH speak to her about it. its the best way i think, i think if it had been the other way round and somebody on your side of the family interfering then maybe it would be down to you to sort out. my problem was, my mil kept giving me clothes for my dd which she had kept from her own dd, now thats not a problem but the clothes were something like 30 years old- no joke!! i was polite and asked my oh to have a word with her, which he did, however she kept sending them, so i simply put them to one side. i havent used any and never will, if she thinks im being rude then so be it.
I would probably just tell her, especially with all these hormones going on right now it would really annoy me aswell. So I would end up telling her, and maybe telling her about herself aswell. Sorry if you don't prefer to do it that way, but for me it's the only way people listen when you take too much of it.
I got a bit annoyed with my MIL & FIL a few weeks ago when they started buying lots of things - a crib, babygrows, toys, bottles, steriliser etc! OH said I was being ungrateful but I'm really not. This is our first baby and will be the first grandchild on both sides so I KNOW everyone is excited but I want to be involved in what is bought for our baby - its me thats going to be using it most after all!!
Anyway, I have now said to her that she is fine to buy things but have given her a list of - not to buy because we want to buy and my mum has asked to buy us the cot so MIL knows this too. I've also told OH that if I am not happy with something she has bought then she will be taking it back! Thankfully the bottles she has bought is the ones I had looked at getting anyway - but she did buy a horrid baby carrier I made her take back
With moses baskets you can buy replacement mattresses to the matress doesnt have to be 2nd hand in a 2nd hand moses basket :flowers:
Wow I feel for you Collie. I'd hate to have everything bought for me and just dropped on me like I'm supposed to be incredibly grateful. Picking things out for the baby is supposed to be something the parents do. The grandparents are the ones who help pay for them is all. lol.
I'm lucky my child will be the fourth grandchild on my side and the third on my OH's side.
My MIL is the sort of person who knows best about everything. Luckily, I don't have to talk to her that often. When I do, it's a lot of smiling and nodding and completely ignoring what she says. On the other hand, while she will most likely buy us a lot of random things, she also is willing to spend LOTS of money, and will buy off of gift registries, so we'll end up with a lot of nice stuff from her (especially since this is her first grandchild).
Must be a MIL thing! We've got a holiday booked in early july and she was saying we shouldnt go and its too risky. I said I will take my doctors and midwifes advise, if they say its not a good idea...obviously I wont go. But if its ok I will. She started on about dummys and second hand things saying not to buy ANYTHING new cause it was a waste of money aaaahhhhhh!! LOL
Oh, and we barely see her from one month to the next and now shes wanting to meet up ALL the time. She even said she not happy where she lives as its too far away and wants to move closer...oh god help me!!!!
It's nice to know I'm not the only one having to deal with this. Don't get me wrong, my MIL is great & would do anything for us & I really don't want to upset her but I am very independent & my parents know I very much like doing things my way & will ask when I need help. I usually just listen to what she says & ignore it, think I'm hormonal today.
Lol i have the opposite, we haven't even told my mil as she'll b that uninterested, my mum on the other hand is making up for it, she wants to set up one of their spare rooms as a home from home nursery!! I suspect she may have gone OTT by 9months but i figure so long as i get to choose the stuff, if she wants to buy it for us ill b grateful but sometimes its knowing where to draw the line lol x
My mil is very opinionated without being very educated on the subjects and I have found it so hard not to give off or let it get to me because I know that basically she means well. As for my own parents my dad is really getting on my last nerve, we had icsi to conceive and he basically has the opinion that they can't possibly be as healthy or normal as other babies/pregnancies as we didn't conceive naturally-I have a 7 year old so know my body is more than capable of coping with pregnancy and birth-it's like saying that when they are older if they skin their knees then it's because we had icsi! Sorry another rant all together maybe it's an age thing???
I feel for you what is wrong with mils. She needs nipped in bud asap or goodness knows what she will be like. Just say that your mother/sister/bestfriend has bought your basket and that its to be delivered when your 38 wks - john lewis do this.
U could say to her please can u stop buying baby things as your supersticous about it. Or ask your oh to have a word and ask her to cool off. Mils are all the same - a constant source of annoyment. Soz i cant spell. I breast fed my 2nd for a long time one reason was to keep the mil from snatching my baby to give her bottle without asking me !!
I've had to deal with this and still am with my MIL. Last night even she called up and said she had found this great crib that she was considering buying. When she knows very well since the beginning that my Mom is fronting the money for a crib and I will be going shopping for one with her when she comes out to visit. I got so heated. I find that the best thing to do is to ignore what she says and just do my own thing. Maybe you could just ask her if she wants to gift something or buy something to just give both of you the money so you can still go out and pick what you want.
Welcome to motherhood lol someone always has a better/easier etc way of doing things
I would be straight and tell her you & OH would like to choose things, but thats just me I am quite straight forward lol! I am lucky I dont have an interfearing MIL which I am glad about, still annoying though
it sounds like shes just trying to help and be involved and maybe not realising shes stepping on your toes, perhaps u just need to have a word with her im sure she'll understand
sounds to me like she is just excited and trying to help out, my mum has already bought a lot of stuff even though I've told her to save her money but she's just excited and can't wait as she was shut out by my sil when my niece was born, nothing was ever good enough for her so I can see both sides.
just explain you want to pick the big stuff together with your oh but you appreciate the thought x