how do you do it?!

[Louiseandbump]

I think i may be about to join you ladies.
I am just so scared.

how do you do it?
Keep them in your lives seeing LO,
knowing that you arent together as a couple.
Its gonna kill me, as i still love him.

We are sorta in the process of breaking up,
either that or giving it ANOTHER try (again..)
it was me that initiated it, cos of the constant arguing.
In a way i regrett it cos i love him alot..
but the arguing cant be healthy for a child.
Im SO torn.

I have total confidence in my ability to cope with my daughter,
she is a pleasure and i do all the night feeds etc myself already.
He gives me £25 a week (most weeks..)
but it isnt money i depend on really.

The thought of being a single parent at 21 terrifies me.
They way people talk etc not that it should matter ofc!

ive no idea what i even expect from this post.
Thanks for even reading this far!

 

[Rockell8788]

I have no answers for you. Just stalking posts as after months of arguing I told my husband to leave this morning and he did so will be looking at what others say

 

[Louiseandbump]

hope we both get some words of wisdom for ladies having gone through it and ome out the other side. x

 

[DaisyDoodles]

I was 21 when I had my first son and became a single parent shortly afterwards!

It's hard to begin with, especially if you still love FOB, but you and LO have to come first!

Hold your head up high and to hell with anyone that thinks badly of you.... my lad is now 16 and I'm so proud of him, he's grown into a lovely young man, he's doing well in school and I get to take the credit for him all by myself whilst some of those that looked down their noses at me for being a single parent are watching their kids running the streets and getting into trouble!!

And there's always the possibility that you'll meet someone in the future that knows how to treat you and LO the way you deserve!!

 

[CupboardLove]

My OH has gone to his mother's for the day (we were supposed to have a family day out, which turned into a huge row) to decide whether we should give it another try or not.

I love him, but it drives me mad to live with him.

Practically, I know it will be much easier just me and Lily. Emotionally it will be hard for a while. But in the long run I will love having free time spent not arguing. Damn, that will be good!

Good luck! xx

 

[Jem_x3]

I'm a single parent and I'm 21 My situation is different, however. I still love FOB but he's decided to be the world's biggest arsehole to me. And tried to use our daughter as a weapon. Subsequently, he hasn't seen her for almost 2 months now after being in her life and living with us for 8 months. But he apparently doesn't want to see my face ever again so he won't see his child. It was hard at first but make sure you have support of friends and family. I was distraught but they've got me through. I still have my bad days and I still have a cry every now and then but I feel a hell of alot of stronger and now the angers kicked in You'll be okay. Your gorgeous LO will get you through. Plenty of cuddles and kisses and playtime and just remember you have unconditional love from that child and no man will ever be able to top that. Lots of

 

[oaklvr]

I decided to be a single parent when my daughter was 2. I left an abusive husband. I think I was 21. I had previously put my daughter on a waiting list for daycare so she got a space soon after he left. I also went job hunting. I didn't have a car so I took my daughter with me on a walk and picked up as many applications as possible. Only one place called me back and it was a fast-food place. It was my only choice. So I applied for daycare subsidy after paying most of my paycheck in daycare. I kept the apartment we had together, since it was in my name he had moved in with me. It was subsidized housing at the time. I walked to work, and carried my daughter to daycare on the way there. Sometimes I felt so down, when it was snowing or raining, and we were out walking in it. Like did I make a mistake? People would ask me weird things like where my baby's dad was, and all that. I made it a point to never tell them I was single, because I was afraid they'd do something to me. Anyways, I worked enough and with the help of a grant, bought my first car which has since been traded for something better. I moved out of subsidized housing after being evicted for being 2 weeks late on rent. It was a low-point in my life as well. At this time I still wasn't divorced, my daughter visited her dad one day a week usually, depending on how he felt at the time, he might want to see her more or less. I found a place that I could afford, a 1 bdrm apartment and we still live here, 2.5 years later. I had met someone before I moved into here, and dated him but never lived with him or let myself become financially dependent on him. I am glad I didn't because he decided he didn't want to be a father, so here we are. Going to be a 2nd time single mom. I know I can do it though!

So, work to support yourself. Apply for any assistance, daycare, food, or housing if you need to. Realize there's a lot more bad days in the beginning. Then all the sudden you feel much better and your days will get better! I've been a single parent now for 3.5 years.

 

[Neeno]

Omg louise Im the same I love him so much and he tries to use our daughtor as a wepon too he also tells me that I can leave without Her and If I take her he will prove that I am not mentally fit enough to look after her and he will get her back. I have been in this limbo for a year now but never got the courage to leave. I dont know how i will do it. hope I will get some answers here too

 

[oaklvr]

Omg louise Im the same I love him so much and he tries to use our daughtor as a wepon too he also tells me that I can leave without Her and If I take her he will prove that I am not mentally fit enough to look after her and he will get her back. I have been in this limbo for a year now but never got the courage to leave. I dont know how i will do it. hope I will get some answers here too

That's an abuser at work. He's making you doubt yourself. Mine told me the same things. It didn't happen. I have her almost 80 percent of the time, and if I hadn't waited so long for my divorce, I would've had more custody. I represented myself, he had a well-respected attorney to represent him. You'll never know if you don't take the first step. I would talk to a family member about finding a place to stay. You don't have to live that way. Love is a partnership, not just you loving him and staying because you're scared and have all these feelings, if he's not respecting you or he's trying to control you by saying he will prove you mentally unfit.

 

[young-mummy]

im 18 ans a single parent! we have not seen his dad yet since i had James and not sure if i will. i enjoy being single now.. more of my son to myself xx

 

[Lotti1978]

I'm considering breaking up with my husband of 9 years. Married 3. WE have a 6m old and have not been 'right' for 4 years or so intimatly and that was me, he loves me and wants me but I dont want him anymore like that. He is also childish, mardy, doesnt put me first and Im fed up. Too many times he just is so complacent and makes no effort. No get up and go and no drive. We argue heaps and I feel like I am with a child. I love him and we are good friends/we have a good existence but there is no spark for me or excitement at all. Is it time to end it???? I think so......anyone? Thanks

 

[Kacie]

There is a lot of heartache in here and I feel for everyone going through it.

I am clearly no professional so this is just my humble advice based on my experience..

With regards to the abusive relationships my advice would always be to get out and ask for help from anyone you trust. Don't be afraid to lean on friends and family or worry what they'll say... They will want to help you through it. It will be hard but things get easier with time.

The relationships where you feel that something is missing or something has died.. then the advice I gave myslef when this happened to me was to give myself a time line.. say 3 months.. put everything you can into that relationship in those 3 months.. love, care and show him everything that you want back in return.. It may be that things improve a lot and you forget all about the timeline.. or, If after 3 months it is still not working, then you can leave knowing that you've given it your all.

I hope to hear some happy endings in all of this for those going through break ups..

Don't worry about how you will cope as a single parent... you will! It's in our instincts to care for our babies first..

xx