How do you handle close friends/family getting pregnant?

[PizzaWagon]

I don't think I'm LTTTC yet but I feel like my family is treating me like I have been trying for years.

Back Story:
Last week my Mother-in-law(MIL) & Father-in-law(FIL) took my Husband(DH) and i out to dinner for my DH's birthday. During dinner my MIL told us/me that my Brother-in-law(BIL) and his new wife are pregnant. I told my MIL that I was happy for them and asked if she knew how far along she was. (In side I was a bit sad that it wasn't me, but my happiness for them out weighed my sadness for me.) My MIL said the just found out a few hrs ago and they wanted to tell me soon because they where worried about the way I would react. When my MIL said that i was taken aback, I didn't know how to respond. So i just said 'I'm fine with it. I'm happy for them'. The topic was dropped for the rest of the night...
A few days later I call my Mom to let her know about me being an Aunt again. My Mom's first words where "Oh, I'm sorry...". In my head I said 'sorry for what?', but I replied with 'It's fine I'm happy for them.' She said 'Yes, I'm happy for them too, but I'm sorry it wasn't you'. I then tell her 'it's ok, God decides when you have kids, not the other way around'. She says that is true and goes on about how she wished it was me and other stuff along those lines...

After both of those talks happened. I've been crying and depressed. I'm not fully sure why, but their comments really got to me. I'm starting to feel sad that I'm not pregnant yet and I didn't feel that way till after them talking to me.

 

[terces]

My friends are the same way. I'm on month 15 of TTC. I think that our friends/family just want to protect us. My closet friend knew someone was pregnant that shouldn't be (she's a teenager who isn't with the father anymore) she didn't want me to know right away because she was praying I would be pregnant too.

My family is very kind about the whole thing we are going through. Other than my mom listens to talk radio and every time they talk about infertility causes she lets me know that the latest thing they find causes it must be what's wrong with me.

I hope you get that BFP soon!

 

[Damita]

When my friend did - I was excited and helped plan everything with her, when my other friend had an "oops" and she had an A.. I was supportive but I did hide for awhile.

 

[Armywife84]

How long have you been trying?

In my first year average year of trying, I wasn't disappointed by pregnancy announcements. I kept think it will be me soon, but when it came to month 11 I started getting really worried that something was wrong. That's when I started getting jealous of every pregnancy announcement. Then of course we find out male factor and my whole world has gone to hell and a hand basket.

Now creeping up on 2 years later, I push friends and family away that announce they're expecting. Honestly I am a bit happy for them, but I'm upset it's not me. My sadness, and failure outweigh the happiness. I can't bring myself to be around them and avoid them as much as I can for the next 9 months. It's self preservation mode. I have to protect what little sanity and positivity I've got left.

Hell, I wish my family was considerate about my feelings. It seems everything wrong comes out of their mouth instead of anything remotely sensitive.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

I'm with Armywife on this one, 2 years of TTC means that I deal with pregnant friends and family badly I will say the right things and pretend to portray the expected expressions but inside I will judge them and their partner and question why they are able to have a child when we can't. I genuinely believe that we are the better parents and deserve it more, I know it is mean and bitter but I just can't seem to over-come it.

Only a few people know how I really feel about pregnant women and I was very hurt a few weeks ago when one of these people decided to tell me that my bitterness is such a nasty trait and that the negativity could be impacting on my fertility

 

[Madgirl]

How do I handle it? Lol. I completely lose it. Freak out, cry, call them horrible names, get mad, then calm down eventually and feel even worse for how I acted. Sigh.

 

[wonderstars]

When I had been trying for 10 months or so, I was super happy for my girlfriend....I got to 13 months and my girlfriend who started trying a year after me got pregnant on her first go around. She announced at a birthday lunch for me. I start crying and ran out of my own birthday lunch.

Now at 14 months, I can't stand to look at most pregnant women. Funny enough, I can cry when I see the pregnant women but after they give birth I absolutely LOVE visiting their babies, lol. It's something about that pregnant belly...I just want to be experiencing that and the end result.

 

[Maurie]

I do not do well, as most pregnancy announcements are from people who can not care for their kiddos.

I was talking to my MIL one day and she told me that a cousin was pregnant; after the conversation was over I was sitting on DH's lap and told him. I was so Angry I threw my phone into the other room, and just cried and cried on DH. (To be fair to my MIL, she had NO idea we had been trying)

 

[Princess Lou]

Hey, we have been TTC for over three years but when I find out that someone else is pregnant I am thrilled for them. Yes I get a little sad that once again it's not me but at the end of the day, they are not getting pregnant to be mean to me and they shouldn't put their lives on hold just because I am having problems. I see it as a completely separate thing and in no way connected to me.

I get sad when I see pregnant ladies, babies etc but no more so than the next broody person. The fact that I am having issues doesn't come in to it.

XX

 

[kchandler]

I think you family was just trying to protect you and be sensitive to your feelings. Try not to let it get to you (although I know it can be hard). I think there intentions were in the right place.

When it is my family that is pregnant, I'm happy even though I wish that I could be too. I'm happy because its another baby that will be in my family, and I know how much I love all my nieces and nephews. Being around them has actually made this process much easier on me. I would have thought it would be the opposite. When it's somebody else, it tends to be a different story. Of course, I'm jealous, but I tend to become slightly resentful, even though I know it's nothing personal. Of course, I don't show this to them, but secretly I resent that they are pregnant with such little effort and I'm over here busting my hump with blood draws, meds, and IUIs. The worst part for me though is when their baby is born (I know that sounds completely awful!). Partly because I always try to comfort myself by saying that I will probably be pregnant by the time they have theres, and then of course it doesn't work out that way. It's just hard knowing someone else has conceived, carried for 9 months, and delivered while I'm stilling waiting.

 

[Skoer1360]

lol, it kinda depends on who it is and if they have struggled too. One of my good friends was ttc for 20months and went through 1 mc before she conceived her baby (and she's due on 1/21!) and I've been good with her (lately has been hard though :\ she's getting big and it makes me sad, we were supposed to tell our families on christmas). But my SIL first month trying, first grandchild, told everyone when she was 5 weeks along... I cried and cried and was bitter for a long time but I'm slowly getting over it.

 

[TinkHarris]

Its hard dealing with everyone around you getting pregnant but not you. Its hard enough that you have to listen to your own thoughts, everyone else has to say something to you too. I am 26 years old and my 18 year old sister ran off, got married, and got pregnant and then 4 months later, my 20 year old sister found out she was pregnant. My mom always would call my and say " I just wanted to tell you because I didnt want you to be hurt when someone else tells you." Family may be family but they do not understand what this feels like to go through. Myself, I cry and cry when I try to dela with someone else having a baby when I think it should be me. I have not been pregnant in 3 years with no children now. I hate hearing these little words the family always says.

 

[TattooedMamma]

It kina depends on where in my cycle I am.. If it's around or just after ov time I can handle it better, I feel more full of hope for us. But if it's when im waitin for af or af has just arrived im heartbroken.

It also depends who it is.. my brothers gf (who i really dislike for various reasons), announced she was pregnant about 4 months ago on a Sunday in my parents house, I was gobsmacked, felt sick and went to the bathroom to cry. Although I said congrats beforehand.
It's so hard, as I see her bump grow it's like a slap across the face. I'm really sad about the whole thing, wish I wasn't though.

Just found out yesterday that my younger cousin is pregnant again.. she's been with her bf for about 4 months. She'll have been pregnant 4 times to 4 different people and there's talk amongst family that she aborted the previous pregnancy.

ttc is a very tough journey .

 

[doopersgurl]

i dont tend to deal with i to well unless i think they really want a baby and not just for the tag!!!

i get very angry when people who are young and no jobs do it..

but lets keep looking up ladies and keep hoping :0

 

[charbaby]

Not very well at all

 

[Sexki11en]

Now creeping up on 2 years later, I push friends and family away that announce they're expecting. Honestly I am a bit happy for them, but I'm upset it's not me. My sadness, and failure outweigh the happiness. I can't bring myself to be around them and avoid them as much as I can for the next 9 months. It's self preservation mode. I have to protect what little sanity and positivity I've got left.

This for me. I'm currently hiding from SIL who is PG with their 2nd after 'struggling' to conceive for 6 months (I kid you not)

SK x

 

[Armywife84]

Now creeping up on 2 years later, I push friends and family away that announce they're expecting. Honestly I am a bit happy for them, but I'm upset it's not me. My sadness, and failure outweigh the happiness. I can't bring myself to be around them and avoid them as much as I can for the next 9 months. It's self preservation mode. I have to protect what little sanity and positivity I've got left.

This for me. I'm currently hiding from SIL who is PG with their 2nd after 'struggling' to conceive for 6 months (I kid you not)

SK x

Do we secretly have the same SIL ? Mine's an insensitive pregnant cow too. A year later after scoring Clomid twins on her first round (she doesn't have PCOS or endo) she has an oops in May. Upset isn't even the right word, I was devastated!

Long story short I deleted her from FB explaining why (my coping mechanism), then she has the balls to tell my DH in a message that I'm being selfish (it's FB, grow up) and that she knows more about struggling to conceive than I do. EXCUSE ME??!! Ooo month 13 she gets knocked up, I'm around the corner from 2 years!! Needless to say we haven't spoken since..she hasn't bothered to apologize, nothing. I've already written her off.

 

[Try Rocking]

I'm happy when someone else gets pregnant. Regardless of how long it took them to get pregnant or whether it was an accident.
I have had the odd moment of feeling sorry for myself when I find out because I'm not pregnant along with them but that doesn't change the fact that I'm excited for them.

My SIL just found out she's expecting after trying for 2 months, I felt sorry for myself for a minute and then got excited because I'll have a new niece or nephew next year!

 

[trying hard]

The first year was fine because at that stage I thought my turn would be next but now I am SOOOOO freaking over it. All these people that started trying after us now have little toddlers. Of course I act the way your supposed to act when someone tells you but after they leave I just want to curl up in a ball and hide until I can say "hey me too!"

One of my best friends who is already a GREAT mum is now 12 weeks along after getting pregnant on month 3. I see her every couple of days because I look after her lil man while she is at work and it just kills me a little every time I see her and her beautiful belly. Crazy jealous of the most deserving person! I cant believe what infertility has turned me into. If my former self could see me now I think I would slap me.

Infertility is such a b****h. I hate that I now feel like I have to hide from pregnant people so I don't embarrass myself or hurt their feelings. I know its not their fault I'm not pregnant but it still sucks.

 

[wonderstars]

I am at the point now where I can barely be congratulatory to a couple who just started and are pregnant just like that. I feel so badly. My two best friends, both new moms, said that they were glad I was showing some emotion because I'm just so supportive of everyone else that I forget I need support to.

That stuck. So many of us feel guilty for not supporting these women but it's not wrong to want to be the one who's gets supported. Everyone has to be selfish once in a while. Take care of your emotions because you still have a journey ahead of you that you need to be strong for.