How do you handle interference?

[calm]

I've talked before about my tense in law relationship since having the twins. They live nearby and are very very full on, and matters are not made better by the fact father in law is just as bad as mother in law, so its like having 2 mother in laws They have no other grandchildren, and have a lot of time on their hands, plus they are of a very obsessive nature.

So I just wondered how all of you handle interference? I sometimes ignore, and other times I just have to speak up, which however nicely I say it, its always met with tension... They look after them 2 afternoons/evenings a week when I work. They also see them other days.


If I leave their shirts open, they will button one up. If I leave the high chairs low down, they leave them high up. If I loosen the straps they tighten them. If I put the cot in one place, they move it to another.

I really have to breath through my temper, which is often there as I am extremely busy and stressed, and I'm a lot better than I was those first raw months. But still, its hard! How do yo all deal with interference?

 

[6lilpigs]

I think as long as your happy to speak up on the bigger stuff the smaller stuff you may just need to bite your tongue on Do you need them to watch them or is there any other option??

Meant to add, I was lucky and didnt have any one offering to help lol

 

[lau86]

Sorry but I did lol a bit at the 2 MIL comment, how awful for you!
I agree with pp I would try and bite my tongue at the small things so when it comes to the bigger things they know you mean business. What does your OH think? Would he be able to say anything? Do they move things around because they generally think it's better like that or do you just think they want to control everything?
If I saw them moving stuff around I might say 'I just like that there because x y z' and hope they get the idea. You might've tried a lot of this already though!

 

[_Meep_]

I zone out and slowly murder them inside my head, then whinge to OH. It's always his dumbass mum who is the problem. Her favourite thing is to check the temperature of LO's hands as soon as she sees her and then croon in her face about what a poor little baby she is as her hands are 'cold' (they are usually on the cooler side, even when the rest of her is warm).

OH has become so sick of me whining that he usually speaks up now when she is being moronic, which is both helpful and amusing.

 

[Mushymilkfor2]

That is definitely annoying! I do speak up when it's something more major or have my husband say something to his mom if she's the one doing it. She comes over often and helps out and while it's not always baby related she'll put things away in my house that she feels is a better spot. In the end I'm glad these things get put away but annoyed that I sometimes have to go search for things because she decided that x belonged in another spot instead!

She'll also dress ds if she comes over and he's running around in only a diaper, which he loves to do! But since they're minor things I just ignore and walk away!

 

[calm]

My DH got sick of me going on about his parents too, but he would just ignore it and zone out if I didn't speak up to him.

And yes, as you all say, my way of dealing with it is ignoring the small, and speaking out with those bigger things, like the cot moving. Firstly it just annoys me because they think they know better than me, I'm the children's mother for goodness sake! And second, it means I can't open the wardrobe and that meant I woke up the other twin in the middle of the night when one needed an emergency change. So I told them and said the message basically of "its them you are hurting, not me". I say it in a kindly way, but the message is that!