How do you keep your hopes up?

[OliveBay]

Well, my bleeding that started yesterday has pretty much turned into AF-like bleeding so I'm pretty certain this baby has gone too

I'm trying to just think of this as AF and not a miscarriage, but I had stupidly already started getting my hopes up about being pregnant. I'm more sad for the loss of my hopes rather than for this baby - it feels very different to my second tri loss.

I'm just finding it so hard right now to not give up hope. All I want is to have a family, and the baby we lost in September would have been our first. Its so unfair that so many people in this world don't plan or want babies, don't look after themselves or their children properly, but they end up with big families anyway. All I want is one healthy baby of my own to love and bring up but right now I just have no guarantee that I will ever carry a baby to full term - I feel like I have this extra level of sadness and despair in grieving for the loss of this dream as well as grieving for the actual baby I lost.

I'm not quite ready to give up trying for a baby of my own just yet (I'm still keeping adoption as a very distant back-up plan), but how many more times will I have to cry myself to sleep and how many more babies will I have to grieve before I get my rainbow? I don't want to offend anyone who holds religious beliefs, but I'm not particularly religious and I don't believe that losing my babies was 'meant to be' or part of some bigger plan. I can't find any sense in this other than bad luck, and nature and my body failing me again. It's just so unfair.

Are there any success stories you ladies can share about people who have had losses with their first and subsequent pregnancies and then gone on to have a family? Any words of hope and inspiration will be of great help.

Thanks x

 

[Hellylou]

Sally, again I am so sorry about all of this.

I know it's hard right now but don't give up hope. I have a friend who lost a little boy at 20 weeks, then went on to get pregnant with twins, one of which she lost at 15 weeks, but the other survived. She then had a miscarriage at about 8 weeks, and then had 2 more healthy children after that. Another friend of mine had 2 miscarriages then a healthy baby, then another 2 miscarriages and then a healthy baby. She never had testing because they wait for 3 in a row before they investigate! Miscarriage is a lot more common than any of us realise. Lots of people lose their babies, they just never talk about it. When you think of how fragile and miraculous a process it is, it's amazing that conception even happens, then for everything to go just right, it's another huge miracle.

And when you think, people very rarely share the news of a pregnancy until at least 12 weeks because they know just how common it is for a pregnancy to end before that date. The risk falls to a much lower one after that, but we all know the unpleasant reality of that too.

Please don't give up hope. It is easier for some than others to get their babies straight away. I have 2 children, and I never even thought about anything going wrong. Then I lost Thomas and I woke up to reality in the worst possible way. I was so naive.

Sending much love and hugs your way today. You will get your baby to take home before you know it.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Sally,
I am so so sorry this has happened to you and you are right it is not fair. My heart breaks for you and I wish I could find some reasons for this , but I can't. All I can say is I am here if you ever need to talk and I pray that 2012 will be a bright and better one for you and everyone.

I know you feel let down and I would also, but once you give up that is it, it goes down hill from there, I gave up hope and for a long time I didn't accept things but now I have found out that hope is all we have and never to let go of it even in this time of despair, anger and loss. Good things will happen for you, I know it.

I am so sorry, Sally

 

[BMR3]

Sadly enough I can relate to what your saying. My first pregnancy was perfect never had any problems until the day I went into labor at 38 wks. When I reached the hospitol, they gave me a ultrasound and confirmed that my baby heart had stopped beating. Going through that was horrible, and I too, had the same thoughts as you. I remember asking my family why this could happen, when my husband and I wanted this baby so badly and so many other people didn't want children and were horrible parents. I really still don't have any answers for this. But I waited four years before ttc again, got pregnant right away and had a healthy rainbow baby. So after having my rainbow in 2008 my dh and I wanted to ttc one more child, seeing how we thought that are luck had changed and lost our little girl at 19 weeks in Sept of this year.

So I can totally relate to how your feeling, I've been their and still have the same questions. My dh and I are currently in the 2ww and its scary. My thoughts on trying again is this; I don't want look back at my life in 30 years and regret not trying again.

Sorry I went on so long, but hopefully this helps

BMR3

 

[Bride2b]

Sally how you feel completely echos my feelings. I am terrified that my body is crap & that we will never have a child. This was my first pregnancy which took us 10 months to achieve (I know thats not long in comparison to how long some people try). I am so scared of this happening again and I think thats what is making the grief I feel so much worse as I dont know if I will ever have a baby of my own in my arms. I have never been maternal & was worried when I was pregnant that I wouldnt bond with my baby. I know I have said this before but I think what has happened has taught me that I can love a child and want to do everything in my power to protect it. However much I want a baby in the future (and I want it to be really soon) I cant help but want the baby I lost & cant imagine I will ever get over losing him. I have felt very withdrawn & holding my feelings in the last few days as I am trying to not let people see I am hurting. I am so scared that this could all happen again and almost feel like I am grieving for the children I might not ever have.

Big hugs Sally, hope you are ok xxx

 

[OliveBay]

Thanks for all your kind words. I'm still hanging in there with hope for the future, but its just so hard. I can't really be bothered to do anything right now, I'm just moping around the house. Luckily I have another week before going back to work. I just wish there was a crystal ball or magic mirror that I could look into to give me reassurance that I will have a child one day, rather than not knowing if it will ever happen for us.

I really don't want to turn into some tragic person who is obsessed with getting pregnant and suffering one miscarriage after another. I suppose I should be grateful that at least i get pregnant easy enough - its happened first time on both attempts, which does make me lucky I suppose, but what's the point in getting pregnant if it never goes to full term? At least Lily Allen has got her rainbow baby now. There is hope for me and everyone else on here, there just has to be...

I must be feeling quite determined to keep on trying as I've already bought some more digis (UK ladies, Amazon has twin pack CB digis for just £7.99, which I thought was a bit of a bargain and worth sharing with you all! I don't trust ICs anymore as the ones I used this time were totally crap)

Big hugs and best wishes for 2012 to everyone. Very glad to leave 2011 behind.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Thanks for all your kind words. I'm still hanging in there with hope for the future, but its just so hard. I can't really be bothered to do anything right now, I'm just moping around the house. Luckily I have another week before going back to work. I just wish there was a crystal ball or magic mirror that I could look into to give me reassurance that I will have a child one day, rather than not knowing if it will ever happen for us.

I really don't want to turn into some tragic person who is obsessed with getting pregnant and suffering one miscarriage after another. I suppose I should be grateful that at least i get pregnant easy enough - its happened first time on both attempts, which does make me lucky I suppose, but what's the point in getting pregnant if it never goes to full term? At least Lily Allen has got her rainbow baby now. There is hope for me and everyone else on here, there just has to be...

I must be feeling quite determined to keep on trying as I've already bought some more digis (UK ladies, Amazon has twin pack CB digis for just £7.99, which I thought was a bit of a bargain and worth sharing with you all! I don't trust ICs anymore as the ones I used this time were totally crap)

Big hugs and best wishes for 2012 to everyone. Very glad to leave 2011 behind.

Stay positive and don't let things get you down. We have to get back up and keep trying. We may need a little rest here and there but keep your positive attitude and I just know great things will happen for you.
Sally, I am really sorry you are going through this, I wish I could hug you Don't ever give up.. XOXOOXOOXO

 

[jennijunni]

I am so sorry you are going through this again. Dont give up hope, it is what will keep you going, happy, and sane. I know how hard it is right now. Lots and lots of hugs!!! You are right you WILL have your baby!! I know it!! Lots and lots of prayers, I am thinking of you!