How do you prepare for after birth time?

[Nattimam]

Now that I am nearing my due date, I am thinking how to prepare for the after birth time in terms of household activities. My husband works a lot, he doesn't cook and during pregnancy I was ironing his shirts and pants every other day before work. Although I do not mind cooking something easy, I don't know how he will meet his ironing needs, or when he will manage to do some cleaning in the house? What if I will have a longish physical recovery after birth? Then I have no idea at all!
Should I look into hiring someone to come a few times a week to do ironing and cleaning? We don't have tons of money to hire a helper on a continuous basis, but I also know that I cannot jump over my head and try to take care of everything myself.

 

[bekkie]

cooking: do stuff in advance and freeze it... pasta sauces, chili's, soups, etc... slow cooker - if you don't have one, I highly suggest getting one! it's fantastic being able to throw some veggies, a roast, and some seasoning in and having an amazing dinner 6-8 hours later.

cleaning: for the first few weeks, I completely ignored it... and the world kept on spinning. Would I have loved to hire a cleaner? Maybe... but then I would have had someone strange in my house while I was in my pajamas with my newborn, not my idea of fun. Once I was able to move around, I did what I could when I could... some of it during the day, some of it in the evening when DH would spend some alone time with DS, during bathtime or whatever.

I dunno about ironing - DH does his own and always has.

 

[kanga]

Are with pp re cooking and freezing. As much as you can!

I'd get someone in if you can. You don't want to be thinking about housework and ironing in the first month after you get your baby, at the very least. I assume you oh is taking pat leave? In which case he can do a couple of weeks ironing before he is back to work. Ill definitely be getting the cleaning and ironing done by someone next time as I'm the kind of person who can't just let it lie and I need it all to be done! Xx

 

[Dream.dream]

I agree with the cooking before hand.

As for cleaning , honestly your going to probably be exhausted , and sore and the amount of cleaning you'll get done will e minimal. I'd get you'd husband prepared to do alot of the cleaning , and teach him to do his own ironing . Your going to be basically consumed by feeling and changing baby , and physically recovering so you'll need help with the basic household stuff

 

[Nattimam]

Cooking is actually the least of my worries, but proper cleaning and husband's ironing is. I am also not very find of having a stranger in my house cleaning and doing stuff, and had a bad luck finding someone who actually cleans well so it creates extra stress. I also have a dog to take care of. Maybe I am just whiny but feels like I am going to be torn in dif. directions.

 

[girlinyork]

I think you're well within your rights to start teaching your husband how to do the necessary domestic tasks. You're not superwoman and he isn't an eejit. He can push a vacuum and an iron around from time to time I'm sure

 

[MumToEva]

Hope you don't mind me saying, but your life is going to change considerably, so why shouldn't your hubby's too? I say this as someone who tried to do everything and be super mum when my daughter was born, ie keeping up with the cleaning and cooking, as well as doing all baby stuff too, including all the night feeds with a high needs baby. I ended up exhausted, and resented my hubby for it - he on the other hand was actually doing LESS than before baby when I was working full time. Things had to change, and he has learned to take on some of the household tasks, including a certain amount of cooking and cleaning, particularly when I went back to work. He's now a great help and we work as a team a lot more in getting Eva to bed, doing night feeds (she still doesn't sleep through the night) and sorting dinner, cleaning up after etc.

Just don't set yourself up in the super mum role, cause if you get a high needs baby it may not work, and it can lead to resentment.

 

[Guppy051708]

eh, no worries about the cleaning- your standards will be lowered soon enough

if you have the money to hire someone, that would be fab. I would envy that LOL. but if you dont, then i would say your DH needs to step up. With all do respect, he may work many hours, but raising a baby is a 24/7 job. If anything he should be helping you, but thats just MO. I could not have survived with my husbands help...

 

[jazzandru]

If there is a genuine reason why he cannot iron his shirts himself, rather than do it daily before work, do them all at the weekend. He can watch the baby while you do the ironing. Then it's sorted for the week.

As said above, cook and freeze meals. Then hubby can heat it up when he gets in. Housework can be done as much as you feel up to. Draw up a rota if need be giving tasks to you and tasks to hubby. Baby can come in the pram for dog walks. I have 3 dogs, 2 horses a house to keep tidy and no partner to help me. Baby will be joining in with the essential stuff like animal care and if the house is less than the normal level of tidy? Well so what.

Husbands need to realise that the house is not your job just because you are not out at work. Get it agreed now before you have the stress of sleepless nights clouding your judgement and nerves!

 

[Nattimam]

thank you, yes I guess it is my Mom's example that is in my mind and I feel like I am not as superhuman as she was! She had 5 kids and did ironing, working, and keeping the home together somehow. My Dad helped too but men in those times were not as helpful I guess. So I am thinking if she did it with 5 kids then how can I not do with 1?
My husband is the type who will just say "let's hire someone" or "let's order take out" as if we are millionaires. I don't want to throw money around just because he never learned how to cook in his life. I am pretty sure he will be very helpful with baby, but I also want real help with home, just not sure how to do it without resenting him or making our relationship suffer somehow.

 

[girlinyork]

I think taking the time to talk this out with him beforehand will help avoid any pitfalls. If he has an idea in what is expected of him then it'll really help things run that little bit smoother

 

[Guppy051708]

thank you, yes I guess it is my Mom's example that is in my mind and I feel like I am not as superhuman as she was! She had 5 kids and did ironing, working, and keeping the home together somehow. My Dad helped too but men in those times were not as helpful I guess. So I am thinking if she did it with 5 kids then how can I not do with 1?
My husband is the type who will just say "let's hire someone" or "let's order take out" as if we are millionaires. I don't want to throw money around just because he never learned how to cook in his life. I am pretty sure he will be very helpful with baby, but I also want real help with home, just not sure how to do it without resenting him or making our relationship suffer somehow.

My mom also had 5 kids (all 5 under 7, actually) and she was the same as yours. I swear she was like super mom. She could get a load of laundry folded, make supper, and tend to all of us WHILE talking to someone on the phone all at once. It was pretty impressive! So i know how you feel. With that said, I am now going on #3 and i still am not anywhere near her talent yet. I think it takes time to gain your footing with motherhood. Finding a balance between raising children and bringing up the home is going to take time. Eventually you will learn how to do these things but it wont be over night. Chances are your mom (and my mom) had to have a couple of kids before they mastered everything so well. It looks easy bc they can do it seemlessly, but i am sure they started out similar to our skill level. I know with 2 babies my house still looks like a mess and cooking isn't always the best meals. I have learned to lower my standards so that im not stressed out or feeling like a bad house wife (not disgustingly low though LOL). Just remember, Rome wasn't built in a day

 

[Nattimam]

that is really encouraging maybe I am worrying for nothing, and I definitely need to lower my standards especially with my problem of delegating and trusting that someone can do something not worse than I can. Will update shortly!

 

[Amy89]

Why don't you give him one room to be responsible for the cleaning of? I did that to my OH, his job was to do the washing up and tidy the kitchen after. He started off doing the dishes once a week only, and he's now doing the washing up, taking the bin out, clearing the litter tray, and cleaning the kitchen properly as often as it needs it. He even chucks a load of washing in every now and again if I'm too tired to do anything Took a while because he was very much wrapped in cotton wools and didn't do anything at his mums, but he's much better now

 

[SianMA]

Can you send his ironing round to his mums?? My MIL is a superstar and she actually had dh take all the ironing to her without me knowing, but if he really can't iron it could be a solution.

He might actually like to learn to get all the domestic stuff done himself, just remember that it won't be to your standards to start with!