How does you OH/DH cope with TTC?

[NorthStar]

Am also very glad I'm not tied for life to anyone I dated in my teens too but that is the normality in his family, when we first started going out together 2 years ago he warned me that the men in his family are super fertile and that he would probably knock me up at any time

Fast forward to cycle 2 of TTC (this month) and despite my educational sermons he pretty much expects an announcement imminently, way to put the pressure on...

 

[kosh]

I also think that men don't have the same time pressures as us women. As has been well documented, men are capable of fathering children well into their 60's and even 70's, whereas we all know that once in our 40's our chances diminish rapidly.

My dh just doesn't have that same feeling that I do that another month gone by is another opportunity missed. He thinks we have all the time in the world!!

hello ladies!
found this interesting thread and thought i could add my experience, hope you don't mind!

my DH was a bit difficult too, mainly at the beginning. he seemed to think that it would just 'happen' even if we were having sex only once a week! when i started using opk he used to think that a couple of days later would not make a difference either (while, of course, i was crying desperately, that we'd lost our chances that month....). until one day i had this brilliant idea: he's into motorbykes and is saving to but one he really likes, so i said to him: "imagine that there is a new law that states that noone will be allowed to ride after they are 41 (he's 40) (or they will be allowed but not faster than 35mph!)...so when you find out this, you obviously want to start saving as much and as fast as possible so you can get your byke in time to be able to enjoy it...how would you feel if i said "oh don't worry, if we can't save anything this month, we'll try to spend a bit less the next one..."
i know it sounds silly, but it did work!! after that he was 100% on board!!!

 

[Indigo77]

I don't know wheter or not it was because he saw the disappointment in my face last night or not, but now he has done a total 180 and says that we will do whatever we need to do.

Frankly, I have so much doubt now that I am not completely sure if I want to continue this or not.

Yay...good boy!

C'mon DMom...just give it a go and see what happens...and what will be will be...

 

[NorthStar]

It's funny that you started this thread; my DH and I just had this conversation last night. I was the one who had a meltdown and told his that if he isn't going to be more proactive about it, then I was going to go ahead and have my tubes tied. I know that sounds drastic, but I cannot do this every cycle if I feel like I want it more than he does; he suggested we move into NTNP, but I explained to him that I would worry every month whether or not we were doing things "correctly."

I don't know wheter or not it was because he saw the disappointment in my face last night or not, but now he has done a total 180 and says that we will do whatever we need to do.

Frankly, I have so much doubt now that I am not completely sure if I want to continue this or not.

I can totally understand where you are coming from DHM, I think a lot of us have OH's who are good talking the talk about TTC but are ultimately failling a bit in the delivery (all talk and no trousers as we'd say in the UK) at the crucial time when opk says go

But remember you're not just having a baby for him, you're doing it for yourself as well and to give you DD a sibling, etc etc.

 

[readyformore]

My husband is pretty clueless. He agreed to have unprotected sex whenever I want. . . that's about it.

He is supportive to me whenever I'm a mess over AF.

He's not jumping up and down to have a baby. But, I think that's mostly just because he's a guy. Men don't seem to have this overwhelming desire to populate the earth like women do!

 

[Indigo77]

Mine is onboard 100%...He takes my temp every morning, he takes his supplements and makes sure I take mine...He keeps tabs on the calendar....and he is up for BDing anytime, anywhere....He even apologizes when he has to go on business trips...He made his own SA appointment for Monday...

It's not on his mind as much as it is on mine and he does not do the research I have done...but I don't expect it...Fortunately, I have no complaints...

 

[NorthStar]

Mine is onboard 100%...He takes my temp every morning, he takes his supplements and makes sure I take mine...He keeps tabs on the calendar....and he is up for BDing anytime, anywhere....He even apologizes when he has to go on business trips...He made his own SA appointment for Monday...

It's not on his mind as much as it is on mine and he does not do the research I have done...but I don't expect it...Fortunately, I have no complaints...

I think rather than reading TCOYF I'd probably pay for a copy of your Ultimate Guide to Husband Wrangling

My OH went away to work with the multivitamins as recommended by Macwooly, he'd better be taking them whilst he's away, or I'm going to be kicking him in his cute little arse

 

[Indigo77]

Mine is onboard 100%...He takes my temp every morning, he takes his supplements and makes sure I take mine...He keeps tabs on the calendar....and he is up for BDing anytime, anywhere....He even apologizes when he has to go on business trips...He made his own SA appointment for Monday...

It's not on his mind as much as it is on mine and he does not do the research I have done...but I don't expect it...Fortunately, I have no complaints...

I think rather than reading TCOYF I'd probably pay for a copy of your Ultimate Guide to Husband Wrangling

My OH went away to work with the multivitamins as recommended by Macwooly, he'd better be taking them whilst he's away, or I'm going to be kicking him in his cute little arse

Send 'EM over...

I wonder of it has anything to do with the fact that we have been together for 20+ years? He has been in training for a looooong time...

 

[future_numan]

Mine is very ..la-de-da.. about TTC but he acts disappointed everytime AF arrives..
I think this time he is even more laid back because if after a small amount of time trying ..we'll just return to the DR and he will wave his majic wand again and we will get pregnant.. he doesn't even think about the fact that we are both getting older and there is a small chance we might ever be able to conceive again !!

 

[dachsundmom]

Mine is very ..la-de-da.. about TTC but he acts disappointed everytime AF arrives..
I think this time he is even more laid back because if after a small amount of time trying ..we'll just return to the DR and he will wave his majic wand again and we will get pregnant.. he doesn't even think about the fact that we are both getting older and there is a small chance we might ever be able to conceive again !!

I am in a little different position, but also sort of the same. My DH is younger than I am and so he thinks that we have all the time in the world! He does, he's looking at 30, while all I see are my eggs shriveling up and dying, lol!

I know that sounds dramatic, but it's just how I feel sometimes.

 

[Indigo77]

Mine is very ..la-de-da.. about TTC but he acts disappointed everytime AF arrives..
I think this time he is even more laid back because if after a small amount of time trying ..we'll just return to the DR and he will wave his majic wand again and we will get pregnant.. he doesn't even think about the fact that we are both getting older and there is a small chance we might ever be able to conceive again !!

Remind us...What did you do last time? IUI?

 

[NorthStar]

I am in a little different position, but also sort of the same. My DH is younger than I am and so he thinks that we have all the time in the world! He does, he's looking at 30, while all I see are my eggs shriveling up and dying, lol!

I know that sounds dramatic, but it's just how I feel sometimes.

Probably better if you think of your eggs as being more like a case of shiraz that's been laid down for a while, maybe lose the odd bottle to corkage but the ones that are left are properly matured and premium quality.

 

[Natsby]

I´m happy, my OH talked to a friend of his last night and they chatted about us ttc and he came home feeling better about it and said he hadn´t been fair about it all. So now he is loose pants and even agreed to try SMEP. Mind you I haven´t managed to persuade him to dtd today so it isn´t working yet. But it is an improvement!

 

[Macwooly]

Glad that your DH is starting to realise he needs to be a little more involved Hope things continue to go positively

 

[Jax41]

I am in a little different position, but also sort of the same. My DH is younger than I am and so he thinks that we have all the time in the world! He does, he's looking at 30, while all I see are my eggs shriveling up and dying, lol!

I know that sounds dramatic, but it's just how I feel sometimes.

Probably better if you think of your eggs as being more like a case of shiraz that's been laid down for a while, maybe lose the odd bottle to corkage but the ones that are left are properly matured and premium quality.

Like it Northstar!!!

 

[Jax41]

I´m happy, my OH talked to a friend of his last night and they chatted about us ttc and he came home feeling better about it and said he hadn´t been fair about it all. So now he is loose pants and even agreed to try SMEP. Mind you I haven´t managed to persuade him to dtd today so it isn´t working yet. But it is an improvement!

Excellent news Nats! My DH had one of these 'I haven't been fair' moments last Sept when his grand-daughter was born - AT F***ING LAST!!!!!! Mind you, he has slipped since then.....I guess he just must love the kicks up the ar*e that I have to keep giving him!!x

 

[Saz100]

I´m happy, my OH talked to a friend of his last night and they chatted about us ttc and he came home feeling better about it and said he hadn´t been fair about it all. So now he is loose pants and even agreed to try SMEP. Mind you I haven´t managed to persuade him to dtd today so it isn´t working yet. But it is an improvement!

God they're awkward at times ey!! My BF just had his SA back 6 weeks later!! It's not bad but not good either as low morph and he just doesn;t seem to want to talk aboutit! I know it's a tricky subject but doc suggested he do another one but I really don't think he will. I will have to try using my powers of persuasion more wisely!! Glad your OH had that chat sometimes I think they don't talk to friends enough like us girlies do!

 

[alison29]

Great thread idea! Well here is a glimpse into my OH's brain. I told him his sister said she would have #4 (fertile myrtle) if she had million dollars, basically it's the money not the want holding her back. He said, "I would pay a million dollars not to have anotehr kid". What a dork huh? He tells our kids they are his best friends all the time. It's just his way of pushing my buttons because he knows the agreement we have come to not preventing but no medical intervention.

 

[sumatwsimit]

well, just like we all have, ive had words with my OH too. last month he knew i was busy with my opks etc. but when it came to the crucial days he went awol! the first night i suspected ov he met up with an old colleague for drinks who had flown in for a few days, the next night it just was a non event... i kicked off like a spoilt child and he knew i was a bit upset! needless to say, the following day when arriving home after work, he hadnt hardly even walked through the door before he decided it was BDing time...guilty conscience i call it...

...i told him, that was nice but thanks to you i think we have missed it this month (me being spoilt again). i hear u girls, men just dont get our 'urgency' and understand how strong we feel about it...until we either get upset or spell it out for them! we should learn not to take it personally, of course they want children too but their reactions and emotions are different to ours.

after i was upset about him not being as 'onboard' as id like, he came up with an idea for this month. he handed me a calendar and told me to mark on the days where i suspect ov will occur and he said he will work from that how funny. i thought it was a bit like organising his business diary but he feels comfortable this way so i suppose its o.k. i like it because he is quietly aware of it and i dont have to be telling him 'now's the time lets do it!'

im just keen to learn how much interest he takes in his marked calendar this month. now he's got no excuse...im booked in his diary well in advance!