how early is too early??

[munchkinnn]

I met my So May of last year and I'm absolutely and completely in love with this guy. We've spent every weekend together since june and I recently moved in November and everything is perfect even when I want to kill him cause I've never wanted anything more Then him. I'm in love with this guy. We just work. Oh and we got a puppy lol. I honestly don't see anything getting in the way of us.. he's good for me and it feels like this is going to be forever. So we've been together for 8 months and we plan on spending the rest of our lives together and a family should come with it but when? How early is too early ideally, but December is our TTC month

 

[ashleyg]

I'm old fashioned in the sense that I think it's best to be married and see how married life goes and then try for a baby. Marriage changes people sometimes, even if you've lived together for a while. But honestly, only you know what feels right and if you feel like you two are prepared (relationship wise) for a baby then go for it!

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

My partner and I was the same way, and was discussing kids after only a few months together. We decided to start trying a little over a year and a half into our relationship, and just lucked out that we eloped the month I got pregnant. No problems for us, and I can't imagine our lives now without our daughter! So if you think it's the right time for you guys this year, then go for it. You would know best.

 

[KalonKiki]

Everyone is different, but you could also still just be in the "honeymoon" phase of your relationship. My DF and I got pregnant with DS 7 months into our relationship (happy accident, not on purpose) and even though we felt like we were inseparable at the time our relationship has really been tested over the last 2 and a half years and it wasn't easy getting where we are today. We will have been together for nearly 3 years when we get married this June. We managed to work but a lot of relationships don't when a child becomes involved too soon. You've only been living together a couple of months, I'd give it a little more time and first consider marriage before trying for a baby. Most couples are together for at least 2 years when the question gets popped and then together for about 3 years when the actual wedding ceremony takes place and then generally wait until after their first year of marriage to start trying for a baby. That's also most couples though, we aren't planning to wait another year after our wedding to start trying for our second child (but may need to anyway strictly for financial reasons).

 

[skycastles]

I would have to say if you both are young, and can afford to wait, there's no harm enjoying the relationship between just the two of you for a few more months. How I feel about my husband in the first year of our relationship (when we were inseparable) is vastly different from 10 years down the road now. Each step of our relationship, from moving past the honeymoon period, to graduating and changing from student to working lifestyles, to searching for a house, having pets, travelling, the engagement period, getting married - it transforms the interactions between us. I'm not saying u wait 10 years! But if u can afford to, I would say it's a blessing to enjoy each other's attention fully through the other future phases of your relationship and not skip over those straight towards the fun, but most responsibility-laden, part (babies!). Because going through all these life events with my DH has been really enjoyable and a baby would have changed the dynamics completely. Not at all for the worse, but definitely the focus would have been on our child and not the bond between us.
But this is my opinion so good luck with whatever works for you

 

[kksy9b]

^wss

only you can know what is best and right for you. but don't discount the time with just you two because that part of your lives is such a special and unique time when you build the foundation of your relationship. I always say that my and my DH's relationship is the most important part of our family unit because it's the foundation. If we have cracks and breaks in it, the whole thing will crumble. We dated 3 years and got engaged, married at 4 years together (age 20) and our DS was born shortly after our 6 year wedding anniversary (so 10 years together in total). Even after a decade together, we were tested after the baby was born and it was rough for awhile. It changes the dynamic of your relationship and you have to be able to navigate it. Nothing can prepare you for it until you go through it. My advice would be to wait until you have had more time together and learn how to communicate and interact with each other when you are out of the "honeymoon" phase because loving one other isn't enough to get through it. With that, this is what worked for us. We were married very young and that was the right decision for us, but having a baby early on would not have worked in our situation. Everyone is different. If you can afford a baby and feels like the right decision, then go for it. Just don't feel pressured to move to the next phase because once you have a baby there is no going back!

 

[aimee-lou]

I agree you need to take some time to find your groove as a couple and to set up a home together. Travel and spend time together and enjoy it....as while I'm not one to say 'you'll never get time again once kids are here' it certainly isn't conducive to couple time! lol My hubby and I met and within 6 weeks we were living together, planning on getting married and having children, and fully committed to one another. We got engaged once we'd saved for a ring, which took 8months. We then got married 9 months after that once we'd saved up to pay for it. We planned on waiting 1 year from getting married to TTC but in the end we started TTC 8 months after we got married and were PG by 10months lol.

It was all very quick but we took steps to make sure we were stable and committed......we had a home together, paid off some debt, bought a 2nd car, had a couple of holidays together, and made plans to move forward. There is a lot more to life that just making babies, and we have plans for when the children are older/grown and personal goals that we still want to achieve, but the children were an important part of those too. We felt like the time was right, and we've never thought it was too soon to have babies, even though everyone said we were going too quick lol.

Sorry for the ramble.....but the sum up. Take some time to be yourselves before you become 'Mummy and Daddy', but if you're in agreement and are stable, then why the hell not! lol

 

[munchkinnn]

Thanks for everyone's advice and experiences on the matter and you all made valid points. We are financially stable I plan on finishing culinary school in the fall and that's when I'd like to start trying. I'm pretty sure we've cleared the honeymoon stage a few feet and family wise we're compatible to a T. We know what's expected of eachother and what we're both responsible for. We compromise pretty Well and just fit into eachothers lives like puzzle pieces. There has been a few heated arguments and we got through them pretty well also. I'd like to think we're perfect but I know we aren't but I still say we are cause to me we are and it wworks. Trying now would be like a leap of faith.. risky but possibly rewarding and I trust this man with my life... but 6 months from now seems okay..

 

[Iveneverseen]

We had kids before marriage and i am glad we did, some people get married and all falls apart once kids come on the scene.

we got pregnant 6 months into our relationship planned.
9 years later we are still together, married and have another child together and our eldest is from a previous relationship. we plan to ttc our last this autumn.

 

[munchkinnn]

We had kids before marriage and i am glad we did, some people get married and all falls apart once kids come on the scene.

we got pregnant 6 months into our relationship planned.
9 years later we are still together, married and have another child together and our eldest is from a previous relationship. we plan to ttc our last this autumn.

Yeah that's why we got a puppy first just to see how the stress would affect us.. and he's a Jack Russell mix and 5 months when we got him so it was pretty stressful lol still is at 8 months

 

[SugarBeth]

I'm old fashioned in the sense that I think it's best to be married and see how married life goes and then try for a baby. Marriage changes people sometimes, even if you've lived together for a while. But honestly, only you know what feels right and if you feel like you two are prepared (relationship wise) for a baby then go for it!

I feel the same way. Just dating isn't stable enough for me to risk bringing in a child. And at 8 months, you may still be in the infatuation stage. Have you sat down and discussed how many kids you'd both want, what parenting techniques you'd use, what kind of schooling you'd want for them, where you'd both want to live in what kind of house, etc? My husband and I talked about every detail of what was important to us about our future kids and marriage life before getting married to make sure we were in agreement about it all. That way there were no surprises when we started having kids.

 

[munchkinnn]

I'm old fashioned in the sense that I think it's best to be married and see how married life goes and then try for a baby. Marriage changes people sometimes, even if you've lived together for a while. But honestly, only you know what feels right and if you feel like you two are prepared (relationship wise) for a baby then go for it!

I feel the same way. Just dating isn't stable enough for me to risk bringing in a child. And at 8 months, you may still be in the infatuation stage. Have you sat down and discussed how many kids you'd both want, what parenting techniques you'd use, what kind of schooling you'd want for them, where you'd both want to live in what kind of house, etc? My husband and I talked about every detail of what was important to us about our future kids and marriage life before getting married to make sure we were in agreement about it all. That way there were no surprises when we started having kids.

Yes, and after a few compromises we're on the same page with everything.

 

[babydustcass]

For me it would have been too soon to plan, at that stage I still felt like I was getting to know OH, we were still honeymooning and everything really was bliss. We were thrown into the deep end though when 9 months into our relationship we found out i was pregnant. I cannot regret my son in anyway, he really was the best thing to ever happen to us and he changed everything! Absolutely everything! Im not going to deny having to work hard at our relationship over the years but we are still here 9 years later, married, our own home and our own business', and planning to try for number 3 this year. Sometimes we reflect how life would have been if we had been able to carry on dating and saw the world together before children.
We've had to work 10 times as hard to reach our goals than we would have had to without a child/ren in tow and its been a tough ride but one ive always felt confident in OH to be there right by me for.
Now i know what I know, I can't ever regret having a baby so soon with my OH, hindsight has a way of making your appreciate everything you have and every challenge and journey life throws at you but with all that said, I am not sure I would have chosen to have those seemingly short and precious years with just me and OH taken away again and whilst we arent in a hurry to see our children grow up, we do look forwards to the years where we can take a holiday alone and be a little bit selfish overindulging in one anothers company being just Husband and Wife

 

[munchkinnn]

For me it would have been too soon to plan, at that stage I still felt like I was getting to know OH, we were still honeymooning and everything really was bliss. We were thrown into the deep end though when 9 months into our relationship we found out i was pregnant. I cannot regret my son in anyway, he really was the best thing to ever happen to us and he changed everything! Absolutely everything! Im not going to deny having to work hard at our relationship over the years but we are still here 9 years later, married, our own home and our own business', and planning to try for number 3 this year. Sometimes we reflect how life would have been if we had been able to carry on dating and saw the world together before children.
We've had to work 10 times as hard to reach our goals than we would have had to without a child/ren in tow and its been a tough ride but one ive always felt confident in OH to be there right by me for.
Now i know what I know, I can't ever regret having a baby so soon with my OH, hindsight has a way of making your appreciate everything you have and every challenge and journey life throws at you but with all that said, I am not sure I would have chosen to have those seemingly short and precious years with just me and OH taken away again and whilst we arent in a hurry to see our children grow up, we do look forwards to the years where we can take a holiday alone and be a little bit selfish overindulging in one anothers company being just Husband and Wife

I understand where you're coming from but to me it's more Then worth it. I'm willing to make my children my life

 

[babydustcass]

And to me it has been absolutely worth every morsel of strife, but I am not so sure that it has always been the fairest for my son. There is no mistaking when you have a child, that they become your life. You can't be a parent without this inevitability.
I think however you have already made up your mind, and therefore others opinions arent really going to sway you either way and thats ok because you are the only one that really knows your relationship and mutual commitment. Lots of people plan their families early whilst others arent planned, and it can work out great but sometimes you need a little credit in the memory bank to be able to get through the tough times in the future. Sometimes it takes a little maturity to see through the rose tinted glasses. Giving it a year will help resolve any doubts you may have, make your choices more stronger and clearer. Sounds like you have a lovely guy to hang on there too

 

[munchkinnn]

And to me it has been absolutely worth every morsel of strife, but I am not so sure that it has always been the fairest for my son. There is no mistaking when you have a child, that they become your life. You can't be a parent without this inevitability.
I think however you have already made up your mind, and therefore others opinions arent really going to sway you either way and thats ok because you are the only one that really knows your relationship and mutual commitment. Lots of people plan their families early whilst others arent planned, and it can work out great but sometimes you need a little credit in the memory bank to be able to get through the tough times in the future. Sometimes it takes a little maturity to see through the rose tinted glasses. Giving it a year will help resolve any doubts you may have, make your choices more stronger and clearer. Sounds like you have a lovely guy to hang on there too

Yeahh he's great for me.. and I'm pretty sure you're right about the whole memory in the bank thing, that put a whole new prospective to it.. the what ifs and what's gonna happen when I'm completely off my rockers due to the whole hormonal journey.. I'm sure a few more months of just us would help both of (mostly him) deal with all the craziness to come.... gosh lol you actually made me tear up

 

[Springermommy]

I'm old fashioned in the sense that I think it's best to be married and see how married life goes and then try for a baby. Marriage changes people sometimes, even if you've lived together for a while. But honestly, only you know what feels right and if you feel like you two are prepared (relationship wise) for a baby then go for it!

I completely agree! Nothing wrong with being old-fashioned!