How long do you think you should be with someone before TTC?

[youngone]

Just curious on everyones opinions. I'm sure there will be cases where a couple has met and TCC a few months later and lived happily ever after, but as a general rule, what do you think?

I personally feel like living together first would be a must, and it took me about 2 years of living with my former partner to actually fully know and understand him and all his quirks/annoyances, in his true colours. Before then my excitement (due to a new relationship) just clouded my judgment and I couldn't see all the things I see now.

So for me personally, i'd ideally like to know someone and date them for about a year, then live with them for 2 years at least before i'd consider it. Although i'm sure excitement wouldn't let me wait that long if it were serious.

Its completely a case by case basis though, not meaning to judge anyones choices

 

[lucy_smith]

I personally agree with you! I would need to live with someone for 1-2 years. I've been living with bf for 3 now and I've feel we have known eacv other well enough to try for a baby a year ago, its a shame he isn't quite ready!

 

[RaspberryK]

Yes I tend to agree with you too, although it doesn't always make for plain sailing.
Dh and I started living together after 2 years engaged a year after that, married after we knew each other 5 years and ttc after we had bought our house a year after we were married.
Xx

 

[MummyJade]

I was only my daughters dad (if you can call him that) 3 months before i found out i was pregnant.. She wasnt planned but obviously that best thing ever.. We was together 3 years then i left...

I personally think its down to the couple.. i know people who met, moved in, married and kids all in a year and are still together now... If something feels right then many people dont want to wait...

x

 

[Lirpa11]

I agree a few years, and living together prior. It takes a bit to know someone, and a child is a big commitment so I think it's something you need to be sure about.

I know some people just know, and I did too when I was 18 and stray dating DH, but then again surely the people who don't make it thought they knew at one stage too that this was the one? I like to spend extra time to be sure (hopefully).

We have been together over 7 years. Probably won't start trying until near the 8 year mark

 

[spicyorange]

i think you need time to spend with each other if you want a relationship to last - babys are hard work so you need to be close - i think 1st year is getting to know each other and then after that is cementing your relationship - after that if all seems well then thats ok. personally i think marriage is better but i know not everyone would agree but it depends on the relationship - we've been together nearly 9 years - it will be 10 when we ttc!

 

[comotion89]

definetly think couples should be Living with each other I definetly wouldn't have ttc before then and I think after about 2 years, we are waiting till after we are married.

 

[youngone]

Cool to see what you all think

Yeah lots of people say they don't want to wait...BUT... in the grand scheme of things 2 years is a tiny amount of time when your alive for 80+ years. Around the one year mark I "though I knew", but I really had no idea until we had been through many ups and downs, hard times, and challenging circumstances.

I personally don't think you truly know someone until you've seen them during their low points. You can tell a lot about a person (especially a man) by witnessing how they deal with incredibly stressful situations. If it's a short-ish relationship and everything has been pretty smooth, when you have kids you might be shocked at how that person deals with stress/hardship, leaving you unprepared for life.

There are always exceptions, of course. But yeah, I know living together is important- which I understand not everyone can do due to things like religion etc.

 

[katherinegrey]

Me and DH were together around two and a half years when I became pregnant, living together for about a year, so although it was fairly quick, we just knew, and I have polycystic ovaries so waiting a long time wasn't really an option for us.

 

[hopeandpray]

I think it's a good idea to at least be together for as long as a pregnancy before you get pregnant. Of course there are always exceptions and some people can know each other only a few months, have a baby and live happily ever after. In most cases though I think you're better off trying to build a steady foundation for your relationship before rocking it by having a baby.

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

How long is a piece of string?

Me and hubby have been married for over 3 years, and by the time we TTC we'll have been together over 10 years. It's taken this long for us to get all our ducks in a row with studies, work, marriage, house, and health, but obviously many (most?) people won't have this length of journey before TTC is on the cards.

For me and hubby, we knew the moment we met (I am being serious!) that this was it. If we hadn't had so many things getting in our way we'd have got married sooner and would have kids by now, I'm sure.

I just think the relationship and circumstances should be stable and on track for lasting the distance, and capable of withstanding the stress and disruption a LO brings. Whether that's a year or ten years after getting together, really depends on the couple.

 

[MadameJ]

We had been together just over a year when we found out we were expecting(happy surprise) and had briefly lived together in that first year. We have now been together almost 6 years,married for almost a month and have 2 kiddies and hoping to add one more soon.

Some might have thought we had our son too quick but we knew we were meant to be so who cares what anyone else thought

 

[michelle535]

I think it depends on the individuals and personal choice so anything goes but I do think that it is important to have a really strong relationship before having kids as kids can add extra strain to a relationship. In my opinion the longer a couple is together the more time they have to strengthen their relationship and get to know each other.

 

[lozzy21]

3+ years. Having a baby is hard work and even the strongest couples bicker. If you haven't had that time together to get to know each other then the chances are its not going to last. Most couples split in the first year or marriage or the first year after a baby's born. That says it all.

 

[pichi]

well me and my OH were together just under a year before i fell pregnant (planned - but it happened quicker than we'd expected!) . 2 kids later we are still going strong and are planning on a 3rd when finances allow us.

I don't think it is the case of how long you have been together but how well you know one another. Me and my OH hadn't lived together until our DD was born... We now own our own house together!
Couples who have been together years can split up after the stresses of raising a child. As long as you are reading from the same page so to speak it can and will work.