How many chances can you give FOB?

[budgie23]

Hi all,

I haven't posted on single parenting before...but I have been stalking the threads and it gives me great comfort in knowing I am not the only one going through such an emotional time by myself.

If I typed the whole story of myself and FOB, it would be as long as the harry potter series...
So I thought I would generalise the question I want to ask...

How many chances do you give FOB?
I am usually such a headstrong person, and if you hurt me once you do not get to hurt me a second time!

But this situation is so much harder...there is another human being that I am responsible for who is involved...

Is there hope in giving someone so many chances? Has anyone given chances over and over and FINALLY had a good response from FOB?

Or how many times does it take until you realise this just isn't going to work?

I guess I am just a sad, lonely soul....looking for some hope in this mess of a situation.

xx

 

[MommaAlexis]

I'm very head strong. If you hurt my daughter you don't get a second chance. Hell, you're lucky if you don't get beat up. Fob has had a million chances with his other two kids (three different women) he's not getting even one more to hurt mine. I will not have my kid think he left her knowing who she was. He would have to really prove himself changed to see her now.

 

[jemmie1994]

My FOB is on his last chance now as far as I'm concerned I was reluctant to give him this chance as he abandoned her at 6 weeks and didn't get into contact till 2 months later but I felt I had to try my best to get him to be a part of Evie's life but if he screws up this time I'm done there is no more I can do for him

 

[Dezireey]

Did you mean after or before LO is born? or both I guess?

For me now, there will only be the chance given for him to involve himself in my son's life. He will never be able to re-kindle a relationship with me ever again. That stems purely from not bothering to contact me ( he only responded to contact) hardly at all and of course, the biggie.... not being there for the birth of his child... unforgiveable as far as I am concerned, so that chance has gone with me.

I wont give him more than one or two chances though to be in his sons life if he chooses. I dont want my son getting confused or messed about by him.

 

[Dream.dream]

i would never give him a second chance with you

however im still giving my sons dad chances with him because the stupid part of me says that maybe just maybe hell turn into a good dad

 

[Laura2919]

Tbh in the end you just give up trying. I did. As much as I hate it I have to let him make the mistakes and he will regret them but he wont know that until its happened

 

[krissy1984]

I gave mine 4 months of chances and then had enough. now he has to get access through solicitors which im organising. all he has to do is reply n its taken 3 weeks n he still ain't done it right!

Waste of space he is Xx

 

[budgie23]

Thank you all for your responses....

I guess I am at the giving up stage with our relationship...but as OP said I feel as though he deserves a chance to be there for our daughter when she is born...it's just so hard because if he hurts her I know I will want to kill him!

And his family are very involved and making an effort and helping me out...I just wish he could see how many times I have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, and how often he has terribly let me down..

Thank you all so much

xx

 

[Dream.dream]

at the end of the day youll know what the right thing is, youll do what you have to to do whats best for you daughter and you, and hes gunna do what ever he wants