How to bond with bub while pregnant...

[me222]

Maybe it's because we took so long to finally get pregnant and/or because we had a chemical last year..but, I don't feel bonded to baby. Maybe it won't happen until he/she is born?
I'm over the moon that we are finally pregnant after such a long journey of infertility. Others feel the same about not feeling bonded? Or others have tips?
I pray daily for bub. Maybe I'm just distancing myself though because I'm not used to things turning out well..after years of infertility, I am used to months of disappointment.
Advice?

 

[DobbyForever]

Hugs. I didn't bond with my son either at first. Especially because I had an anterior placenta so I didn't feel him. I tried reading to him, rubbing my belly, buying him things... but unfortunately it wasn't until he really started moving that I felt like wow that's my son in there. Even now some days I'm not really connected to him until he moves. It's just a really inconvenient bump. It was also hard because my mom had two late tri 2 losses so she would always remind me/herself that things could still go wrong. She didn't get excited until 27 weeks when the rate of survival is like 90%. So you are not alone. But hey 24 weeks is considering viability day so, while things likely will not go down that path, they will try to safe baby and it's been done successfully. Hugs

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I'm sure the feelings will change once baby arrives. I didn't feel connected with my third baby because she was my rainbow after three previous losses and then I had a chemical before getting pregnant with this baby so I have a hard time feeling that attachment. I'm sure once they are in our arms all that will change

 

[Scout]

I didn't bond while pregnant. I had several losses and a she was a high risk pregnancy; I'm not sure if that was the reason or not, but I didn't bond. I didn't bond after birth either, or have that overwhelming love feeling that people speak of. I was exhausted and all I felt was this need to take care of the baby and keep her safe. It wasn't until she was about 3 months old that I started to actually feel love and a bond. Then it just grew from there.

 

[everything]

I had 2 losses before this pregnancy and this is a high risk pregnancy because of that but I got really attached right from the start (we did IVF this time) but I didn't allow myself to get to excited because of our history.
I think after he started moving and after we found out that this little one is actually a boy that was the time I really started to bond with him. I think anyone who has been through a loss will be way more guarded then those that thankfully never go down that path. Don't force is, odds are that it will happen and I think being open about it will help you.

 

[DobbyForever]

I also think I just hate being pregnant. My pregnancy has been really easy symptom and health wise, but SO and I are shallow so I hate my body. He tries to tell me I'm gorgeous and truth be told I carry really well, but I was trying on bras today and all I could think was ffs this bra would look amazing if I didn't have this gigantic stomach. There are times I wish my belly would just go away and then I hate myself gecstse I do love and want my rainbow baby.

 

[sarah1980]

Maybe it's because we took so long to finally get pregnant and/or because we had a chemical last year..but, I don't feel bonded to baby. Maybe it won't happen until he/she is born?
I'm over the moon that we are finally pregnant after such a long journey of infertility. Others feel the same about not feeling bonded? Or others have tips?
I pray daily for bub. Maybe I'm just distancing myself though because I'm not used to things turning out well..after years of infertility, I am used to months of disappointment.
Advice?

I think you're spot on about infertility and being used to disappointment. This pregnancy took us just short of 4 years and an assisted conception to achieve and I've been the same. Was convinced at my early scan that it would be ectopic, then was convinced at my 12 weeks on that there would be nothing there, at my 20 weeks scan I expected a dreadful anomaly to be found. I'm now 33 weeks and haven't bought a thing for this baby, except ordered a pram, as I'm just so used to the disappointment I dare not let myself get excited in any way. I think I'm distancing myself too. I don't have any tips I'm afraid but maybe speak to your midwife? I've mentioned it to mine a few times and she's been supportive and said it's common in women who have struggled to conceive.

Sarah xxx

 

[MEPride]

What you're feeling is so completely normal. I posted a thread about this a while back. Most ladies who responded said they didn't feel love for their baby until after birth. For some, it took months after.

Don't fret. The bond will come with time. What you feel is normal. For now just concentrate on your own health and well being. The rest will come later

 

[wookie130]

I would seriously let yourself off the hook here. You're 24 weeks along, you've experienced challenges, and emotionally you're playing it safe...I get it!!! Although you don't feel bonded to the baby yet, I think this is common. It's also common for the baby to arrive, and for lots of moms to have difficulty feeling that immediate rush of love and connection... Honestly, just accept that you WILL eventually bond with baby, and there is nothing wrong with that bond being formed gradually, even well after the birth. It's all part of the personal journey that is motherhood - it's an experience that is unique to every woman, and there is no wrong way to feel!

 

[Symphony7]

I didn't even have any losses and I couldn't bond with my baby while pregnant because of the fear of loss. So l think it's probably very natural to have trouble bonding after losses. Also I had a rough pregnancy and felt awful so I had a hard time feeling all warm and fuzzy about anything.

I will say I felt immediate love when she came out. I had after csection and I remember the tears starting as soon as I heard her cry. I didn't think it would happen that way, I was afraid I wouldn't love her at all after the awful experience of pregnancy I had, but it did and it was like I had loved her and known her all along.

 

[wookie130]

Symphony, this was me too during both of my c-sections with my kids! As soon as I heard that little cry over the curtain, I lost it and fell to pieces. And once they placed those babies in my arms, I was utterly smitten both times!