How to deal with the guilt?

[sjohnson1131]

I had a miscarriage on the 26th. It's my first one, but second pregnancy (I have a son). I was pretty sure I was pregnant but hadn't worked up the bravery to test yet. I wasn't ready for another baby yet, my son is only 14 months. I didn't want to be pregnant, but I was already accepting that I was most likely going to have a baby, and I was kind of getting excited. My husband was going to pick up a test for me on the way home that day.

But then it happened, and I saw it. And now I feel like I wished it away. It knew it wasn't wanted and so it left. Realistically I know that isn't how it works, but still. I feel so guilty. And I know I'm still not ready for another child, but...I want it back. I feel bad that it didn't hurt more and I didn't bleed more, that it was so 'easy' physically. I feel like since my baby suffered, I should, too...that something more should mark the occasion.

Has anyone here dealt with a miscarriage after not completely wanting another baby? or after a physically 'easy' miscarriage? How do you get over the guilt?

Also...I'm considering naming the baby. Referring to the baby as 'it' in my head makes me really depressed. Would it be stupid to name the baby, since I was only about 5-6 weeks?

 

[Birmz85]

I'm sooo sorry for your loss!! But don't beat your self up over something we as women have no control over.
As much as our bodies can be an ark of love, it can also be an ark of pain and loss that we can't control!! But if by naming your baby, giving her a nickname as you would have as she grew,helps you then do it! its your baby and your coping mechanism that no one can tell you is right or wrong!!

I've seen posts where women have buried the baby with a seed to grow into a beautiful tree/plant! Do what your heart feels best!! xxx

 

[Left wonderin]

I'm not sure if it helps but at 5-6 weeks the baby would only have been the size of a poppy seed so very difficult to see with the naked eye . Maybe it was just some lining you saw . It doesn't make it any easier , please do not blame yourself . It wasn't anything you did or said or thought . It was just one of those things , those sad things without explanation. Be kind to yourself x

 

[bcos21]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. ❤

 

[roodles]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You are not alone. I have been struggling with similar issues (although didn't know I was pregnant until I started miscarrying). We have two young children and joked about how we'd never have a third. We weren't TTC. I feel awful for saying those things when I was unknowingly pregnant, and also feel tremendous guilt. My husband and I are both devastated, although it was an early loss for us too. We would have been nervous but thrilled to have another child. If it helps, we plan to name the baby, even if it is just for us. To me, the lost baby still my child, even if she was just the size of a poppy seed (I know this is not what LW was implying in her kind response). But I worry that others won't understand that, especially knowing that we weren't TTC. So I haven't told anyone. Sorry not to have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel, and to say that I am so very sorry x

 

[wrapunzel]

Im so sorry hun. I had a miscarriage at 7-8 weeks where I saw "it", I didn't know I was pregnant and the miscarriage was caused by a session of very violent . The guilt is unreal and I wasn't a mum yet and didn't wish the baby away so I can't imagine how you feel

Are you going to start TTC now? I didn't start to let go of the guilt from my mc until I had my daughter