How To Deal...

[LockandKey]

I am determined to have an unmedicated all natural birth this time. I am reading birthing books, watching movies, talking with other women who have had natural births, exercising every day, and taking classes to prepare myself, and the only thing I ever hear out of all this is how crazy I am, that I'm insane. Apparently people I know just get together, talk about me, and then all agree on the fact that I'm out of my mind. At first I could just ignore it, smile and say "This is my pregnancy and it's what I want to do," but after hearing it so many times over and over again, it becomes incredibly discouraging, and it's very hurtful just because I have chosen to birth differently than most people. What I really need right now is support, not negativity, I don't see why people can't understand that. I know that I can't keep people from talking, so how to I learn to deal with the insensitive words?

 

[fionar]

Punch them. Right in their faces.

Okay, kidding, that's not a very good solution.

I know what you mean - I have friends all around talking about how they WANT THE DRUGS RIGHT NOW and OH MY GOD THE EPIDURAL WAS SO AMAZING and all that nonsense. Thankfully they've not dismissed my birthing choices, but I can imagine how incredibly frustrating it must be to get nothing but negativity.

I don't know what to tell you in terms of responding to them beyond what you're already doing. Know that you've got support here!

 

[lynnikins]

id just turn to them and tell them , my baby , my body, my choice if you cant support me then please keep your opinions to yourself because I dont need unsuportive people in my life right now and turn and walk out

 

[solitaire89]

You are absolutely right - it is so discouraging, but please remember that you DO have support, right here. We might not be as close to you as your "friends" (though, which friends get together and talk about you behind your back?), but we are here for you. We will support you, we will help you, and we will be right there with you when you turn to them after your LOs birth, waving 2 fingers at them and saying "sod you lot that didn't believe in me"! And who knows, when you've done it, you may just find that they are a lot more interested if the time comes round for them again (at which point you tell them to begger off, and get back to their way if it's so good... No, maybe not).

 

[ljo1984]

I'd Remember these comments when in labour to spur you on and prove them all wrong, that's what I did lol.

 

[xsadiex]

What idiots, you're aiming to do the best for your body and baby! Maybe you should print them out all the cons of having a medicated hospital birth that will shut them up.

 

[LockandKey]

probably the worst experience of my entire life was DD's assisted birth that did use medications and a lot more intervention than I would have liked. Thanks for the support ladies I'm feeling better already. I usually have thicker skin, but pregnancy has left me with a few vulnerable days here and there, and I did confront the people saying such things, at least so I can bring it to their attention that I'm sensitive about it and don't appreciate the negativity.

 

[Guppy051708]

there were so many people that treated me like that. Almost every woman out there (you know how it is in the US with the intervention and high epi use, ppl just dont think its possible ) I just had to get to the point to tell ppl i have every intention on doing it and i no longer "Require" their "advice". And then i usually just didn't say much. Although throwing statistics at them was always a helpful way to get them to shut up. You cant argue with facts. BUT the thing that helped the most was actually AFTER the birth. Which sucks bc you wait so long for it, but once i had my intervention free birth (to most ppl that just means not getting the epi ) no one said anything to me. And when i got pregnant with DS2, no one had the nerve to say anything. They knew i proved them wrong. And proving them wrong was certainly NOT my motive for an unmedicated birth (not in the least although ppl seem to think thats the motive ) but it did mean they couldn't say crap to me about how i can't do it or how insane i am. PPl dont even question it now that im expecting my third.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

OMG I posted this exact same thread when I was pregnant. pretty much 90% of ppl around me were discouraging and said I would need the epi. Mind you, I wasn't even fully against drugs, I just wanted to really try without.

I did manage a fully natural birth. It's hard but doable and very much worth it. I didn't take any breathing classes and whatnot either. I just chose the best coach, my husband and trusted my body.

Good luck!

 

[LockandKey]

Oh hi Guppy :wave: nice to see you around again, I remember seeing you in WTT, you had a thread on considering 3 under 3 I believe that I commented on at one point, I think anyway, feels almost like a lifetime ago already . I read your blog about your home water births too, it was so lovely! Thank you for your words of wisdom, I will try to keep my head up more often from now on.

BTW, love your little honey bee EDD in your signature. Where did you get it? if you don't mind me asking

 

[LockandKey]

OMG I posted this exact same thread when I was pregnant. pretty much 90% of ppl around me were discouraging and said I would need the epi. Mind you, I wasn't even fully against drugs, I just wanted to really try without.

I did manage a fully natural birth. It's hard but doable and very much worth it. I didn't take any breathing classes and whatnot either. I just chose the best coach, my husband and trusted my body.

Good luck!

I will admit that I was worried that if I didn't attend classes and practice as much as I should then I may fail in my efforts, but with a toddler and having to put a lot of money into our new house, we really don't have the extra money or time for classes right now. So thank you for your encouraging post

 

[fionar]

OMG I posted this exact same thread when I was pregnant. pretty much 90% of ppl around me were discouraging and said I would need the epi. Mind you, I wasn't even fully against drugs, I just wanted to really try without.

I did manage a fully natural birth. It's hard but doable and very much worth it. I didn't take any breathing classes and whatnot either. I just chose the best coach, my husband and trusted my body.

Good luck!

I will admit that I was worried that if I didn't attend classes and practice as much as I should then I may fail in my efforts, but with a toddler and having to put a lot of money into our new house, we really don't have the extra money or time for classes right now. So thank you for your encouraging post

Just to toss it out there for you, I didn't go to any classes when I was pregnant with my son (my first baby), either. Mostly I read a book or two, asked questions of supportive people (my mom) and other women who'd done it, asked my midwife a lot of questions, and went along with it when labor came. Kinda rolled with the punches and I had a super fast and easy time of it. Not, like, fun to the point where I'd want to do it every day, but nowhere near the torture all the epi-lovers would want you to believe.

You can do it, mama!

 

[NaturalMomma]

Ignore them, or just be super blunt and tell them to back off and keep their negativity to theirselves, they aren't doing you any favors by being that way.

Try to find some natural birth blogs to read other women's stories. It can be comforting. Bring Birth Home has a lot of birth stories.

 

[HelsBels07]

Its the same with my friends. The first mention I made of going as natural as possible and not having an epidural I was met with faces of 'is she mad?' coupled with a couple of people saying 'ha famous last words!'. I am the last of my friends to have a baby and all of them ended up with epis and then assisted deliveries, because of this I get a feeling that they are all thinking 'she hasn't done it yet - just wait and see!'. I have done my research and believe that I can do this - after all our bodies are designed for birthing babies!

My so called best friend can't say anything positive about my choices, and has said that once you get to the hospital you basically have to do whatever the midwives tell you. I actually would have liked a home birth and regret not sorting one out, another friend mentioned to my friend that someone she knew was having a home birth - her reaction was 'why on earth would she want to do that' along with a face of disgust! I now don't talk to my friends about my birth choices - its just not worth it if they have nothing positive to say.

Instead I have done my research on the internet and read some books. This site is great and I feel that reading the stories and positivity on here has given me more determination to do it.

Good luck hun!

 

[Jess137]

I'm planning on a natural birth using Natal Hypnotherapy, and people look at me like I have two heads when I mention it. I think it's partly the culture in America, birth is so medicalized here compared to other parts of the world. The hospital I'll be giving birth at has a 90% epidural rate! Everyone just assumes that it can't be done without drugs. I just smile and nod when people tell me I'm stupid or crazy or will be begging for meds. I'm learning that it doesn't matter what others think of how I want to do things.

 

[LockandKey]

I'm planning on a natural birth using Natal Hypnotherapy, and people look at me like I have two heads when I mention it. I think it's partly the culture in America, birth is so medicalized here compared to other parts of the world. The hospital I'll be giving birth at has a 90% epidural rate! Everyone just assumes that it can't be done without drugs. I just smile and nod when people tell me I'm stupid or crazy or will be begging for meds. I'm learning that it doesn't matter what others think of how I want to do things.

yes, it certainly doesn't help that a lot of people in the US are so ill educated about birth, and the use of drugs has become more natural and expected than an all natural, unmedicated birth. Plus a lot of the doctors here are just ridiculous, the OB I had with my first started bringing up the topic of "induction" while I was in my 39th week, and that I was "overdue" at 40 weeks and 1 day