How to elope/small wedding

[BabiesOneDay]

Alright ladies... the same dilemma that many have had I'm sure... I don't really want a wedding. I think being that SO is already pushing 34, more focused on his career, and we want kids, I can likely sway him to not want one too. He used to, but that was when he was younger and more "I want a party" minded, whereas now he's all "husband and wife minded" (showing him what weddings cost helped veer him away from the idea too lol).

Our unique situation (or maybe not). My immediate family is no more than Dad, Mom and Stepdad, Sister and BIL and their two kids. Then there's us and our two kids (mine from previous marriage). He has no relationship with his mother. His father is broke, and an off-the-wagon alcoholic. He can't be trusted in areas where there are alcohol or other people are drinking (can you picture the possible mishaps at a wedding?). His was raised a lot by varying family members, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and the like who all pitched in to make sure he didn't fall between the cracks. That family is massive. There would be no inviting his aunts/uncles without offending their kids, SO's cousins, who were more like siblings to him growing up. That being said, there'd also be no inviting the cousins without them wanting to bring their truckload of kids varying in age from toddler to teenager. Suddenly, the guest list gets huge! Forget friends! There's no room!

I still have grad school to get through. He's about to take the bar exam and career direction is totally up in the air. It's possible he could open his own practice too and that takes time and money. There's no extra dough floating around so to speak.

Sooo, if we were to run off somewhere, I feel like we would want the kids present. That being said, we wouldn't "after the wedding". I know my family have the means and money to travel somewhere to be there for our wedding, and figured my parents could easily take the kids home with them and give us a bit of a honeymoon wherever we were. His family isn't as well off though. His grandparents are in their 80's and I think he'd want them there. One grandpa could travel alone, but not the other. His Dad, again, ugh...

A big wedding just isn't in the works for us. On that note, a small one local to everyone isn't impossible, it's just something I absolutely do not want. SO is struggling with his own drinking problems, which his family and friends are unaware of. He's spent many years in the company of a slew of drunks he knew as friends. We want a grown up marriage ceremony that actually means something... not a party for a bunch of alcoholics. Ugh...


Advice? Suggestions? Don't want to step on anyone's toes.

 

[Felix26]

Hello there, I just came across your post and surpried that nobody else has replied in a month!! Tut!!

Anyway a small wedding is just what I want, small being 30 people in total including me and oh. I've already cut that down from 60!!!! It basically includes my parents, 3 siblings, oh's parents and their partners (they split up when he was young) and 3 of his siblings, 6 grandparents, 4 aunties and uncles, 3 friends - I think. No extended cousins, and nobody who we don't see or talk to on a regular basis and is involved in our lives. The big factor for us is cost, I just can't justify spending alot of money on one day!! I've thought about registry office and a simle meal in a hotel afterwards/or a village hall if you want more of a party feel with disco etc. I also considered eloping to Paris - this was costly but looked and felt amazing! just us 2. No guests. However the marriage isn't legal there, its just a symbolic ceremony (unless u live in France for 30 days I think before the wedding) - not suitable for us, so not an option, we'd have had to have the official ceremony here anyway so I thought whats the point.. And I was seriously gutted as I loved this idea. Packages include hotel, dinner, chauffeur driven tour around Paris to all the romantic spots etc. Perfect!!

so back to your question, like me its the ceremony and celebration (not party) thats important. my current plan is a registry office/hotel wedding and a private dining room with 3 course meal, small cake and coffee afterwards. No entertainment just conversation and good company. A wedding doesn't have to be huge or extravagant, just a way of celebrating your marriage in a way that suits you!!! Good luck. And keep me updated on your plans xx