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How to get over this...

Braveheart86

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I'm 31 weeks pregnant with my first child.
At around 24 weks my boyfriend just literally went cold on me, one day he was at mine sorting out the shed for me claiming when I thanked him "anything for you" to then literally not speaking to me for the next week....
Then the day before my birthday he txt and said we needed to talk and he'd take me out for lunch. I was understanably nervous about what was coming - at lunch he didn't really say anything until it came to my birthday the next day when he suggested we went out for dinner... I replied with "it kind of depends on what this chat is going to be about, if you're about to break my heart and finish things between us then no I'm pretty sure dinner isn't a good idea" he took my hand & told me it wasn't like that. So next day he came over with some lovely presents and everything seemed ok. When he left he said he may be going away with work on the thurs, we had a baby heart scan at addenbrooks the tuesday after he may of had to go away so I asked him to let me know either way if he was going away or not - he said he would yet it got to the day before the scan and I didn't know where he was - I txt him & just said I didn't know if he was in the country or even planning on coming to the scan. He replied 20 mins later saying he was in the country but couldn't make scan. I asked if he had planned on telling me or if he was just hoping if he ignored me for long enough I'd go away... he said of course not he had only just found out he couldn't make it...convinient timing!
He then continued to just not talk to me for the next few weeks. Then he txt me and asked when I'd be home for him to come and put the cot up, we arranged a day in the week and he came over. Was pretty obvious things were over between us but we managed to get on and I felt quite positive that we could be ok and get through this life changing event together. He hadn't been the most reliable he last few weeks though so as he left I asked him if he def wanted to be at the birth - he said yes as long as I was ok with that. I then told him that living alone I was really nervous about bringing a baby home for the first time and a couple of our mutual friends had offered to take holiday one after the other just so someone would be here with me - did I need to take them up on the offer or would he be staying? He told me he would be here. I then asked if he had def told his parents. Yes he had he said - good job I thought since he told me at 12 weeks they knew. So like I've said I went to bed feeling better than I had in weeks.
Next morning while I was at work I checked my phone, he had txt me. Txt me to let me know before I found out from someone else that he had decided to start seeing someone else. I literally felt like my heart was breaking into a 100 pieces. I asked if she knew he had a baby on the way & she does. I asked when he met her - on a night out with a sports team he plays for then night after he'd fixed my shed and told me "anything for me" I mean a new gf?? I just don't get it, especially when he tells me it doesn't change anything about what he said about being at the birth and being there after how is he going to juggle a new relationship and a new baby?? someone is going to be neglected and I can't help but assume its not going to be the new gf....
After the initial shock had kind of worn off I made the decision to go and see his parents when I knew he was away wih work, just to let them know that altho he has a new gf I want them to know they can be as involved with baby as they like... of course his mum looked at me like I was nuts because he hadn't actually told them I was pregnant - fabulous! I was so upset and angry at him, he'd been lying to me for weeks! He was out the country and his parents said they'd be in touch when he was bak. He claimed he lied because telling them was difficult & he was scared - its not like we are 16 year olds!
I've since ben over for a meeting with all of them, his dad doesnt understand how I let this happen - its so easy for a woman now a days contraception wise. His parnts have also done a lot of research into rights he has & when baby is here want me to sign some form of contract. Going to wait until I've read that before I make a decision as to whether I sign it or not.
What annoys me though is when we are together we get on fine. Just like friends which I know in my sensible part of my person that its a good thing but then I find myself resenting the fact he has a new gf and is happy when some nights I'm just sat here missing him, it came out of nowhere its not even like I'd felt like we were a bit funny for a while everything seemed fine then like I said at 28weeks he turned my life upside down. He told me the new gf told him he could have time if he needed it but he said it was ok, did he not think maybe I'd need some time? Maybe now wasn't a fab idea to be starting something new when our lives are about to have the biggest upturn I guess any adult faces?? I don't know how to get over the fact he has someone new. Esp since its not like I'm in the postition to start thinking about anybody new. I know in a few weeks I'll have such a big distraction in my life its just the fact right now not a day goes by where I don't find myself just feeling lonely & let down
 
He sounds like a coward. Let him have his life you don't need him. I would talk to your fab friends who have offered to help you out - I'm sure they will be there for you especially with how your situation has changed.

I would personally not let him be at the birth though and for goodness sake DO NOT SIGN ANY CONTRACT. What kind of ludicrous idiots are his parents.

Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy and your future with baby.

You are stronger than you realise.
 
Yes I'm also going to advise you sign no contract that binds you to this guy, how ridiculous to even suggest something like that :/:Sorry this has happened to you. Your friends sound wonderful and it seems you'll have lots of outside support so that is a great thing.
 
SIGN NOTHING. And don't allow him at the birth. Do you really want him to be present during the most magical time of your life? But also the most scary, vulnerabe ans undignified time too. I just wouldn't (and didn't) allow.it xx
 
First of all. I am very sorry that at such a vulnerable time in your life, your man chose to not only leave you but leave you for someone else, how cowardly, cruel and hurtful of him. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel. My FOB just left me when I was pregnant but (as far as I am aware) not for someone else, I don't think I would have coped as well as you nor behave as well as you have if it was me. So you are very brave and strong. What a lucky baby yours will be to have a Mother like you.

I am sure the ladies on here will probably agree with me but this sorry excuse for a man needs to be kicked to the kerb and out of your life for good. I'm sorry but it is one thing to leave your pregnant girlfriend but to go off shagging someone else is the lowest thing to do to her when she is having your baby.

Sign nothing from his parents, agree to nothing. He has chosen to opt out, not you, let him run rings around trying to see his child etc. He has also waivered his right to be at the birth too. Seriously, I highly recommend that you don't have him there. It will upset you and just think what a painful experience it will be for you when he holds your baby after all that emotion you are going through and you look at him realising he is then going to go home that night to another woman's bed. Sorry, but that is the reality of what this man has done and don't let him spoil that magical moment of birth and afterwards for you sweetie, you don't deserve that. Let him come see his child a few days after.

Sending hugs. xxx this post makes me mad with men.

I just don't know why some of these cowardly men can't just put a flag on it and remain amicable friends with the Mother and help her right though her pregnancy and birth? No, instead, they stick a knife in her heart and then twist it deeper by actually going off with someone else? like...can you not wait 9 months and not jeopardise the health of the mother and unborn child please?
 

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