How to handle a delicate situation; help, please :)

[Lizzy444]

My sister and her husband TTC for about a year before getting pregnant with their first. They then miscarried around 7 weeks, and that was almost exactly one year ago.

They now have a child. She knows we've been struggling with infertility and at the beginning was thoughtful and sensitive. However, it's been months since she's even asked how I'm doing. I feel like she forgot what it felt like to TTC...like she is ignoring my pain...like she doesn't care.

But that's all beside the point. In 2 days, it will have been one year since her miscarriage. And, while she is completely ignoring me, I'm not sure I want to do the same. I want her to know that I remember. That even if she doesn't show her care for me, I care about her.

So, what do I do? I've never had this situation...have not miscarried myself. Is it bad to say something like, "Praying for you today" or something else? She of course remembers the date of the miscarriage, right? Should I be quiet? Should I say something?

Please, help. I want to do the right thing but don't know what that is!

 

[Amber3]

Hi there
I actually don't think that you should say something. I has miscarriages myself and I don't remember the dates but I tried to figure out about how old they would be by now, the children and those dates are in my calendar. I think every person is different and if she has a child now maybe she really is trying to forget about the long struggle with ttc. On the other hand maybe she thinks it i difficult to talk to you about your infertility and expects or wants you to bring it up yourself. ... Who knows
I wish you all the best
Amber

 

[parisa]

no, u should nor mention anything, unless she does.
and the reason why she is probably not asking about how ur doing is becuz she figures that if u were doing good, then u would be telling her that ur pregnant, so she does not want to upset u. She does not want to make u think about ur prob, that is all.
she loves u, I am sure!

 

[Tracy80]

Ahh this made me get tears in my eyes (I'm very soft). I would maybe ask your sister for lunch and just let her know you care by saying you're so glad that things worked out for her. If she does remember the date then she will know that you are doing this on that day to show that you care.

I'm sure your sister is upset for you also and is probably frightened of asking you how you are doing as she may think that you will think she's rubbing it in that she has a child.

Don't be afraid of telling your sister how much you are hurting at being unable to conceive and at the same time let her know that you are so grateful to be an Auntie. I think it will do you both good to disucss it.

Please keep your chin up (I know its hard). I have one daughter (nearly 4) but have been trying for baby number 2 since her birth and have today been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries so am hoping that now I can get things moving and hopefully will manage to get pregnant soon. If you haven't seen a doctor about being unable to conceive then please do as its made me feel a whole load better knowing something is being done.

Big hugs to you xx

 

[Dazed]

I wouldn't say anything either and I wouldn't hint to anything. Having been through a mc, I can say I constantly have little reminders going off in my head. The above post has a good idea, just remember no to hint to the reason that you are there.

 

[Lizzy444]

Thank you all for your suggestion to keep quiet. I will do just that! I appreciate you helping me know what the best thing to do is.