How to handle this with the school?

[DCS]

I apologise if this is long and scattered, I could realy do with some help on how to deal with this, and how to explain what will be a rambled mess in a grown up, well organised Way.

DS ( 5.5 year one at school) has been going to an after school club on a Tuesday. Today would have been his 3rd week. From what I understand, the teacher who runs the club gathers the kids for the club at the end of the day and keeps them to one side. Club finishes at 4. I am usualy at school for about 3.55 to pick him up.
Today, I get a call from DS' friends mum. She just wanted to check that ds wasn't going to the club, puzzled I asked if the club wasn't on today and she said it was but ds was in the queue waiting to be picked up because he said he wasn't going. She pops me on the phone to him and ds is in tears because he doesn't feel well. So I tell him to stay there and I will collect him. He then passes the phone to his classroom assistant. I explain he should be going to his club but doesn't feel well so I would be there in 15 minutes to collect him and ask where I should collect him from. She says " that's fine. I understand" and hangs up. Obviously she hasn't understood because she didn't answer my question. Luckily my mum was round so I left dd with her and ran to school. On the way i rang the reception to ask where I should pick him up from and had to explain the situation a couple times before she put me in hold to check the club room to see if he was in there. By this point I was outside the school and decided to walk round to the area she mentioned any children who hadn't been picked up would be. I get to the late pick up room, still on hold with the receptionist, and ask if they have ds. After a couple seconds of umming and ahhhing they said they did. I explained I wasn't being rude, I was on hold with the school receptionist and didn't want to hang up without telling them I had found ds. DS comes out and they start talking about a possible " late collection charge" I explained, I wasn't late, he should have been in his club and they decided I " probably wouldn't be charged" . I asked ds what had happened and he said he had told his teachers lots of times he had a tummy ache, all day, so bad he couldn't eat much of his lunch. He kept telling them. Apparently then his teacher told him to wait to one side so he wouldn't cough on someone. Slightly baffled we I decided to walk round to reception and just check what I should be doing. DS is poorly atm ( his tonsils are permanently enlarged, which makes his cough alot, he also struggles to eat, which gives him a tummy ache, he also suffers with excess acid, which gives him a tummy ache. School is aware of all of this or atleast should be because I informed them last year. ) I wanted to know if If I should come to pick him up at usual time, and judge if he is ok or if the school should be ringing me to let me know he doesn't feel great. After explaining what had happened to the two receptionist they seemed confused as to why noone had called me and why he wasn't just taken to his club to wait. One suggested I speak to the deputy head. He wasn't available so I have an appointment tomorrow.

So my issue is that, how was ds missed when they came to collect the kids for the club? If his friend's mum hadn't spotted him, I would have just rocked up at 4pm, and he wouldn't have been with the club kids. He was waiting in a queue to be collected, he thought because he had told his teacher he was unwell, i was coming to get him. When i didnt turn up he got upset thinking i had forgotten about him. If ds had mentioned he wasnt feeling very well to his teacher, why didn't someone just ring me? I explained to his teacher just last week that if he ever isn't feeling well she should give me a call and I can be with them in 20 minutes max.

I'm not sure if this is a slight over reaction on my part. DS was upset, I was freaking out, for a few minutes I had no clue as to where my kid was. I wasn't even going to speak to the deputy head, until it was suggested. But now I have no idea what I should say. I don't want to get anyone into trouble, but I don't think it's another mums job to call me so I know my kid isn't feeling well enough to go to his club. I'm just not sure what to do, Or what to say.
Any advice or opinions welcome. Please feel free to tell me I'm over reacting if you think I am.

I should add, the reason he is at school while poorly is because his tonsils are huge from September till June. The dr won't refer us to the ent for another few months because he wants ds to be atleast 6 before he has them out. If I was to keep him off, he would be off most of the school year. The eating thing and tummy aches all stem from the tonsils. I have no choice but to send him in, or keep him off if he has a fever.

I'm sorry for the length of this. Cake for anyone who got this far.

 

[pa2k84]

I would deff not be happy about this. It all seems very strange why no one seemed to know what was going on. I have had things like this happen with school such as bringing my son in not 100% (as they tell you to) and letting people know I will come collect if not right only to have him come out crying at the end of the day and teacher telling me he has not been right - then why the hell was I not phoned? Also being dripped off to an after school club (on school grounds) when he was meant to be at a school club, no one knew where he was for a while.
Personally I would speak to the head but just so they know you were not happy with the situation and re go over all the issues so hopefully nothing like this happens again.
I hate it but do feel at times that school only care about numbers/attendance and exam results, wish I could afford to home school

 

[suzib76]

You are right it's not another mums job to call yoy but perhaps she was just being a bit premature? Assuming the kids in the line to be picked up were with a staff member then said staff member would have noticed no one to collect your DS and called you or checked the sheet to find out if he was going to club or not. So minor error there which I am guessing would have been picked up on, maybe it already was but the other parent was quicker to phone you.

The not feeling well is a completely separate issue and yes if your child complained of being unwell during the school day then you should have been called.

I'm not sure I would meet with the deputy head over it though, that seems a bit like an ov reaction from school

 

[Rainbow82]

Not n overreaction t all I would have expected something to be triggered by the after school club if he wasn't there when he should have been and they would have been able to tell he was in school from the registers. They would have had no idea where he was and for all they know he could have been hiding somewhere in toilets etc. They would have had to take a register within the first ten minutes. It's a safeguarding issue and him not being there should have triggered a call to you regardless of what he said to the lady collecting them. That person should have spoken to his teacher to conform you were coming for him. His class teacher should also have known you weren't coming and questioned why he was on the line to be picked up. I would be pretty mad if it was my DS and would want to know what they were going to put in place to ensure it doesn't happen again.

 

[cupcake23]

Not an overreaction as your child shouldn’t have been in the pickup line in the first place.

I would be upset that I wasn’t called informing me that my child was feeling unwell, that another parent spotted my child and called me instead of the school and that the after school teacher didn’t confirm with myself that my child wasn’t attending that session.

It is a safeguarding issue and the cheek to say they might charge you a 'late fee'


I hope you appointment goes well.

Also....Could you get a second opinion on your childs tonsils? Your doctor might not be happy to refer you but seeing as this is affecting your child on a daily basis I really think it should be up to an ENT specialist to decide when he should get them removed? or at least have a plan already in place for when he turns 6 x

 

[MindUtopia]

I think you definitely have a reason to be upset and I would definitely speak to the deputy head. I think the PP's suggestion to approach it as a safeguarding issue is a good idea. I would just say that he has these health issues (they know, but it emphasises the point of why you need to know the protocols) and that there may be many times in the next few months when he is unwell and might need to be collected. I would just ask the deputy head to clarify what the protocol is for when a child is unwell and needs to have a parent called to collect him. Is that the teacher's job? Is it the after school club leader's job? Who is in charge of making sure that happens and making sure a child is then in a safe place to wait for the parent to arrive and that someone is checking on their welfare? You're right it's not another parent's job to phone you. And actually how scary is it that another parent (or just a stranger, who is to say anyone couldn't walk onto school grounds like that?) could approach your child, interact with them, get them on the phone to someone, etc. without anyone stepping in to ask what they're doing? There should be a process for how this situation is handled and it sounds like maybe everyone thought someone else was doing it so they didn't intervene, but actually there needs to be someone who is the sole person in charge in a situation like this. I would want to know who that is and I would want to know how they will handle the same situation next time. It's not about getting anyone in trouble. It's just about making sure you're all clear who's job it is to handle these things and that your kid will be safe when it happens again.

 

[.Mrs.B.]

Agree with PP, it needs addressing. If the after school club didn't realise he was missing then that could be a lost child in future. Sounds like they have a lot to improve on.

 

[zorak]

I think you definitely have a reason to be upset and I would definitely speak to the deputy head. I think the PP's suggestion to approach it as a safeguarding issue is a good idea. I would just say that he has these health issues (they know, but it emphasises the point of why you need to know the protocols) and that there may be many times in the next few months when he is unwell and might need to be collected. I would just ask the deputy head to clarify what the protocol is for when a child is unwell and needs to have a parent called to collect him. Is that the teacher's job? Is it the after school club leader's job? Who is in charge of making sure that happens and making sure a child is then in a safe place to wait for the parent to arrive and that someone is checking on their welfare? You're right it's not another parent's job to phone you. And actually how scary is it that another parent (or just a stranger, who is to say anyone couldn't walk onto school grounds like that?) could approach your child, interact with them, get them on the phone to someone, etc. without anyone stepping in to ask what they're doing? There should be a process for how this situation is handled and it sounds like maybe everyone thought someone else was doing it so they didn't intervene, but actually there needs to be someone who is the sole person in charge in a situation like this. I would want to know who that is and I would want to know how they will handle the same situation next time. It's not about getting anyone in trouble. It's just about making sure you're all clear who's job it is to handle these things and that your kid will be safe when it happens again.

I'm a teacher and I agree with all of this.

 

[DCS]

I wrote out a huge long reply to this yesterday but then deleted it by mistake.
Basically, saw the deputy, he listened to me explain, but didn't note down any names or any information so hoping he has a great memory.
He plans to speak to DS teacher to make her aware of his health stuff, and wants ds' new teacher to sit down with old teacher to explain ds' " behaviour". DS sometimes says he is tired or poorly when he is feeling sad or nervous. New teacher seems to have cracked this and has explained it's often just a nervous feeling in his tummy than a poorly tummy. Ds' old teacher was fab, she clicked on very quickly to his ways and seemed to have ways to manage them.
He was mostly confused as to why he was missed when club kids where being collected, and how he ended up in the pick up area of the playground rather than the club area.
He assured me he would speak to all involved and figure out what happened and would find me at the end of the day or send a message with ds. Neither of which happened. I plan to give him till pick up today, then will find him myself and have a word.
Generally, he seemed kind of rubbish. He was 15 minutes late, despite arriving into the office about 5 minutes before our appointment. He came out led us to a room, sat down and didn't realy know what was going on. He didn't introduce himself or greet us in the way you would usualy expect.
Saw the mum after the appointment and she said when she went to pick up her ds2, her ds1 said he didn't want to go to the club if my DS wasn't going. He told his mum ds was waiting to be collected because he was poorly. After a scan of the play ground she didn't see us so decided to ring me to double check.

So that's what happened. I was quite disappointed, but maybe he was quiet because I was giving him a lot of information. I will give him a chance to deal with it.

MindUtopia, you make a very good point about people being able to interact with the kids without anyone saying anything. I wish I would have seen that before I went to see the deputy. The school seem so badly organised. E.g we went to a curriculum meeting on the 12th. They said a letter containing all the information would be sent out, it hasn't been yet. When the clubs started, we didn't actually receive a date as to when it would start. I only found out before I asked a teacher and the same mum txt me to let me know. Other stuff like letters being handed out the day before they are due in when dated 2 weeks previous, reading books not swapped they said they should be. It's kind of disappointing. I realy liked the security aspect of the school and it gave me a great feeling, despite the horrible experience I had there.

 

[DCS]

Can anyone advise what i should do next. When I dropped ds off this morning, I had a word with his teacher. Just to make her aware, he had a rough night so was slightly more emotional today. She mentioned that she would call me any time she felt he wasn't well enough to be there. She also mentioned the issue with the club and said ds spoke to a different teacher to let her know he didn't want to go. Had he have told her, she would have contacted me, or tried to persuade him to go.
I waited around for the deputy head, who saw us, and walked towards the school building so we went round the front to get him in the office. In the 5 minutes it took us to go round he " was in a meeting". It was only when the receptionist went to speak to him she realised he was in a meeting. Apparently he will be calling me but not sure as to when. I realy just want to know, that if for whatever reason ds teacher isn't in, it will be handled the same way, that all the teachers and class assistants are on the same page with how a child not wanting to go to a club should be handled. I just need reassurance. Now should I let this go or give him a few days to contact me. Or should I ask to see the head? I don't realy feel comfortable leaving it to the teachers to organise ds, I could go to school on club day, and make sure he heads to club ok then go back and get him. Only problem is, I would need to hang around for 30 minutes because it takes 15 minutes to walk to school then 15 minutes back. With dd it just isn't doable. I'm realy annoyed because he said he would get back to me weds after school and it's Friday now and I haven't heard from him. Despite him being in the play ground during every pick up and drop off since.
Would you let this go or would you insist on speaking to someone?

 

[.Mrs.B.]

I would probably send an email, it's less personal but it helps for having your concerns in writing and in order. Then if he replies in person or by phone I would follow up in the email chain by saying something like "thank you for phoning me today to discuss..".
It sounds completely unorganised there and you don't want it to be at the childrens expense.

 

[DCS]

Thanks. He actually just called me. He told me everything I already know. Be causally the stuff ds' teacher told me earlier. He assured me it wouldn't happen again. I don't think iv handled this as well as I should have.

 

[MindUtopia]

I would give it a day or so (I mean, he should have responded to you when he said he would, but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt) and then if you've heard nothing I would go directly to the head. Safeguarding is such a huge thing and they should know where all their kids are at all times and have procedures for dealing with these things. It sounds like there might be a bit of a leadership issue going on here. Whatever the outcome, like if deputy head talks to you or you have to go over him to the headteacher, I would follow up with a letter or email to them both and your DS's teacher too just so she knows what you've said to them, and reiterate your concerns and what your understanding is of how they will address it if it happens again, and just basically put that in writing so they know you know what they need to do and it's in on the record that you know what their obligations are. It puts a little more pressure on them and creates a paper trail in case it happens again. I don't know, I just think people spring to attention a bit more when they know there is an official file on something and they know someone is watching them! Hope you get it sorted. It sounds like a frustrating situation all around.