How to keep men motivated...

[Sus09]

I am having trouble with my OH keep him motivated in the TTC journey

Since we have stopped NTNP and we are trying with charts and all that my OH is getting Performance Anxiety when I Ovulate...
This results in missing my most fertile times...

Any tricks and tips to get men relaxed? Any natural suplement they can take to get going?

I am trying to prepare for my next cycle and I have been evaluating what has gone wrong in the last few months.

 

[googly]

Hey Sus, my OH told me upfront/at the start that he'd really rather not know when I was ovulating - because of potential performance anxiety or it just generally being distracting. Part of me thought 'alright for you matey, what about me!' - but - I guess they're the ones that really have to 'deliver the goods' at that point... On top of that, I wanted to try and keep from sex being 'scheduled' as much as possible, because we have some good friends who have had a really hard time of it because of that. So, yes, I resolved to never tell him when the crucial time was - unless I *really* have to (ie we haven't done it for a couple of days and I'm sure today is the day). It does make it more stressful forme, for sure, because when it comes to it I don't know whether he's going to be in the mood/have enough energy/feel well etc, but I have managed it - just - every cycle so far. Of course the first cycle we 'miss' the day that may well change! But for now - I think this works better for us.

 

[Sus09]

I did try to do that, not to tell him when I was ovulating, but as you say then I can´t make sure he is in the mood. I am trying to to schedule sex either but I have been TTC for months, first not worrying about it and see if it happened and now just trying... and we always seem to miss ovulation! this month was not too bad, but we are getting good at missing the egg!!

Thanks googly for sharing what you do, it helps! I am coming to the conclusion that the one that needs to relax first is me! I am too stressed thinking that it is never going to happen!

 

[googly]

Yeah that sucks eh... This way *does* give me real high anxiety around ov, I have to admit. Last cycle we were both sick at the crucial moment - I actually thought we had covered it a few days earlier x2-3, but then a late ov surprised me. Anyway, I ended up telling him that if we wanted to be 'in' for this month we really needed to do it... He was fine with that at that point. After we had a conversation about what we should do going forward and I said what about just committing to try to do it every other day - but he reeeeally didn't like that idea unfort. Didn't like the regimented-'ness' of it... So we agreed to keep it like it is - I'll tell him if we're in danger of missing the day.

I still feel like he has it easy - but I don't resent that because it's me that is trying to force the timescale, he would prefer to NTNP and let things happen 'when they want to happen'. He's a big believer in fate, destiny etc all that... Me - too impatient for that!

 

[LancyLass]

I said what about just committing to try to do it every other day - but he reeeeally didn't like that idea unfort. Didn't like the regimented-'ness' of it...

Oh, I was just going to suggest that. One thing that has amazed me recently is, when talking to friends who've also been TTC, they said they don't bother with any of the charting etc. They just do the 2 to 3 times a week, every week approach. So they don't really know when the "right time" is either, let alone their OHs.

Maybe you could see if OH would prefer that approach? I guess it'd be difficult though if you DO know it's the right time but you have to pretend you don't.

 

[crystal443]

If you know around when you'll O then BD very little from AF until a few days before O. My DH will try to do his own scheduling when I get AF but if I just let him go crazy before O then of course when O comes he's had his fun I now hold back as much as I can before O and when O time comes he's chomping at the bit We also keep a pretty regular pattern after O up to AF and then he doesn't feel like he's being used for O only.

 

[googly]

If you know around when you'll O then BD very little from AF until a few days before O. My DH will try to do his own scheduling when I get AF but if I just let him go crazy before O then of course when O comes he's had his fun I now hold back as much as I can before O and when O time comes he's chomping at the bit We also keep a pretty regular pattern after O up to AF and then he doesn't feel like he's being used for O only.

That sounds pretty good yeah, that's more likely work...

 

[crystal443]

The biggest chore in TTC is DH I think,lol

 

[babz4me]

oh my I am so in the same boat..In fact I am putting my guy on libido enhancements just to get im up at ahem a bit more. Since He starts to lose interest and leaves me to maintain orgasm on my own during that time.

 

[Sus09]

I will need some of those libido enhancements for my OH soon otherwise at this rate I will get pregnant from the postman

 

[Conina]

I just don't tell him, although the silky nightie that comes out every few weeks may give him a hint!!

 

[SuperAwesome]

Ladies, I have found the perfect solution. No man will be able to resist. It's a bit of a game, really, called...

...GUESS WHERE I'VE HIDDEN THE REMOTE. Tell him if he can find it with his penis, he can have it back!

I'm a genius, I know.

Actually, on a serious note, I really wish we had the luxury of just bonking whenever and--oops!--having happy (wanted) accidents. All this planning and plotting is pretty stressful, and I really think that makes us less likely to conceive, sometimes.

Feh. But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. Mostly I'm just sitting here procrastinating.

 

[Sus09]

SuperAwsome that was great! I will have to hide the remote! That should work with him!

You know girls, i think i am more stressed than him. I wont tell him i chart from now on, and use other techniques to get him going without him feeling its scheduled sex... how do i destress myself though? I think i am my worst enemy at the moment.

 

[alison29]

I try to do the twice a week every week or dh definitley feels used and we would do it so little dh gets really pissy if it is any less then that it's worth the fifteen minutes!

 

[Jodes2011]

Ladies, I have found the perfect solution. No man will be able to resist. It's a bit of a game, really, called...

...GUESS WHERE I'VE HIDDEN THE REMOTE. Tell him if he can find it with his penis, he can have it back!

I'm a genius, I know.

Actually, on a serious note, I really wish we had the luxury of just bonking whenever and--oops!--having happy (wanted) accidents. All this planning and plotting is pretty stressful, and I really think that makes us less likely to conceive, sometimes.

Feh. But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. Mostly I'm just sitting here procrastinating.

you certainly are a genius x

 

[Natsby]

I understand completely what you mean, my OH is the same. I have to tell him when the good time is because otherwise we miss it alltogether, but then he feels pressured and used and we argue and miss it anyway. It sucks...and so would I if I thought it might get him in the mood.(sorry too rude??)
He now knows there are certain moments he really does have to put out but I feel like it affect how he sees me, I am less alluring now than before ttc when it was just for fun. If you find an answer let me in on it too and good luck.

 

[futurephotos]

Last month DH had performance anxiety at the time of O. I'm hoping it won't happen this time.... there really isn't anything physical I can do to help the process along because it is very mental for him. At least even when I'm not really in the mood I can still have sex. I'm trying not to pressure him. He knows that we should do it this upcoming Fri-Mon. I'm stressed because I don't know what will happen yet- if we'll be able to do it enough to even have a chance. I just don't want to be turned down. We need to do it! I have a really hard time relaxing until O is over, but then of course it's the tww stress of not knowing if it worked or not. I don't temp, I don't use OPKs etc. I calculate by days and CM. Sometimes I even feel when I O. I'm not too worried about missing it ... as long as I can get DH to get the spermies in there!

 

[Maudine]

I'm definitely in the same boat as you ladies. We try to BD EOD the week before O, but since I don't always know when I O (start temping next month) it's kind of hit or miss and often OH gets too overwhelmed to complete the task...so to speak. It has made me sympathetic, as it is a lot of pressure on him. I think you girls are on the right track as far as maybe telling him less. I think the less he knows about everything the more relaxed he'll be. I'm already stressed, I don't need to make him stressed, too!

 

[Indigo77]

I put on some Coco and take my clothes off.

I did it the other night.

We were having dinner at the table and I told him I was hot and took off my shirt and threw it at him.

He gets hard in a matter of seconds.

 

[googly]

Phheeeeew, is it hot in here?!?!



Nice moves Indigo, I might have to give that a go