How to stop freaking out about the potential risk of a miscarriage?!

[Khearts]

I'm going to be a ftm and all the years I tried to get pregnant I thought I would be the happiest person in the world right from the start. That has definitely proved me so very wrong, I have been in full panic mode since day one. At first I was so excited but then the reality hit me of the risks of losing him or her.

I'm almost 9 weeks, saw the heartbeat at 7w 5d (avg of 144) which was a huge sigh of relief. But now in between appointments, I'm just terrified I'll see blood when I wipe, or my symptoms will magically stop.. I don't know how to handle this!

I still have some cramps on and off, very minor ones. Absolutely no bleeding. My breasts and nipples hurt like heck, but I have been lucky will little ms. I need a nap atleast every day to function. Everything I ever read on reddit or elsewhere just makes me freak out more. I've called my doctor in a panic three times this week!!

Sorry for the wall of text, I could use some reassurance

 

[SonnyH]

Bless you, I can't imagine how hard it must be after loss. It must sap all the joy out of early pregnancy. I just wanted to send you a hug and that just make sure you keep talking to people in your life. It sounds like all is going well so far and unfortunately that is all you can hold onto at this point. You just have to let your body get on with it and live your life. What will be, will be. But it's best not to try not get too worked up about it, your body doesn't need the anxiety while it's super busy growing a human! Distract yourself with plans with your friends & family at the weekend and get stuck in at work to keep your mind off things! Being around normality helps I think in many circumstances! And if you find yourself getting down about it, talk to your OH or a friend as soon as you can. Just get it said and have a cry if you need. I find my worries a lot less overwhelming once I've shared them!

One bit of advice, step away from the Internet. Always remember that the internet attracts those where things have gone wrong or those who worry about everything! It's not a good representation of real life! I'm a huge advocate for not googling symptoms etc. and I've been a lot less worried about things ever since I took that stance! I do like chatting on here though as I don't really know anyone who is pregnant at the moment and so it's nice to speak to people at the same stage as you!

Good luck for your pregnancy, I'm sure it will all be fabulous!

 

[3boys]

After seeing the hb and baby measuring right for dates your risk of mc is very low.

 

[Khearts]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply such a kind message. It's certainly been a challenge to stay away from the internet!! I've been trying to calm down and not search every single thing, but I have pretty much no friends to relate to and my mind is going a mile a minute. I know my odds of a healthy pregnancy far outweigh my chances at a loss but you only really see people talk about the negative aspects in some forums which makes me panic. Thank you again!!

 

[3boys]

Just had a look for exact rates and after 7 weeks with normal hr the risk of mc is 2%. I think that's a pretty reassuring statistic.

 

[xdxxtx]

It's hard. I know it all too well. I always panic all the way through first tri... I panicked through a lot of second tri, too. In fact, I'm almost 25 weeks along and have just finally stopped panicking for the most part. I still have my moments where I just get short of breath, thinking about the worst outcomes, but once I start feeling my baby wiggle around, it really calms me and helps me to just bond with my baby and try to forget about the very, very rare instance of problems occurring.

So, there's hope that this feeling won't last forever... That being said, I just try to stay busy throughout my first trimesters. It's a looooong period of time. Even when you're 9 weeks along. The next month of pregnancy feels like 9 months in itself! I find that the busier I'm able to keep myself, the "quicker" it feels like that time goes by. At LEAST I can keep my mind off of it long enough when I'm occupying it with other things...If you're able, find a good show to binge watch. I binge watched Buffy and Friends, also did a lot of puzzles of different types, mobile phone games, anything to keep my mind occupied.

 

[Mrs B.]

I was (and am) exactly the same. I've just made it to the 12 week scan and I do feel a lot better now, though it doesn't stop me worrying about cramping and checking for blood! As the others have said, once you see a heartbeat the chances of a successful pregnancy drastically increase. They get better week on week. Don't google, it'll scare you! if you do (inc reading forums like this) just remember that for every bad story you read, there are hundreds and thousands of good ones. The ones that get posted online are usually the bad ones, so when you google, you're only seeing the tiny number of bad stories, but it looks like they're the only stories! I honestly didn't think I'd get to this point so I know how hard it is to focus on the positive. There is honestly so much chance you've got a lovely healthy baby sticking around in you for the next two and a half trimesters

 

[Lappinit100]

Hi, I can completly understand the worry. I got a BFP at 11dpo at 13dpo I started to bleed for about 36hours. Went to the ER had a check up everything seemed to be fine although my hcg levels were on the low side. Had a scan on Wednesday but was too early to see anything. But my hcg levels more than doubled so I'm feeling positive. I have another scan booked in for next Tuesday, I seem to be noticing every little pull and pinch but I think it's part to do with my mind playing tricks on me, I'm also so worried to start bleeding again. I have had some more spotting since my scan but I was told this is quite normal as they had trouble finding my left ovary so they had to poke about abit more than normal. Unfortunately the waiting game is the worst! Wishing you lots of luck and I'm sure you will be fine xx

 

[justonemore31]

I know exactly how you feel. Ive had losses and it makes me so nervous. My first scan wont be until im 8w3d and i feel its so far away. I hate waiting and not knowing.

 

[sarah2211]

I was in the same position too. After struggling to TTC I thought I would be over the moon but I just spent the first trimester freaking out. Not much really reassured me. But these things helps.

After seeing the heartbeat at 7 weeks, I had read the chance was less than 2%. I just told myself we had a 98% chance of bringing home our baby. It helped because that was a huge percentage.

There's also a website that gives you the chance of a MC each day and watching the percentage get smaller and smaller really helped.

My midwife also said that if I was still having symptoms and my boobs were still sore then I was still pregnant. I spent a lot of the first trimester grabbing my boobs just to check haha. She also was surprised I even knew about missed miscarriages and said they were very rare. When you look online it seems like lots of people have had MMC. But really it's not that common.

I also have PCOS and have heard lots of women staying on metformin or being prescribed progesterone to help too. I'm on aspirin and daily blood thinning injections which helps to reduce the chance too.

But during my 11th week I had talked myself into there being no heartbeat at the 12 week scan. I had decided that there was a good chance there was nothing there but I couldn't do anything about it now. Trying to let go, even though I was so sure I'd had a MMC kind of helped. I knew there was nothing more I could do. I also tried to remind myself that I'm pregnant now and I need to enjoy that. I'll never get another first trimester with this baby and I didn't want to spend all of it worrying about it disappearing.

But, when I saw the heartbeat at 12 weeks I just cried. I've been feeling movements since about 15 weeks and that's really really helped. I'm very high risk so I know that even now at 19 weeks I'm far from being "safe" but the odds are in my favour. Unfortunately the risk of a miscarriage is what we have to go through to get our miracles.

I hope that helps.

 

[Khearts]

Thank you all for the replies. I feel I have calmed down atleast a little bit! I have my first prenatal physical this coming Tuesday so I hope I can convince them to attempt a doppler or get me into an ultrasound to survive the next few weeks. We have been dying to tell my husband's parents but we're just too terrified at this point to be excited. I'm humbled to know my worrying is very common. I know I have a great chance at bringing baby home and I'm trying to keep that in the front of my mind. Thank you all!

 

[margeandmom]

Fx of you! I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you on Tuesday!!

 

[maddiesmum1]

Honestly, I dont think the worry ever goes away. It's part of being a mother. I still check my children are breathing at bed time and they're 4 and 2, so I will never not worry xx

 

[LuBru]

Just wanted to quickly add that I feel the exact same way you do, although I see you had been TTC for so long so I can only imagine how that would influence your emotions. I too was greatly reassured by a strong heartbeat at the 8 week scan and reading encouraging statistics about the % of loss. Every day your pregnancy progresses, the % lowers. There is always a risk but you had passed the highest risk window. My acupuncturist suggested writing 3 things I am thankful for each night in a journal to focus on the positive...it sounds corny but it re-trains your brain!! Lots of love to you.

 

[dan-o]

9 years on and 14th pregnancy in progress and I still panic about mc just as much as the first time!

Your actual chances of MC are really low now, deffo ask about the Doppler! I bought my own to ease the anxiety! Xx

 

[Loralaura]

i completely understand your situation!

I had a m/c 7 years ago, went on to have a healthy baby boy (bleeding throughout that pregnancy too which traumatised me!)

now its 6 years later I'm pregnant again and I am terrified, every cramp, every bit of discharge constantly cant go longer than half hour without checking I'm bleeding. I have booked a private early scan but that is another 2 weeks away.

anyway just wanted to let you know you are not alone!

x