How to tell OH's 16 year old son I'm pregnant? Please help!!

[fuffyburra]

Hi, this is a bit of a weird one but I'm 22, OH is 51, and he has a 16 year old son from his previous marriage. I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant with our first A LOT sooner than expected - we've been together for just over a year, live together, and his divorce hasn't properly gone through yet. The papers have been signed and sent off, so now it's just waiting I guess!

OH and I got together quite soon after he and his ex wife separated. He left her for other reasons, but naturally she's seen an opportunity to blame someone else for her marriage break up and insists that he left her for me, etc. etc. as I think most people in her position would. It's not fair at all and I'm not saying it's right, especially considering she tries to drag their son in to it all, but I can see why she's doing it all the same. Luckily, their son still loves OH and sees him all the time, and has told his dad on many occasions that his mum's 'brainwashing attempts' (as he calls them) aren't working.

Anyway, now the history's over lol, we were waiting until 12 weeks to tell both OH's son and his ex wife about the baby. They will be undeniably be hurt by it; OH's son might feel he's being replaced, and OH's ex will be hurt that he's starting another family so soon. I'm more concerned about their son, as his ex is a grown up who can deal with her own problems.

I was just wondering if anyone's had to break the news to their older kids that they're having another baby, or if anyone's told their children from a previous relationship? OH's son also has asburgers and has found it quite hard to deal with the break up of his parents even though he's told them both he wants it to happen because he wants to live with OH. This is going to be a massive change for him, and 16 is quite a tricky age. I obviously have no experience of dealing with 16 year olds, and I don't try to act like a mother or anything similar to him being that I'm only 6 years older lol. We get on well, but in a friend kind of way.

Has anyone got any tips on a)trying to tell him, b)dealing with the fallout that could potentially happen afterwards, and c)how to make sure he still feels included and not replaced by this new baby or family.

All advice welcome!!

Many thanks x x

 

[fuffyburra]

Oops, forgot to mention that their son lives with his mother, and is coming to the college local to OH and I, so will be spending more and more time around our house (hopefully).

 

[comniwat]

lovely

 

[Lexilove]

I'm not trying to stereotype here but I read a book about aspburgers (House Rules by Jodie Piccoult-highly reccomend ) and it said that a trait of someone with aspburgers is not being able to see things objectively (obviously not true in all cases) so it might be harder on him than another person. I would let OH go to his ex-wife alone and tell her first so she doesn't hear it from her son, I recomend letting him go by himself so she can have her reaction without you getting your feelings hurt since a negative reaction probably isn't personal she might have ideas on telling her son so that the news goes over well. Don't be offended if he isn't completely on board with a new baby. Best of luck

 

[MummyJade]

agree with the above!


good luck... x

 

[fuffyburra]

I'm not trying to stereotype here but I read a book about aspburgers (House Rules by Jodie Piccoult-highly reccomend ) and it said that a trait of someone with aspburgers is not being able to see things objectively (obviously not true in all cases) so it might be harder on him than another person. I would let OH go to his ex-wife alone and tell her first so she doesn't hear it from her son, I recomend letting him go by himself so she can have her reaction without you getting your feelings hurt since a negative reaction probably isn't personal she might have ideas on telling her son so that the news goes over well. Don't be offended if he isn't completely on board with a new baby. Best of luck

Yeah he will see it differently to other people, and he also doesn't act a certain way out of politeness. Like, most people would be able to hide it if they didn't approve or they were upset, but he doesn't. So I'm bracing myself for the very very worst However, he quite often surprises us and is totally cool with stuff! lol
We were also thinking OH should go alone to tell her, and we should sit down together and tell his son. I think you're right, he might not be on board with a baby brother or sister just yet. I just hope that after a few months when he realises that it won't change how much we care about him he might come round to the idea, and probably get excited. He loves babies and kids, and is really good with them, so he'll be the perfect older brother
Thankyou for your reply, it's made me feel like telling him isn't such a big deal, and he'll more than likely get over it soon enough
x x

 

[mom22boys]

Maybe he will be excited! Everyone loves a baby. Good luck!

 

[seoj]

As with any child, just remind him how much he is loved... and how lucky he will be to be a big brother... and how this child will look up to him and need his love and support. It's going to be a tough road for a while... all things considered. But you'll get there. It just may take some extra patients and time?

We have a 14yr old (my hubbies daughter from his previous marriage) full time... and she is thrilled to finally be a big sis... but I know she worries about losing attention. I just make sure to have special time with her still... as does hubby... and we will continue to do so even after baby. It's finding a good balance for the family. You want YOU time, family time and special mom/daughter or Dad/daughter time... etc... it can be a tricky balance, but you'll find it

Best of luck to you all!!!

 

[fuffyburra]

Thanks guys! I wish he lived with us full time, it's nice having him around and I'd feel a lot less worried about it. Like, if he doesn't like the fact that we're having a baby, he simply won't come round which makes it harder to show him that we still care about him and nothing is going to change in a bad way. I know he'll be chuffed in the end, but it's what happens in the meantime that makes me uneasy. We just love him so much and don't want him to be hurt I guess!!

Thanks for all the advice and luck, we both really really appreciate it x x