hubby possibly losing job

[Kimbre]

im very upset. i cant really think straight at work right now. i just need some advice.

i woke up at 5 am for my ten hour shift at work. my daughter goes to my mothers and gets to school for 8 am with her. i thought she knocked so i opened it and its my hubbys friend/co worker and they usually car pool since he works out of state during the week.

next thing i know the guy is leaving and hubby is sitting on the bed. apparently he didnt see a text until 2 am from his boss saying he didnt need to come in this week and to call him!
hubby thinks hes fired. but why would he say this week and not just say dont come call me. a few weeks ago he backed the work truck into a pole. but i figured he was fine since hes been there almost 2 years! and its been weeks, im unsure whats going on or if hes just gotta sit this week out or what. but we are struggling now financially. and im 16 almost 17 weeks pregnant! so what do we do if hes fired!? plus i have to go on maternity leave when the doctor says.... and im struggling as it is to put money aside for that. if he loses his job i dont see how we will pay for things when i have to leave work. i thought everything was fine and we'd work it out if i saved a little bit or paid some bills in advance. with both jobs things seemed great! my daughter also just started cheer leading and that's expensive! i had planned on using my federal taxes as a maternity set aside, but my student loans(which im out of default this month) took them... i can try to get them back but not sure i will.

i do not get paid maternity as i started here almost 4 months ago and cannot become a full employee with all benefits until 6 or more months, i CAN apply for disability but i doubt itll be much.

im very very stressed out. and ilet him know that. im sure he feels bad, but now we are fighting a bit....this is just the LAST thing we need! we had wanted to move to a better house before baby too... i dont see that happening now

any advice or encouragement would be great. thanks!!!

 

[krissie328]

I have gone through two job losses with DH and they are never easy. Has he been able to call his boss and get this sorted? Could it just be they are low on hours right now?

 

[Isme]

I'm sorry. We went through a job loss during my last pregnancy. It was so, so stressful. I hate that you may be dealing with that. Everything ended up working out for us eventually, but it was tough. I hope that if your DH does lose his job, then he will be able to find something quickly. It took my DH a long time when it happened to us, but that was in 2008 in the middle of the "great recession" here in the US. Hopefully the job market is a bit better than that where you are. Fingers crossed that everything works out well for you guys.

 

[MrsMinx]

Have you had a chat with him? You need to discuss whether indeed he has been terminated or if it's simply reduced hours. You might also want to discuss his future work-related plans. Open discussion is always best.

Regarding the cheer-leading classes, perhaps your daughter can have lessons at a local community centre where the cost may be lower or even free.

It is challenging I can imagine, but you also need to reduce your stress and anxiety level. Just take one day at a time.

 

[Kimbre]

he got laid off. he no longer works and its killing me....
im left to pay everything on my own. yesterday he acted like he couldnt stand how bored he was all day, i work 40 hours or more and it was my day off so i just hung out at the house. i told him to go do something but hes like theres nothing to do here. Im already so stressed out and then we got into a huge fight. i told him to try harder to get a job if hes so bored. he turned it around on me and basically called me controlling(im FAR from it) he does whatever he wants... i ended up crying all night and left for work crying this morning.

 

[2have4kids]

Oh I'm sorry you're going through this. My DH lost his job last June and while I'm on maternity leave it's not much $$ for both of us. His EI ended in Feb. You need to stay as calm as you can and understand that getting angry at him will only push him to do things you don't want him to do. If he was fired, is there a reason? Has he had bad reviews or was this contract work? He may have recourse if he was a full time employee and fired unjustly. A demand letter from a lawyer (legal aid?) is all it takes in those cases sometimes to collect proper severance pay. My sister was fired unjustly after 2 years working at WestJet (apparently it's very common to be fired without due process from that company because they don't hire qualified educated management). She contacted a family friend who sent a demand letter through. They reversed her termination to a layoff status and paid her $10,000 the equivalent of 3 months salary severance. There are employment laws that protect us from things like this, an accident is an accident!

As well, look at job ads in your free time and offer help to him rather than criticism. My DH didn't even start looking for a job until he was on his last month of EI. There was not a damned thing I could do about it but I did fire some work opportunities his way during the last year. If they don't take advantage it's frustrating but again, nothing you have control over and he's more likely to respond productively if you respond to him in a helpful positive way than showing the total emotional stressed melt down that we feel -I'm not kidding, I feel it too, it's so stressful and I don't know what to do but I know if I hand him my screeching wrath it'll just stress out our 8 month old baby and me with my 1or 2 on the way and ruin my relationship with him.

You have some time before you go on mat leave so work hard to keep it together and contribute what you have time for to his job hunt. Be the professional right now, take care of DD, and yourself & baby and maybe make a plan for you & DD if you see he's wasting away doing nothing at home despite your efforts. Seek community resources, family, friends. Sending you massive
Your storm to calm change might actually scare the shit out of him to do something...never know!

 

[rose.]

Thinking of you maybe he's actually feeling quite stressed and low about the whole thing too, and that's causing him to come across as defensive and like he can't be bothered? I find that when I ask my husband to do something it makes him want to do the complete opposite. Hopefully he finds something soon and the pressure will be off you for a bit.

 

[Kimbre]

Oh I'm sorry you're going through this. My DH lost his job last June and while I'm on maternity leave it's not much $$ for both of us. His EI ended in Feb. You need to stay as calm as you can and understand that getting angry at him will only push him to do things you don't want him to do. If he was fired, is there a reason? Has he had bad reviews or was this contract work? He may have recourse if he was a full time employee and fired unjustly. A demand letter from a lawyer (legal aid?) is all it takes in those cases sometimes to collect proper severance pay. My sister was fired unjustly after 2 years working at WestJet (apparently it's very common to be fired without due process from that company because they don't hire qualified educated management). She contacted a family friend who sent a demand letter through. They reversed her termination to a layoff status and paid her $10,000 the equivalent of 3 months salary severance. There are employment laws that protect us from things like this, an accident is an accident!

As well, look at job ads in your free time and offer help to him rather than criticism. My DH didn't even start looking for a job until he was on his last month of EI. There was not a damned thing I could do about it but I did fire some work opportunities his way during the last year. If they don't take advantage it's frustrating but again, nothing you have control over and he's more likely to respond productively if you respond to him in a helpful positive way than showing the total emotional stressed melt down that we feel -I'm not kidding, I feel it too, it's so stressful and I don't know what to do but I know if I hand him my screeching wrath it'll just stress out our 8 month old baby and me with my 1or 2 on the way and ruin my relationship with him.

You have some time before you go on mat leave so work hard to keep it together and contribute what you have time for to his job hunt. Be the professional right now, take care of DD, and yourself & baby and maybe make a plan for you & DD if you see he's wasting away doing nothing at home despite your efforts. Seek community resources, family, friends. Sending you massive
Your storm to calm change might actually scare the shit out of him to do something...never know!

honestly ive been really supportive. but paying all the bills and rent is really affecting me! i have NO money left to buy ANYTHING for the baby or the house is really overwhelming... i need to be prepared and theres nothing i can do about it. i finally felt like i could buy whatever the baby needed ( with my DD i had to accept what i could...free crib ect) i do not want to just settle for stuff for the new baby... i shouldnt have to when i work so hard you know? i do not usually fight with him, i let him sulk and i try to make it better. when he doenst have a job hes miserable. he feels useless, but he doesnt wanna settle for a job, and at the point i think he needs to for us!

 

[2have4kids]

honestly ive been really supportive. but paying all the bills and rent is really affecting me! i have NO money left to buy ANYTHING for the baby or the house is really overwhelming... i need to be prepared and theres nothing i can do about it. i finally felt like i could buy whatever the baby needed ( with my DD i had to accept what i could...free crib ect) i do not want to just settle for stuff for the new baby... i shouldnt have to when i work so hard you know? i do not usually fight with him, i let him sulk and i try to make it better. when he doenst have a job hes miserable. he feels useless, but he doesnt wanna settle for a job, and at the point i think he needs to for us!

I know, and I agree with you you shouldn't have to pay wverything on your own. Can you ask for a eent reduction or move to a smaller less costly place while he's not working? If you get a rent reduction please don't tell him. I don't think lightening the load on you has any beneficial motivators for him, but that's just me, I'd keep some things to myself especially if you feel you're going to have to call some hard boundaries with him in the near future. He should be willing to take anything at this point to contribute. I hope you guys can get it sorted soon xx

 

[Kimbre]

honestly ive been really supportive. but paying all the bills and rent is really affecting me! i have NO money left to buy ANYTHING for the baby or the house is really overwhelming... i need to be prepared and theres nothing i can do about it. i finally felt like i could buy whatever the baby needed ( with my DD i had to accept what i could...free crib ect) i do not want to just settle for stuff for the new baby... i shouldnt have to when i work so hard you know? i do not usually fight with him, i let him sulk and i try to make it better. when he doenst have a job hes miserable. he feels useless, but he doesnt wanna settle for a job, and at the point i think he needs to for us!

I know, and I agree with you you shouldn't have to pay wverything on your own. Can you ask for a eent reduction or move to a smaller less costly place while he's not working? If you get a rent reduction please don't tell him. I don't think lightening the load on you has any beneficial motivators for him, but that's just me, I'd keep some things to myself especially if you feel you're going to have to call some hard boundaries with him in the near future. He should be willing to take anything at this point to contribute. I hope you guys can get it sorted soon xx

our landlord is AWFUL. hes a drunk. all he cares about is rent and CLAIMS its worth more than hes already charging which is laughable with all t he heating issues, storm windows falling out, and crap weve had to deal with at this place. he refuses to get back to me when we have an issue, but if rent is due suddenly his phone works.... we are a month behind right now, bc of my hubby not paying his half of the rent two months in a row. so i paid him my half and hubby was suppose to pay him his halves but then lost his job! so now we are 1 month behind. i spoke with the ";landlord" and told him hubby lost his job and i cant afford to pay the 1 month back rent at the moment because i have to pay all the bills and upcoming rent by myself. he acted pissed and wanted a date i could pay it, i told him the truth, we can pay it when he gets a job....at this point im struggling to put food on the table. we have food, but its draining my funds to pay for it when i have to pay EVERYTHING else!

hubby had an interview and is waiting for a call for a second one. we are hoping he gets it as thehours are perfect and pay is good!

then i receive a phone call from my landlords "office" guy and hes saying the landlord doesnt think hes gonna see THIS months rent and wants to start eviction papers!!! are you serious?! i dont know if he was drunk when we had our convo or something? like WTF. i told him id have this months rent. we have been at our place OVER a year and never been late! im just soo stressed out. im hoping things get better but its hard to see that right now.

im going to call my student loans because they took ALL my taxes( when i was in default, which im out of now) and i hear you can get them back if you're being evicted. if that is the case we will just take the money and move because we'd rather have a nice house anyway, its just not in the cards to move without that money. OR we would have to move in with my mother until we got our taxes and or he got a job, and thats NOT healthy for our relationship as we've lived there before.

CROSS your fingers ladies!!! i need some luck sent my way!

 

[2have4kids]

Oh I really hope he gets that job! I personslly would move asap. But thst might be difficult if uou need deposit + 1 months rent somewhere else. So sorry you're going through this xx