Hubby wants to lie about our birth hospital...

[Eleanor ace]

They sound insane!! Crickey! I'd deliver at the hospital you want to and not tell them when you go into labour.

 

[mnonie]

Tbh I can see where your OH is coming from with the lying thing. Your in laws seriously do need a kick up the backside - this is your baby!! Sounds funny but letting you marry your OH, I'm pretty sure he had to have a choice in it and it soundalike he could do with standing upto the plate now. My dad didn't for my mum and it almost ended with me and my sisters being taken away from mum my aunts (dads sisters) lied horrifically. I'd ask him why he won't tbh. Whatever you decide, everyone here is 110% behind you and sending you damn big hugs.
X

 

[MrsGards]

My oh is a massive knob when it comes to his mum, its like oh no, can't possibly say anything that may slightly offend or upset his mummy but she's allowed to upset and hugely offend me over and over again but I think even my oh would have said something by now.
Im not very diplomatic at the moment and would go along the lines of- your going to piss them off one way or another, just do what makes you feel more comfortable. If they cant man up and deal with the fact after all this time that you are married to their son and therefore a huge part of his life, a baby isn't going to change this. They sound horrible and spiteful and id be doing everything, regardless of consequences, to keep them as far away from me as possible. However, as I said, especially at the moment, im not very diplomatic!! good luck with it all x

 

[AP]

I wouldnt lie, at first anyway - they would be told straight by my DH they arent invited.

When you do labour - just don't tell anyone - that's what we did.

In all honesty these people sound awful and I'd cut them off. It's not your baby they say ? I think you'll find, it is yours (and DH's) and nowt to do with them!

 

[girlinyork]

My mil is very over enthusiastic and wants to "wait in the waiting room" and I told her no. I'm not even going to tell her when I am in labour and will call her several hours after she is born.

Having this baby completely shifts the dynamic tbh. Make it clear that as this baby's mother, they can't even see a picture unless they get your say so. If they are going to be hostile and accuse you of making trouble, you may as well make trouble. And if they are still hostile you remind them you can stop them seeing the baby. Fact is, you don't want people who are disrespectful towards you displaying that behaviour in front of your child anyway! It'll cause psychological damage in the long run. My sister had to do it with her in laws when they disrespected her and when they were faced with being cut off from their grandchild/niece they suddenly became a lot nicer to her!

 

[Mum2BKW]

It sounds like you're the "evil daughter-in-law" in their eyes whatever you do. So you might as well do what you want!

 

[Cassie96]

OMG! I feel so lucky right now that I don't have to deal with the dad-to-be's parents or family as they don't give a shit about me or this baby and neither does the dad-to-be.

But on a serious note, his family have no right to tell you any of this. Your the parents of this baby, not them?
I'd make all contact with them as minimal as it has to be, but that's just me.
As for the birth, people don't go to watch! You want the people there to support you and help you through the time you'll need it most. I would defiantly put my foot down and say you only want your partner there. And if you tell your hospital/midwife you don't want them there, there not aloud to let them in.
I totally agree with you about having the first cupple of days, even a week to yourselves.. Your bringing this bundle of joy back into your own home which is such a special moment and then theres getting to know your baby's personality, wants and needs.
And if your breast feeding, you don't want them all there telling you your not doing it right blah blah blah..
It's like she's trying to live your life for you!
And when she said 'its not Just your baby' well actually it is, it's yours and your partners. It's certainly not hers!
And I can't believe she said 'we aloud you to marry nick'
how dare she!?
It's almost like she doesn't think your good enough for her son! Not only have you fallen in love and married him, your giving him a child. That's the most precious thing a woman and man can do!
And your giving her a grandchild!

I'm so sorry your going through this, she sounds horrible!

 

[Dani_Ldn]

What a**holes!! Do what ever you want, it is your baby, not their's! If you like your planned hospital then just stick with it & not tell anyone when you go into labour so they don't know. Same with your ultrasounds, I wouldn't bother telling them when they are & make sure your hubby does the same thing.

You are in the right here, your body, your baby, your life. It is none of their business to try & elbow their way into it if they are not welcome.

I just shake my head over people like this, god knows how they think that it is ok to act this way!

 

[SHAMto3]

Yep, there's no way I'd want them there, so I chose the least obvious option and tell them later.

 

[tag74]

Wow, just reading your initial post, I'd want to move! I totally feel your pain. I would honestly put your foot down even if it means falling further out of their good graces.

Hang in there!

 

[Sunshinebubs]

Wow, these in-laws are as insane as mine!! What kind of people want to be in the delivery room watching their daughter in law give birth!? WTF?! That is NOT normal in my opinion. I have to agree with all the posters who have said that you should keep quiet when you go into labour. Tell no one. You have already tried to reason with them, and going by your posts, I don't think you can win with these people. I think you have spent enough time stressing over this and its now time to concentrate on you, your dh and most importantly your precious baby. Have your baby and THEN tell the world when you are ready. At the end of the day, you are a family unit of 3. Extended family are not 'entitled' to share in every single experience of your life. It is a 'privilege' to be involved in any way and they need respect and accept that.

Speaking from experience, I suggest you stand your ground with this now or things will only get worse when the baby arrives. I've been through it. My MIL turned up wanting into the delivery suite, but I only wanted my mum and DH in with me. Who wants their MIL staring at their bits???? ICK.

This is their OWN doing. Remember that. Do what you need to do in order to enjoy this amazing experience xxx

 

[Piper84]

I am so sorry. Your in-laws really do sound insane. Were they like this from the very beginning with you?

Anyway, I don't get this modern obsession with expecting to be present at someone else's labour. As far as I'm concerned, if you're not expressly invited, you can forget about it.

I would do anything to have them as far away as possible, but why don't you just let DH do the lying and let him take the rap for it? At least that way they'll have to confront him and not have an excuse to blame you

 

[JessinChi]

I love my in laws but wouldn't want them near the delivery room. It's your dh's job to tell them clear and straight that they aren't invited. He needs to be the bad guy here, and if they still blame you- nothing at all you can do about it! I wouldn't switch hospitals. My hospital won't allow more than 2 people in the delivery room anyway, and they all have to have express permission to be there. They won't let anyone you don't want there in. Definitely don't tell them when you are going into labor. These people sound crazy!!!

 

[MImom2be]

Thanks so much everyone!

Yes, they are absolutely, positively bat $hit nuts...ALWAYS have been. That's why we eloped. We were engaged the 1st time, they ruined that by all of THEIR demands, got pissed when I called it off (gee, I wonder why???) and a year later, we eloped, just the two of us and some random strangers on the street for witnesses

Frankly, I don't see why should HAVE to lie...It pisses me off, putting our foot down and saying NO should be the end of it!

Gotta say ladies, I love him, with my whole heart and soul, but damn it, I can't WAIT til those f_ _kers die! Yeah, I know that's horrid to say, but it's true. I will CELEBRATE when they are gone and leave us the hell alone.

 

[Taurus8484]

It sounds like you're the "evil daughter-in-law" in their eyes whatever you do. So you might as well do what you want!

This.......your going to get the blame not matter what, so do want you want, its your husband and your baby, not theirs. They sound a little........uuummmm....crazy!!!!

 

[nevernormal]

Wow I think your inlaws are worse than my FIL! The only difference is my FIL will think all of those things about me, he's just too nonconfrontational to say them.

First off, I know my hospital has a limit on how many people can be there for labor & delivery. Do you know if your hospital has similar policy? It might be worth looking into to try to pass the blame to them a little bit.

Secondly, I would advise you to sit down and talk with your DH, and tell him that HE needs to be the one who handles relationships with his family, and in an honest way. If you lie, and they find out, that could just make things worse down the road. But anyway, I know with my own DH I had to talk to him several times about the fact that I need to KNOW he'll stand up for me if it comes to that. That the family we created by getting married takes priority over the one he was born into, plain & simple. DH isn't the most confrontational person either, but I've learned that he just chooses his battles. Things came to a head once with FIL and DH really took a stand for me. Your DH needs to pick his battles too. He doesn't need to be like his family and be so constantly in their faces, but I would say that this is a time that he needs to man up and let them know that the family you two are building takes priority. That whether or not his family thinks that you are to blame, the fact is the two of you make decisions together and he supports your wishes about the baby 100%. HE needs to make a stand.

Trust me, from what I've gone through with my ILs (mainly FIL) and DH, I really do think that HIM standing up to them will be the best. I know that if I confronted my FIL it would just make things worse in the end, confirming in his own twisted mind that my attitude/personality is all to blame, etc. It's hard to be patient and let DH take the lead on it, as I'm definitely not afraid of confrontation and wouldn't have a hard time telling FIL exactly what I think at times, but it's definitely much better received coming from DH instead of me.