Huge Pet Peeve! The "we" of pregnancy

[Farmgirlalee]

My SO and I are not married. I love his mom- we get along great. But she just did something that drives me nuts. I posted on Facebook asking people for gender predictions and predictions on if I am having multiples. She said she would love it if "we" are having twins. Uhm sorry but there is no "we". I a carrying them. I am birthing them. SO is dealing with my moods and the house and I don't even want him to say "we" are pregnant. I know some people don't care and it's a way people try to feel involved. But it feels like an intrusion.

 

[DobbyForever]

Aww it bugs me too sometimes. Not usually but every now and then I'm like wtf is this we?!

 

[Farmgirlalee]

Right?! I mean I am a hugely private person and so is she. Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent

 

[DobbyForever]

That's what we're here for

 

[Pulirula]

I totally understand. I'm pregnant! Not us! WE are expecting a baby in a few months. There's a difference!

 

[kirstybumx3]

Aww I am quite the opposite. I like to include OH and always say 'we'. Our baby wouldn't even be in there if it wasn't for OH I'd hate for him to feel like I was making our pregnancy all about me as it's equally as important to him.
Not sure I'd like it if other family members were calling him their baby though, that's odd.

 

[lindsayms05]

I think she means other people saying "we" not her SO saying it.

Nevermind...I reread and she included SO in it too. Sorry, misread!

 

[SonnyH]

I always refer to my pregnancy as 'we' when talking about me and my OH. Little one is half his, half mine so I would always say 'we' are expecting a baby. It's a joint effort and my OH and I are very much a partnership. He's my best friend

That said, I do really hate seeing Grandparents refer to their grandchildren as 'ours'. Nope, you've had your kids. Baby is your son/daughters and their partners! An older colleague whose daughter is pregnant is always posting on Facebook about the fact he can't wait to meet his little princess..I find it really annoying and it's not even anything to do with me! Ha!

 

[jessmke]

I totally understand. I'm pregnant! Not us! WE are expecting a baby in a few months. There's a difference!

This exactly! It's the only time I use "we" when referencing the pregnancy. "We" are expecting a baby at the end of June, but "I" am pregnant.

 

[xdxxtx]

I guess I disagree on this one - regarding MY pregnancy, NOT yours. I see your viewpoint, and I respect it, as it's your body and your choice how to refer to your pregnancy.

Personally, when I had my first, I included my OH in the whole process, with "we" the entire time. I am the only one carrying the baby, clearly, but my OH is my support system... I wouldn't be able to do this without OH. OH will rub my sore back and feet at the end of every day. OH coaches me during labor and hugs and holds me as I cry out in pain in the last few hours of labor... My OH runs out and gets what I'm craving at 2 or 5 am if I "NEED A BAGEL RIGHT NOW". Yeah, we've had that a few times. haha. And my moooooooods. Yessssssss. I had postpartum depression twice, and I was a messsssssssss. I do not feel like I would have survived that alone. I got extremely suicidal, and my OH kept me safe and got me the help that I needed.

Now, I'm expecting my fifth, and my subsequent pregnancies have been different. The "we" who is getting a baby now includes my children. I teach them "we" so they're involved with the pregnancy and are thrilled to get a new sibling, and they help me out throughout my pregnancies just as much as OH does, and they help care for the new baby, too. So, I use "we" as a term to include my family in the pregnancy and the bringing up of the baby, and it works for our family...

 

[Scout]

I actually think it's nice when others, especially grandparents, are so excited about the baby, and I think that's where the 'we' comes in. And I think it's very sweet of a soon to be grandparent say he can't wait to meet his little princess. Lucky kids to have so many people to love them and think so dearly of them.

Having said that, the 'we' has been irritating to me as well, depending on my mood at the time. But when I really think about the meaning behind the words, they are always coming from a place a love even if the words themselves get on my nerves.

 

[meg_bellamy]

I understand, with my first I told MIL the day I got my bfp, and the next day she was like "are we still pregnant?" I shut her right down, I am the one who is pregnant and having to put up with everything that goes along with it.

 

[vaniilla]

That is very odd, there is no 'we', it's not her baby! I'm irked out for you! I find it really odd when couples say we're pregnant, I can understand we're having a baby but really, only one person can get pregnant!

Don't feel bad or weird about it being about you because it is, it's you carrying the baby and the one that has to take everything that comes with being pregnant.

 

[Mearly12]

My best friend always asks how is "our" baby, it dosnt bother me, she is just as happy, and in love with this baby as my husband and I. I'm excited for my baby to have lots of people who want to be in his/her life.

 

[sarah1980]

Yeah me too! We are expecting a baby but we are certainly not pregnant! I am pregnant! Although I do wish someone else could take over the hard work even for just a while! Makes me cringe when I see "we are pregnant"!

 

[Farmgirlalee]

Thanks ladies! I by no means want to push people away from being excited or part of the process to the appropriate limitations- but having her saying "I hope we are having twins" was just so overboard. I couldn't believe it. I vented to my mom and she felt the same way I do.

Plus I guess it also irks me that she couldn't get over herself enough to try to see it from my perspective. Instead she just deleted her post and is all pissy. Sorry but that doesn't make me think you are going to be supportive of parenting decisions. I'm a mama bear. It's definitely my way or the highway when it comes to raising my kids and the grandparents. I have even called my parents out on stuff in the past- lovingly and respectfullly of course- but I won't have any of this behind the back manipulation BS that I see a lot of kids learning because the grandparents undermine the parent's rules.