hurtful comments

[Mynxie]

Alot of us have had hurtful comments in our TTC journeys.

What things have been said to you?

I thought that we could all moan/vent/cry together....

 

[Mynxie]

some of the ones that have annoyed me the most are...
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when I got pregnant the first time

• stupid girl, how will you cope with a baby when you can't even walk properly?
• how will you look after a baby if you can't look after yourself?

When I miscarried

• get back on the pill
• (when I'd mentioned to the nurse at the doctors surgery that I'd got a kitten) Oh, so that'll be your baby?
• It wasn't the right time for you
• At least you weren't further along
• Don't bloody get upset, I can't be bothered with you getting all upset
• You'd have one about the same age as my LO now if you hadn't lost it (she gave birth on my due date)

About TTC

• It'll happen when God wants it to, not when you do
• Just relax
• You're next
• Oh you're still young, plenty of time yet
• I can just feel that you'll have a baby soon, so stop worrying about it (completely unprovoked, was talking about something completely unrelated to TTC/children etc)
• Just get drunk and let him do what he wants, that's how I got pregnant
• Book a holiday that you can't be pregnant for and the week before you go you'll find out that you're pregnant
• You must have (insert something....anything from PCOS to chlamydia to menopause)
• well, how can you not have had a baby yet?
• but your disabled!
• Just forget about it
• some people aren't meant to be parents
• just adopt (ironically I would adopt, but I don't think that it's an avenue that I could explore because I need care myself and I think that it would be just as heartbreaking as TTC)

 

[Chocoholic]

I am horrified! These comments are so mean, rude, hurtful...!!! I could go on and on! I'm so sorry Mynxie

I don't think I got anything this bad.

Once I was talking to a friend about babies/TTC (not sure exactly what) and she said "you don't have endometriosis or anything, do you?" with a completely weird, "are-you-infertile" look on her face

 

[Mynxie]

some people are really hurtful, i think what hurts the most is that it's loved ones who say these things - anyone else you'd raise holy Hell with but when it's loved ones you are more than slightly taken aback

 

[Chocoholic]

Very true...

I didn't tell any close friends or family that we're TTC. It's just a few friends who know, and I'm not too close to them.

I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm 8 weeks pregnant, 12 if I can keep it in that long...

When people ask if we want kids yet, I always say "we do but not right now," "we're planning" or "we need to stabilize our jobs first," any reasonable response that I can think of.

 

[Mynxie]

I can't really hide that we've been TTC for a long time, with 3 mcs lol
If i do get pregnant again and it's successful, I'll be having an early scan (even if I have to pay for it myself!!) and we'll not tell anyone til after the scan. If I get pregnant again and MC again, I'll tell those that I feel should know that I MCd again. If I don't get pregnant again, well, I don't get pregnant again, simple as that. SIL and DHs mate know that we've been to the fertility clinic, as does my best mate, but no one else IRL

 

[Chocoholic]

That's a good plan. I hope you won't miscarry again. Lot of sticky to you!

Here, we get a scan as soon as we get a positive HPT. Just to confirm the pregnancy and check to make sure it's not ectopic. Then, you go a week later for a dating ultrasound, to measure the baby and figure out conception and due date. I wish the English health system were more sensitive in the early pregnancy state.

 

[FJL]

Things that have been said to me by family and close friends who know we're having trouble TTC:

* If IVF doesn't work you can just adopt like all the famous actresses
* I just can't believe it because I am so fertile I wouldn't know what its like
* I wish I didn't have baby #2 i'm sick of changing shitty nappies...followed by 'i'd be shattered if I got pregnant again'
* You're lucky you don't have to lose weight, I have all this baby weight to lose
* You just need to relax and stop thinking about it, it worked for me (coz it only took you 2 months you stupid cow)
* Damn, I really want my kids to have some cousins
* I told my 'then' best friend that we have major sperm problems and she laughed...hahah, so funny That hurt the most
* You have no idea how hard it is once you have kids (yeah, I wish I did know

So many more, I think i've blocked out most of them for obvious reasons.

 

[pixielou]

It's so horrid all these comments that we all have.

Mine are;

You should buy yourself a kitten, dog or hamster / GP
Your still Young
Try to relax it's probbly that your stressed
Youv'e got ten minutes to discuss things with me / consultant

and the latest by oH last night after rowing he said 'well i'm not gonna go tomorrow to get sperm test', so I said 'good' to which he replied something along the lines of 'well you can't conceive anyway'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well iwas shocked asked him to repeat what he had said and he said ' didn't you hear'. Now we have been arguing alot over the weekend but there is no excuse. Ifelt so hurt so I left my dinner and said that I wasn't hungry and walked into the bedroom and he said 'yeh, go and cry'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is he being so mean??????????????

Does anyone experience this????

 

[Mynxie]

Yes, my husband said a right nasty thing to me a few weeks ago in an argument.
I think it's his way of coping, - when he can't deal with thinks he's not always nice and says some very hurtful things.

thinking of you sweetheart xxxxxxx

 

[pixielou]

Yeh were talking now and did go and get his tsts done, even thought the nurse just called him and said he has a flu/ cold and needs to go get it done again!

But loved ones do say nasty things cos they know your weak spots!

 

[buffycat]

those comments are so hurtful, i got various comments about my arthritis too when i go pregnant and then again when i had the miscarriage....

pregnant: is this a good thing - surely you can't cope?
miscarriage: oh well, maybe it is a blessing in disguise....

unless people have been through this, then they really can't understand the pain and anguish of it all...