Husband doesnt want baby as much as I do

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by tracdesi, Oct 2, 2013.

  1. tracdesi

    tracdesi Well-Known Member

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    Whenever DH and I fight it is typically about me wanting to reach another milestone, and him not wanting to. We were together for six years before he proposed, and now we're married and its great and he agrees, but I worry that I had to practically convince him. Maybe he never wanted to?
    And now with TTC, it was a fight, then in August he said "ok we will start in November" and so now I am getting excited because its close, but whenever I mention anything baby I see the look in his eyes and can tell he's not excited about it at all.
    Anyone else in this boat? this boat sucks.
    :cry:
     
  2. fairyy

    fairyy TTC # 1

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    I am exactly in same situation as you. We have been married for 3.6years. Started to NTNP since January 2013. Last cycle was TTC but no BFP yet. I am a BFP virgin. I am 30 and DH is 35. But still he is not ready for the baby. If he is allowed he will never have a baby. I want a baby real bad. He said form September we will be TTCing. But I am in my fertile period now, he is not upto the plan. Now he says he will be trying from Nov. But I know he will change that time frame again. He doesn't like to TTC only NTNP. And with his low sex drive I wonder this baby thing will remain a dream for me for a long time to come.
     
  3. MissN8

    MissN8 Well-Known Member

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    hi yes I am kinda in your situation, still waiting on a proposal and its been 8 half years. he is not bothered about children but will cause he knows I want to, I think men are different though until the baby comes they don't have those broody feelings like us women :shrug:
     
  4. fairyy

    fairyy TTC # 1

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    I find that rude what men do to us. They know it very well how badly we want it.
     
  5. SoBroody91

    SoBroody91 Well-Known Member

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    Me and OH have been together almost 3 years and I really want him to propose!!! But we will be TTC before getting married which is fine by me!

    Although we do talk about it a lot, I can sometimes see his eyes glazing over :haha: I'm definitely more excited than he is
     
  6. bunnyg82

    bunnyg82 Mum to 2 gorgeous boys

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    It's hard for them to get excited about it I think. It is usually something we want and they agree to. Even when pregnant they don't always show that much excitement, but most men, once the baby is here, they will be so different. I think we are able to imagine our lives with a baby and it's so much more natural for us. Men don't tend to have that and when you are pregnant it's hard for them to bond as much as we do.
    I know it's not easy but I honestly don't think it's that they don't want it, it's just they can't show it the way we want them to it.
     
  7. MellyH

    MellyH Pregnant (Twins!)

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    My husband and I had a big deep and meaningful last night about the fact that I want to talk about all these big plans coming up in our lives ad nauseam, and he wants to wait until we can have actual concrete discussions instead of hypothetical ones. I can see his point of view, I'm just in a rush for it all to happen now so I want to talk about it, because it makes it that much more real!
     
  8. Kitteh_Kat

    Kitteh_Kat Mommy <3

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    My husband wasn't really excited about it, but agreed to start trying because it was something I really wanted. It wasn't until about the start of the third trimester that he really got into it, when he could feel her move around. Once she was in his arms though he has been totally smitten! She's already such a daddy's little girl, and you couldn't tell by looking at them that he wasn't gung-ho about having a baby like I was. Men tend to be more hands-on and physical, so they don't tend be as into the "idea" of it as we are at first. :)
     
  9. itsnowmyturn

    itsnowmyturn Well-Known Member

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    They must want it to some degree or they wouldn't agree to it they would flat out say no.

    It's easier for them once baby is here.

    To.the poster whose oh keeps moving the date I would have a word with him and tell him what he's doing is unfair he can't just move it when he feels like it. Ntnp and TTC are very subjective descriptions, what is TTC to one person is ntnp to another so let him think its ntnp. My oh is very black and white were either trying or not there's no ntnp in existence
     
  10. tracdesi

    tracdesi Well-Known Member

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    My DH did that to me, i.e: moving dates. Last year he told me September, then September came and he said December, then he said he never gave a date at all. Now this year he is telling me November.
    I wrote him a long letter yesterday explaining how it made me feel and that if he didnt really want to do it then I didnt want to do it at all, I asked him for feedback and he didnt give me any.
    So as far as I can tell I am still on for November, I just hope/pray he doesnt go back on his word as my heart just cant take that rollercoaster.
     
  11. whittnie117

    whittnie117 Well-Known Member

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    I randomly saw this post and I came from Third Trimester to hopefully give a little hope to your situation. Sorry, if I do not belong.

    I just want to say that I was in your situation for the most part. First off, OH and I have been together for 9 years this month and have been married for 7. He is a good man overall. OH and I got married at the two year mark of dating because of a situation (not pregnancy) and had to move in together. He didn't seem to thrilled about that. Every time I would bring up babies, he would put off the subject or just say 'yea, we'll have them eventually' or 'they'll come when they come' or just dismissive comments like that and wouldn't want to talk about it any further. In the last two years I got a little more desperate because I felt he really didn't want to move our relationship further. He started saying, 'eh, we'll try in two years or so'. At least it was a time frame though, right? Whereas there had never been one.

    So I started college and forgot about it (not really, but I just let it go for a little while) and then wound up pregnant in March of this year while on birth control. I had to drop out of my semester due to complications and it took several months for him to really get into it.

    He just seemed so disconnected, almost like it wasn't really happening until he saw the ultrasound and saw that the baby had parts and a face (this was at 25 weeks that he finally went). After that he started warming up to the idea and started bringing home little items for the baby that he looked for.

    Now he is in full baby mode and is excited. He wants this baby now. He began helping with the name at 28 weeks and we decided on one two or so weeks ago. He goes shopping with me for baby stuff all the time too now.

    I think it just takes men time to warm up to the idea of a baby, even if it is impending and going to happen. Not all men are the same though, some are just assholes (pardon my language). Hopefully, once he realizes that there is a little baby growing inside of you (when you conceive) he'll begin to warm up to the idea like my OH did. My fingers and toes are crossed for you. Good luck hun!

    Again apologies if I am out of place here, I just wanted to share my story and wish you luck.
     
  12. fairyy

    fairyy TTC # 1

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    My husband gave me one time frame and now it is another one. New time frame is January 2014. But I don't trust him anymore. Initially he said September 2013 and now its 2014 January. :dohh:
     
  13. Belle25

    Belle25 Guest

    Not in same boat, but perhaps he is scared of all the changes a baby might bring?
    Some guys don't like change, even though that change may be for the best, they are scared!
    I'd meet up with friends who have kids etc, show him positive outcomes of having kids.
    X
     
  14. Chrissyxoxo

    Chrissyxoxo Active Member

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    Im in the same boat. Oh boy. Hoping the time comes sooner rather than later and I have learned to enjoy the time with your hubby or other children. I became so crazy and still am about having another that I forget about my husband and 6yo....they are still very important to me and I want to enjoy my time with them to and not let it pass me by. Good luck!
     
  15. MoldyVoldy

    MoldyVoldy Khaleesi

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    i know that for my DH, it's all about 1. the family dynamic changing again; 2. wanting to provide fully for all of us <-- that is the main thing. and i feel like that could be the main thing for most men.

    it's also hard for most men to show excitement about something that they can't really be a part of for 9 months. lol. it's one thing to SEE your partner pregnant and to feel that baby move...but...they themselves aren't nourishing that life and then they have to see you in the pain of labor and birth (and afterwards). men can feel pretty useless and helpless when their partners aren't "fully there". again this is just my experience with men :)

    also, i noticed that you had a loss. i'm so so sorry for that loss. do you think maybe he might be trying to avoid the feelings of possibly losing another? not that you would, but in his mind maybe he's very scared.
     

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