Husband has ED

[Mtrnlinstinct]

Hello all! It's almost been a year since my husband and I are trying to conceive and I am 30 and he is 37. Neither of us drink or smoke and my husband usually takes the bus to work and walks a few blocks. He is actually very skinny and even if he tried could not gain much weight. As for me, I am average weight, not overweight or underweight. Anywho, we have not had sex for five grueling years because we were stressed out financially AND because he has ed. I didn't know until we started trying to conceive. We time sex right but have not had a baby obviously. Honestly, my husband and I have had our ups and downs but a lot of downs due to financial issues and family etc but we are doing ok now. He finds sex to be a chore because of his ED. I try not to pressure him but because of his ed his sex drive is slim and we only dtd around my fertile days. It's like begging him to do it. We even stopped trying one month because he wanted a break. I am very gentile to him on this topic and I don't blame him for having ED as he can't help it. Dressing up for him in lingerie does not work or anything. He used to respond to it well but now not so much. He'll go to the bathroom and try to get it up on his own for 10-20 minutes then come rushing to me and it hurts when he goes inside. I tried pressed and the first time it still hurt and the other 3 times was ok but still not pleasant. Even though I see ewcm I feel dry and it's rough and hurts when he enters me. My husband grew up in a emotionless and fatherless household so he can't stand talking too much about it and is super sensitive and changes the topic. It may be easy for some of you to say to just talk to him but it's not easy. It's like pulling teeth. I can't help get his thing up because he doesn't want me to help. He tells me we will keep trying and refused to see a doctor just yet. I hate when I hear people tell me to relax and it will happen when least expected. Well, for us we only time sex at fertile times due to his ED and sex drive. Last time around we dtd the most, around 5 times which is our current record since ttc. He used to want it all the time but not anymore due to his ED. Any tips or tricks that may help are much appreciated. Is anyone else in the same boat? I know this was a long post but I had to get the details in and there is no one I can talk to about this. Thanks in advance for reading and replying!

 

[Mtrnlinstinct]

Ps- we are trying to buy our own house/condo before we have a baby so we have some money saved up just for that. Our insurance does not cover infertility drugs or treatments and we can't afford it on our own unless we dip into our house savings which is barely enough as it is to buy our own place. Just throwing it out there incase someone suggests it. I wish I could just collect his sperm in a sterile cup and syringe it into me without paying ridiculous amounts for a ttc kit. I heard a lesbian did that and it worked for her. I told my husband and he got excited but I'm not risking putting a non medical syringe/blaster up my cervix.

 

[Mtrnlinstinct]

Blaster not blaster lol

 

[Essjay86]

Hi, you are not alone. Even though my fella hasn't been diagnosed with ed I know he has it. He can get it up but it doesn't last long and he can't come inside me. I can't remember what it was like before ttc, I never noticed it because he always pulled out!

We only bd around fertile days and the sometimes we bd outside that window which is a great surprise, but not very often. He won't see a doctor about it yet but has had a sperm test done and it seemed fine. He is supposed to have another but is putting it off.

Last night I got a pos opk so I mentioned we needed to bd to which we did try but he lost his erection. We did manage to get it back and he deposited in a sterile cup and I used a small syringe thing to insert it inside. Then desperately lay back with my legs slightly in the air haha.

Luckily for me we get free NHS so I am also on clomid and if it doesn't work in the next few months I assume well do iui

I would recommend you look into home insemination and moniter ovulation and give it a try. Nothing you do should damage yourself if you really look into properly beforehand.

 

[NoodleHelm]

My husband also had ED, and he is in the military so his PCP wouldn't give him anything for it. Viagra is a great tool though, but sometimes men don't want to talk to the MD about it.

My husband has been taking Horny Goat Weed and Black Maca for almost a month, and it has made a world of difference with him. We didn't have sex for almost a year, and now he is initiating. It took awhile to get in his system, but once it did, he is ready to go. It doesn't take a bit of foreplay to get him to an erection, but he can actually get one now and it stays that way. His libido has really increased, and he is much more hands on now. It has really helped him. It may or may not help you, but it is worth a try!

 

[lisap2008]

My husband had temporary ED while he was on clomid for trying to treat low sperm count he went back to normal a few weeks after his last dose, but he still experiences some mild ED after hot baths. he has always had a low sex drive as well but I wanted to share the supplements that have been helping him maybe they can help your DH too.

Tongkat Ali 200:1 Root Extract 1000mg 5 days on 2 days off
Maca root powder 1000mg
Muira Puama 400mg
Tribulus Terrestris Fruit powder 1000mg
Pine bark extract powder 400mg
L-Arginine Powder 1200mg
Pyrroloquinoline Quinone 20mg
Ubiquinol with Clinically Tested Kaneka QH 200mg
DHEA

Also want to add there is nothing wrong with inseminating with a syringe there are sterile syringes you can buy online and might give you a better chance as you can position it at the cervix.

 

[Mtrnlinstinct]

Thank you all for your helpful comments and advice. I would like to do an at home insemination if this month doesn't work out for us. I have already spent so much money by buying OPKs,HPTs and pressed lubrication. If I can buy a medical grade long syringe what would someone suggest? Without get a insemination kit. We were supposed to do it last night but my husband begged me to wait till tonight and that made me upset. I don't have any more OPKs left and the basal thermometer I got from amazon turned out defective so I am solely relying on my ewcm which I have been noticing since Friday. Besides ED, my husband always seems tired but it's weird because he can walk 3 miles without being tired and at home he's always on the couch. He is skinny so it's weird. I hope to conceive before the end of the year as we are trying to buy our own place quickly and have one more payment left on our car. After that we should be able to afford a baby but surprisingly after hospital costs a newborn doesn't cost much. They usually only require diaper and wipes and you get some as gifts and breast milk is free if you can provide so. Other things can come from a well thought out baby registery. I know I am overly thinking this but thanks for the advice so far. My nephew just turned one and I want him to have his first,first cousin/best friend to be conceived soon so they are close in age!

 

[lisap2008]

Thank you all for your helpful comments and advice. I would like to do an at home insemination if this month doesn't work out for us. I have already spent so much money by buying OPKs,HPTs and pressed lubrication. If I can buy a medical grade long syringe what would someone suggest? Without get a insemination kit. We were supposed to do it last night but my husband begged me to wait till tonight and that made me upset. I don't have any more OPKs left and the basal thermometer I got from amazon turned out defective so I am solely relying on my ewcm which I have been noticing since Friday. Besides ED, my husband always seems tired but it's weird because he can walk 3 miles without being tired and at home he's always on the couch. He is skinny so it's weird. I hope to conceive before the end of the year as we are trying to buy our own place quickly and have one more payment left on our car. After that we should be able to afford a baby but surprisingly after hospital costs a newborn doesn't cost much. They usually only require diaper and wipes and you get some as gifts and breast milk is free if you can provide so. Other things can come from a well thought out baby registery. I know I am overly thinking this but thanks for the advice so far. My nephew just turned one and I want him to have his first,first cousin/best friend to be conceived soon so they are close in age!

I would not pay for a insemination kit, I got all my syringes on https://www.allegromedical.com/syringes-c570/bd-5-ml-slip-tip-disposable-syringe-p563755.html
and ICI catheters here https://www.shopmedvet.com/product/...h-5-5inch-open-end/catheters-suction-supplies