husband is not attracted to my pregnancy body

[Ventri]

Sigh... this is hard to admit because its painful but my husband is not attracted to my pregnancy body. I loved being pregnant with our daughter I felt great and then after I had her, right around Christmas time I find out that he's had been looking at porn since I was about 6 months pregnant, which is when I really started showing. I gained an awful amount with my first pregnancy so that didn't help but I'm getting paranoid that he might be slipping again. Last night I tried to be Flirty and kissed him the way he likes and he kissed back but There was no other physical responce - OUCH! I thought maybe we'd be intimate but no, he got too involved with his game and it was "so late" and he was too tired to perform. Double ouch :'( I did have a little scare where I was cramping ( but believe me any excuse to not be intimate will do for him) so its been probably over a month since we've been intimate... so silly me thought my advances would be welcome.

Its amazing we Have two kids with how rare we baby dance.

I needed to get that off my chest.... anyone else have a husband who isn't interested in your pregnant body?

 

[DollPosse]

Hubby seems to think I am "hot" if I am in dirty p.j's with messy hair. I have no idea how that is attractive at all. lol
I will say that my hubby really could care less what I look like so this is not much of a compliment.

I am having the opposite issue. I am just not attracted to him at all really right now.

 

[Akinesia]

I'm so sorry that's happening to you. Maybe it's more of a subconscious thing with him... perhaps he sees you and the baby as fragile and worries about hurting you during intimate moments and the thought turns him off. I know it's really common for men to worry about that, and it can manifest in different ways. Maybe you could have a talk with him and tell him how you feel, and see if he'll share his own feeling with you. It might just be something simple like that where with a few talks he may respond more appropriately to you.

My own OH is the complete opposite, and seems to have a pregnancy fetish which is almost disturbing, haha. Every day he's telling me how good I'm looking and how much the pregnancy suits me. Or maybe he's just trying to be nice, because honestly I'm a sick bloated mess at this point. I guess every man is different, and reacts differently to changes in our bodies.

 

[Ventri]

Hubby seems to think I am "hot" if I am in dirty p.j's with messy hair. I have no idea how that is attractive at all. lol
I will say that my hubby really could care less what I look like so this is not much of a compliment.

I am having the opposite issue. I am just not attracted to him at all really right now.

Yea I'm not super attracted to him right now either but a girl needs some satisfaction too! LOL
My hubby, after I found out about the porn and me asking him what I could do if anything to help keep him away from it... he said get dressed everyday put on makeup and try to look nice - ouch... sorry im not hot enough on my own to keep your interest.
And right now, bite me I'm 6 months preggo and I take care of our 2.5 year old all day! Ugh. Men.

 

[Roxie]

i agree with akinesia have you spoken to him about how you are feeling?
he may be scared of hurting you and baby?



my oh was weird with me when i just looked fat lol untill i became really obviously pregnant, but he has a weird obsession with breast milk lol and loves to think of my boobs full of milk, and wont leave them alone. he is really good at propping around pillows to support my bump and knows there are certain positions we cant do or i will get stuck lol(bag back, and big bump) but i dont remmeber him being like this during my first pregnancy

 

[gigglebox]

I'm starting to fear the same thing...our sex life is great, we still have it regularly, but more and more I find I'm the one making the advances. We are incredibly open with talking about our relationship so I may bring this up and see what he says...

It doesn't help that the larger I get the less attractive I'm feeling :/ I dont' know how to dress pregnant-sexy either any suggestions on that one???

Oh, about the porn, don't take it too personally. Pregnancy is temporary and honestly I think it's nice that he is so attracted to your "normal" body

 

[pregnantgurl]

hey i'm sorry to hear that, i'm 15 and heavily pregnant with the whole navel popped out thing going on and my boyfriend doesnt like it either

 

[Jaylynne]

I think I might slap your OH for you!! I havent put makeup on all week lol. I work from home so no one sees me so why waste makeup and time putting it on and make extra dirty laundry? My DH has no problem with this but we haven't been intimate since I wasn't in the mood first tri and now it's uncomfortable/burns a bit second tri. We've had sex 5x since conception lol. We've done 5x in a weekend before pregnancy.

 

[Ventri]

I'm so sorry that's happening to you. Maybe it's more of a subconscious thing with him... perhaps he sees you and the baby as fragile and worries about hurting you during intimate moments and the thought turns him off. I know it's really common for men to worry about that, and it can manifest in different ways. Maybe you could have a talk with him and tell him how you feel, and see if he'll share his own feeling with you. It might just be something simple like that where with a few talks he may respond more appropriately to you.

My own OH is the complete opposite, and seems to have a pregnancy fetish which is almost disturbing, haha. Every day he's telling me how good I'm looking and how much the pregnancy suits me. Or maybe he's just trying to be nice, because honestly I'm a sick bloated mess at this point. I guess every man is different, and reacts differently to changes in our bodies.

Last time he said he didn't feel right about being "up there" with our daughters head as low as it was, which could have been a 100% true feeling for him but he was also getting off elsewhere.

There's one aspect that he favors about me and that's my expanding bra size - he's a total boob man but unless I intentially dress so that I'm falling out of my shirt, which I don't like, he pays me next to no attention... and even when I dress that way he wont mention it he just tries to "steal a peak" when he can. I'm your wife for godssake! I'm wearing this for you!! So frustrating....

 

[lili_angel]

My OH knows how important some sort of intimacy is right now to make me feel wanted & sexy still. But he finds it difficult knowing that there is a life growing inside of me & the demands on my body. We rarely have sex until the other week when for some reason I was the sexiest woman on earth. It showed him what he'd been missing & is a little more affectionate with kisses n cuddles. I'm always asking if I'm still pretty enough for him & his joking way of saying "you'll do I suppose" shows he still loves me even if I have put a bunch of weight on.

I'm insecure about how I look but then I think that if my OH overtly criticised me I'd be pretty mad because as much as I love him, he ain't no oil painting! Lol.

Your hubby needs to understand sometimes being a baby baking oven 24/7 is hard hard work & things are gonna have to give.

Hugs xxx

 

[Ventri]

Thanks for everyone's support!

I asked him one time if he liked or was attracted to my pregnancy body and he patted my leg and said something go the effect of, as long as you feel good about you. Wft kind of response is that? Of course I don't feel good about my self or I wouldn't be asking for a compliment or to see how you really feel. Make me want to cry.

I know everyone has different views about porn and I respect that. But I know how it made me feel when I found out and how I feel whenever he can't perform because he's, tired/anxious/can't get his brain to shut up about whatever it is he thinks about. Its frustrating and hurtful.

And forget being spontaneous! For a man who loves to be naked God forbid I try anything when he is unless we're in bed, the lights are off and he's got it in his head that its time for sex, and its his idea. I get turned down ALMOST everytime I try to initiate so it gets harder and harder to want to try. Again I don't understand that and its probably not somethings to do with me but everything just kind of adds up ya know?? Ugh

 

[pooch]

dh doesn't want to have sex with me anymore because he's freaked out about the baby being in there. i asked if it's because he thinks i look gross and he said no, he even said last night that i'm not fat for being pregnant. he could be lying but who knows. i did see that he was watching porn regularly and i told him it really upset me since i feel so unattractive right now anyway, the last thing i want is for him to be looking at porn stars with their perfect bodies! i try to put on real clothes and do my hair an makeup as much as possible so that i'm not always in my pjs but i work from home and don't leave the house every day. i told him that i need to snuggle this weekend and i'm fine with it not leading to sex, i just need some affection. it's hard but i guess you can try to not take it personally and know that it's not going to last forever?

 

[megrenade]

I'm sorry

my FOB gets really turned on.. probably some kind of "man" thing; but it's not you, so don't ever think it is!

and maybe you should do the same thing.. haha.. look at hot guys and be like, "I wish you looked like that."

 

[April76]

My god, men are strange creatures arent they? My hubby seems to love my pregnant body and my boobs cause they are bigger now. Im worried he will go off me and not like my boobs if they go back to their normal size - he is a bit off a boob man. I used to be borthered about the porn thing but it doesnt bother me now, most men look at porn and i dont feel threatened by it anymore.

 

[BunNtheOven]

wowwww. i would of punched my OH if he said that to me. Ever since i found out i was pregnant our sex life cut dramastically like from everyday to once a week to nothing. Last night he actually woke me up to have sex, the first time in like 3 months. We've fooled around but no sex. Mine NEVER comes at me for sex even before the pregnancy...i always had to like "hint off" that i wanted to. He thinks its "disrespectful" to act like a horndog. It drives me crazy because i've never see a man who wouldnt like come onto girls and it makes me feel like he doesnt want me or not attracted to me.

 

[1stOne]

I don't see what the big deal is with the porn. I don't like it and I think it is gross but if DH does and so long as I don't have to be subjected to it, I could care less. He tells me he loves me, makes me feel beautiful, respects me and that to me is enough. Is the problem the porn or that you aren't getting the attention you deserve?

I think pregnancy is a beautiful thing but I really can't blame DH for not being sexually attracted to my 6 month pregnant body. I have now gained 21 Ibs., have gas and eat like a truck driver. What's sexy about that? He is still affectionate and we giggle and still tell each other we love each other. This will pass but for now sex just seems to be awkward so if he needs to deal with himself on his own, so be it.

 

[Ventri]

I don't want this to be a post about porn and how people feel strongly that its wrong and how some people feel Its no big deal. We are all entitled to our feelings about it. To me I find it incredibly disrespectful and the fact that he told me that go got off on thinking that this beautiful naked women could want him. Sorry I'm not beautiful enough to satisfy that need
Its very personal to me - please don't try to tell me it shouldn't be. Everyone handles it differently. More power to ya if you can look past it. Maybe I'm just old school in my views on it.

Our sex life has never been great so I guess I should've expected the dramatic decline with this pregnancy too. But it still hurts to feel fat and ugly and have your DH Never compliment you and turn down advances.

 

[Akinesia]

I don't want this to be a post about porn and how people feel strongly that its wrong and how some people feel Its no big deal. We are all entitled to our feelings about it. To me I find it incredibly disrespectful and the fact that he told me that go got off on thinking that this beautiful naked women could want him. Sorry I'm not beautiful enough to satisfy that need
Its very personal to me - please don't try to tell me it shouldn't be. Everyone handles it differently. More power to ya if you can look past it. Maybe I'm just old school in my views on it.

Our sex life has never been great so I guess I should've expected the dramatic decline with this pregnancy too. But it still hurts to feel fat and ugly and have your DH Never compliment you and turn down advances.

It makes total sense for you to be feeling this way considering how your DH speaks to you. That comment when you asked him if he's still attracted to you... I think that's just wrong. You are doing him such a service by carrying that baby, the least he could do is compliment you. I'd feel very sad and insecure if that was how my OH was talking to me and treating me. Perhaps couple's therapy might be something for the two of you to help you both cope with these feelings and move past this?

 

[sandilion]

I don't see what the big deal is with the porn. I don't like it and I think it is gross but if DH does and so long as I don't have to be subjected to it, I could care less. He tells me he loves me, makes me feel beautiful, respects me and that to me is enough. Is the problem the porn or that you aren't getting the attention you deserve?

I think pregnancy is a beautiful thing but I really can't blame DH for not being sexually attracted to my 6 month pregnant body. I have now gained 21 Ibs., have gas and eat like a truck driver. What's sexy about that? He is still affectionate and we giggle and still tell each other we love each other. This will pass but for now sex just seems to be awkward so if he needs to deal with himself on his own, so be it.

So well said! The Hubby and i are the same, we still tell each other we love each other, he still tells me i am beautiful and all that but he still watches his porn in his own time to sort himself out, lol! He is worried about having sex and hurting me and/or the baby - he said he wont be able to handle it if something happened to the baby because of sex.... I did tell him last night though that it really is safe as long as he doesn't ram me! He said he really wants to give it a go then, but if there are any signs of blood he is stopping straight away!

As a poster said earlier, i do think the men see us as delicate now that we're carrying their bub and they'd rather take the easy way out with porn than to go through the stress of sleeping with us and wondering if they're hurting the bub.

I will confess - i have been watching some porn myself when he isn't around hahaha. So it would be wrong of me to stop him from doing it. It doesn't mean i don't find him attractive at all either, just sometimes a quick fix is what is needed and just because he is a male doesn't mean he is instantly wanting those women over me at all. Women are just as capable of cheating and all that like men are.

 

[Mon_n_john]

Gee that is terrible. I think counseling is a good idea. This seems to really bother you so it should be addressed.