Husband is the broody one!

[Racheldigger]

Is there anybody else here whose OH is the one who's keen for a baby? Everyone else seems to be saying "oh, I want a baby now, I want lots of babies all now, but I can't persuade my OH to have any!"

Having the baby we've already got was OH's idea in the first place, which he suddenly came up with when he heard the last strokes of my biological clock, and I thought long and hard before I agreed. Now he's desperate for another... well, in fact, he's been broody since this one was about six months old, and now she's starting to walk, he won't shut up about it. Bless him, he loves her so much: he was the one who did the instant bonding, when he was holding her all the time I was being stitched.

OH's thoughts are as follows:

Rowan needs a sibling if she's to grow up well-adjusted
Rowan is lovely and he wants another one
I shall be forty-three next week and time is running out


My thoughts are as follows:

I hated every day of being pregnant
Rowan's birth (emergency forceps delivery) was quite scary enough
I love my job, and don't want to mess my employers about with another lot of maternity leave so soon
I shall be forty-three next week and my chances of conceiving a normal baby are slim (we had already aborted a Downs Syndrome-affected foetus before conceiving Rowan, and I don't want to go through that ever again)
Rowan's childcare is already taking a third of my wages, and that's with childcare vouchers and Grandma helping out: we couldn't inflict two very small children on Grandma on such a regular basis, and the extra costs this is going to generate will make it hardly worth my working at all
OH's job is very demanding, and muggins here gets to do almost all the housework and baby-tending on top of her own job
Rowan is so lovely - beautiful, bright and ridiculously sweet-natured and easy-going - that I can't imagine we'd ever get another one like her: any other baby we had is unlikely to come up to her standard, and would suffer from being compared to her (I was a sweet, sunny baby and my little brother was a whinger, and I know he had a rough time from being compared to me)

Anyone any encouraging thoughts?

 

[libbymarks198]

wow you aborted a downs baby that is a big choice to make i would never do that personally as my brother has downs and he is about as normal as anyone i have ever met..

your list of not wanting one is a hell of a lot bigger than his list of wanting one, so i would say go with your list.. you would most likely have to give up work as childcare will be expensive as well as more clothing food nappies formula etc, also children are sick all the time with 2 childrne that is double the sickness so you would have a lot of time off for sick days when you yourself are not even sick...

i think it would be easier to parent 2 children rather than 1 as they help entertain each other but it does cost a lot more and no the next child will not be like your daughter all children are different and have differerent personalities traits some learn faster some learn slower.

also downs syndrome is not the only probelm you can have when having a child at your age there is developmental delays, stages of autisum and so much more so if you could not handle a downs child i am sure you would sturggle with an autistc child and you will not know they have that untill they are around 2 and that is a bit late to get rid of a child then..

make a list pros and cons and see what the most is, but consider your partners feelings because sometimes this can lead to the end of a relationship or he could be very unhappy.


sorry if i sounded bitchy but i just have very different views to you, each to their own though

 

[Fliss]

I am the broody one in our relationship, and I'm only 27, but if you feel that strongly then you should talk to him.

I sympathise so much with your decision TOP - DH and I have talked about it, and we both know we couldn't cope with a Downs baby, we've seen the devastating impact it can have (OH's cousin lost her son at age 2, having never left the hospital) so I can more than understand.

Having a baby is a massive impact, both physical and emotional, and while it is lovely that you have such a broody hubby, I can imagine the pressure on you is exactly what my DH must be experiencing from ME - and so love to you both.

Don't do something like that JUST to keep him happy - but if you want your LO to have a sibling, perhaps consider it, maybe with some form of counselling?

 

[HippieJess]

I'm so sorry to hear of all the troubles you had in order to have a LO.
DH is the broodier one in our relationship. He figures let's just try and see what happens, but I'm a planner & a worrier.
I have to agree with the previous poster, sit down with your OH & make a list of the pros & cons of another baby. Maybe he doesn't realize how difficult it was for you the last time.
Good luck!

 

[ravenmel]

Some people are so rude,I think the saying if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all applies here. She didn't ask opinions on her decision to aborted but about her broody OH.

Talk to your OH about it and just explain that you're not ready for another baby soo soon maybe in a few years you'll think differently and if not you have a healthy happy child already.

 

[Racheldigger]

Thanks for jumping in to defend me, Ravenmel, but I'm not offended, really: Libbymarks wasn't being rude, just forthright! I'm determined that OH and I are going to sit down with a piece of paper (and possibly a calculator) very soon and thrash this out - he's mentioned giving up his job and becoming a househusband this last couple of days, and that would throw a new light on everything, but would require us to do some very stringent sums indeed!

 

[Vickie]

per forum policy and TOS

While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations.

To the OP you might want to consider reposting this without the mention of abortion

thread closed