Husband let's LO watch TV constantly! Please help!

[Larkspur]

I just wish he could freaking enjoy her without the damn TV on- why should she have to constantly fight for attention?

Have you said these words to him, and asked him in a non-judgmental way why he doesn't enjoy engaging with her without distraction?

 

[CarliCareBear]

I wish there was such a thing as a "non-judgemental" way to tell him, one of his worst qualities is that he's extremely defensive. I do encourage him to take her on errands which he does but all the rest of the time she's plopped in front of the tv.

I guess I've never directly said she has to fight for attention... I just wish he could see what I see. Everytime I even so much as mention it he gets pissed off at me and it starts a fight.

 

[Larkspur]

I wish there was such a thing as a "non-judgemental" way to tell him, one of his worst qualities is that he's extremely defensive. I do encourage him to take her on errands which he does but all the rest of the time she's plopped in front of the tv.

I guess I've never directly said she has to fight for attention... I just wish he could see what I see. Everytime I even so much as mention it he gets pissed off at me and it starts a fight.

I believe there can be a non-judgemental way to do it, though I know it can be really hard, especially when you're cheesed off.

Finding the right way starts in your own head, asking the question: "Why does he find it hard to enjoy our baby without distraction?" There could be a lot of answers to that question. Maybe he has a super-short attention span (too much TV as a kid? ) and finds more than 10 minutes of intensive concentration too much. Maybe he feels idiotic playing games or reading books with LO because it's 'unmanly' in front of the flatmate. Maybe he has ideas about parenting that are very firmly rooted in the idea that fathers are 'hands off' and mothers are 'hands on'. Maybe he is scared of ever admitting being wrong about something because he grew up being told that when he 'failed' he was less lovable. That's one that brings out defensiveness big-time for quite a few people. Maybe he absolutely genuinely doesn't see the harm in it - a lot of people subscribe to the "I grew up with TV and I'm fine" without really being able to objectively evaluate the effects it might have had on them.

Once you have it in your head that there are possible answers to that question that aren't just "He can't be bothered" or "He's too pig-headed to listen to sense", then you're ready to ask him in a non-judgemental way why he's struggling with spending TV-free time with your daughter. And you have to really listen to the answer and then try to solve the problem based on the ACTUAL answer he gives, and not on the idea "Well, he SHOULD feel this way/do it the way I want him to do it." Maybe that means you have to accept that he will never look after your daughter without the TV on. In that case, you have to decide whether it's more important to you that you get some break time, or that she doesn't get plopped in front of the TV, much as that is an unpleasant decision for you to have to make.

I find defensiveness is always a means of covering up fear. I suspect his fear is that he doesn't know how to be a hands-on father to a daughter so he defaults to using the TV as a babysitter. Ironically, it's the deflecting of responsibility that makes him the bad parent. Fears tend to work that way though - unless you can acknowledge them and deal with them, they turn you into the thing you don't want to be.

 

[greats]

I keep the tv on all the time b/c I like the background noise it gives, otherwise it's just too quiet in my apartment when it's just LO and I during the day. Sometimes she'll glance at it, but to her they're just moving objects w/ sounds, she has no idea what's going on. Plus when she's older to understand what tv is, I plan on limiting her tv time to just a half hour a day, the rest will be interactive things like playing outside, reading, crafts, etc. So long as you're not purposely putting baby in front of the tv 24/7 because you don't want to interact then it's fine once in a while. That being said, you really need to speak your mind to your OH about this, if he gets defensive then obviously it's b/c he's in the wrong.

 

[mommy0629]

I think the whole no screen time for babies is inflamed to be honest and I let my lo watch TV (she got really excited watching women's college gymnastics with me and my mom last night lol). I think the key though is that you don't want it to replace interaction time.

OP - I totally see where your coming from with your OH paying more attention to the TV than lo, but I doubt you'll win the battle of getting him actually turn the TV off (my DH wouldn't, our TV is ALWAYS on) but he can still play with and pay attention to lo while the TV is on in the background, it's not going to hurt your lo. I say pick your battles, ya know? Maybe bring up to him that you think he should interact with lo more or even make suggestions or pick up a cool toy the OH would like to play with lo with, if the TV is on in the background, don't worry about it. Focus on the interaction they're having and forget about the TV.

 

[bbbonbon]

We started turning on cartoons for a few minutes to our baby at about 3.3 years old

 

[noranoler]

My baby is 5 and he only watches cartoons for 20 minutes a day. I think it is quite normal and no longer needed. For example, I spend a lot of time in front of the TV or computer, since this is my job. I recently learned very useful information on https://www.firеstickhow.com/unhide-developer-options-on-firestick.html . If you want to download third-party programs to your Firestick, you can do it.