Husband not bought anything for baby-anyone else?

[SisterRose]

My oh is the same. He is a bit more interested now, more so than he was in my first pregnancy when he just wasn't bothered at all!

he has never bought anything for any of our babies, but ive never really put much thought in to that as i expected most men to be the same. I have done all of the shopping for our babies and chosen all of their outfits, toys and nursery items. I think men take a more practical approach to buying baby things, and are probably more confused to why babies actually need that many outfits etc

 

[jhughes0709]

With our first I drug my hubby everywhere with me and he was along for every purchase. But with our 2nd we didn't really have to buy anything. My hubby has never talked to my belly with any of our boys. He thinks the kicks are a little freaky LOL he will feel for kicks but just b/c I tell him to. Some men just are not all into the pregnancy thing. I mean my hubby is excited and talks about how much fun another little boy will be, but he says that it hasnt' really 'hit' him yet that we are having another kid. And honesty I prefer to do the shopping alone. I can get exactly what I want. I have gotten pretty much everything myself this time around. Have you told him that it bothers you?

 

[squirrel.]

Like many ladies, my husband doesn't really get involved in the pregnancy. He is an amazing dad too and is wonderful with our two-year-old son. I work full time and my husband is home with our son during the day (and works most nights as a musician). He's brilliant with him and they have a wonderful relationship, but he's not too interested when I'm pregnant. Our son was a surprise, so that was a difficult pregnancy for my husband to emotionally get his head round. This time the baby was planned and he's really excited about having a little daughter, but he's still not into the pregnancy. He never offers to feel movements, very rarely touches my bump and never talks to the baby. He's lovely with me though and will drive me to work and pick me up to stop me from walking, he doesn't want me straining or carrying heavy things and he'll pop to the shop when I suddenly crave something. As I said, he's wonderful, but still not that into the baby and doesn't ever talk about her arriving. I know when she's here he'll be smitten - though he won't truly know what to do with her until she's old enough to play. He felt a bit lost with our son, as in the beginning with me breastfeeding, he couldn't console our son when he cried and the tiny baby sleeping in his arms wasn't as fun for him as it was for me I couldn't get enough! As our son grew though, he became so much more 'into' our son... if that makes sense? He always loved him dearly and is a wonderful father, but he enjoys our son so much more now he's older.

As for buying things; not only does my husband never come shopping or look online with me, but I've bought everything myself too with my money. He is very appreciative of that, as working as a musician isn't terribly lucrative. My salary is good, so I don't mind buying things and this way I don't have to compromise and buy the things I want. Last pregnancy we'd taken a year out from work to go travelling when we found out we were pregnant, so everything was bought on a budget from my husband's savings. As a result, I had to compromise on everything I wanted for the baby and everything we bought became a huge argument over whether we needed it. It was a stressful time (made worse by pregnancy emotions), so this is a much nicer alternative

 

[Pixie19]

My OH was more 'involved' in our first pregnancy than this one. He used to read to my bump, felt him kicking all the time, helped pick clothes out, re-arranged the bedroom with me before 30 weeks etc.
This time he's not too bothered, i think its a case of 'been there done that'
Hes a great dad though so it doesn't bother me, its harder for a man to bond, i guess id feel weird about someone elses big tummy.
Me and my sister were pregnant at the same time last time and it felt so strange feeling her baby kick. It actually freaked me out a bit, even though i was pregnant too and experiencing kicks etc

 

[toffee87]

My husband hasn't gone and bought something himself, but he does go with me to get stuff. I'm happy to take the lead ;-)

I've never thought of this as an issue, I would of thought most men are the same.

 

[Amalee]

FTM here. DH has been super excited about kicks and is constantly feeling my stomach and asking about the pregnancy - but it's our first, so I'm sure that's part of it. He hates going shopping for baby stuff, I have to drag him along when I think it's important that he's part of it (for instance, wanted to make sure we both liked the "going home" outfits, wanted to make sure the stroller was comfortable for both of us) and he doesn't often talk to the baby without me asking him to. He always says that the baby hears him when he talks to me. I think it's partly just that it's kind of hard to decide what to say to a stomach Especially with an audience! At least I get to talk to baby privately, but I can't really leave DH alone with my tummy.

 

[Rickles]

The only time OH buys anything for our DD is when he is away in business and I ask him to bring her a surprise cos she misses him all week... Given what he has produced - I am delighted he leaves me to buy everything else!! This baby I have his card and blessing - he just can't visualise - needs a baby in front of him!! xx

 

[slowpoke22]

First of all, dh is a great dad already but this is upsetting me:
Our baby was planned, but he doesn't seem all that interested. Yes he came with me to scans, but he doesn't talk to the bump, hasn't bought anything, doesn't show interest when I tell this weeks baby development from my app, and rarely wants to feel for kicks. He works a demanding job and does long hours. He says this is why he hasn't bought anything-that he just hadn't had time to look for baby things.

Not sure if it's because it's not our first baby? he did those things previous preg.

He just gave me his card and told me to choose everything, which I did, but feel sad he's not bought anything he chose himself. It makes me feel a bit alone it this pregnancy

Has your other half bought anything for baby or not?

This is our second, and hubs was like this. They dont have the same experience we do and its totally normal. The moment he saw his daughter born he was in love. Besotted. And this time round he's not too connected to the pregnancy, but thats okay cos I know hes excited

 

[purplerat]

My oh has bought one set of baby grows this time but that's it. He's been to all scans but is also not that interested in talking to bump/ feeling baby or weekly progress. It's also our third, though first girl. I think it's just men can't connect until the baby is actually here. It's not bothering me that much really, but I wish he'd want to feel baby a bit more. X

 

[RcdM]

With our first I had to drag my dd to babies r us so we could do our registry and he complained the whole way there. But then they gave him the scanner thing and he went crazy and even admitted it was fun LOL. He doesn't buy stuff really now, he leaves that to me because he doesn't have a fashionable bone in his body. And I'm fine with that lol because I get to do things how I want. Sometimes I ask his input and I'm always interested in what he thinks but his response is usually, sure, whatever you think.

I agree with everyone else though. It's very real for us because we're carrying the baby and our lives and bodies changed the moment we found out we were pregnant. Even if he's been through this before, for them, all they get is being told you're pregnant. They don't feel the morning sickness, they don't have the heartburn, they don't feel the baby kick, they're just bystanders waiting for the day the baby is born for it to actually be real. And since this isn't his first, maybe it's not quite as exciting. That's kind of how it's been for us. Not that the baby won't be loved but it's all the preparation that doesn't seem as overly urgent as it may have felt the first time. I know this time while pregnant with #2, it's a boy this time so we do need some new stuff, but I literally just bought the first few outfits a few days ago. Up until then we had done absolutely 0. A big reason is just because being pregnant and having a toddler, it's hard to even find time to think about the pregnancy let alone go shopping and get stuff done. So maybe he just feels like he knows the deal and feels prepared already.

 

[xnewxmummyx]

My OH has bought a few items home like vests, an outfit and a bouncer. He should it's half his child in my eyes. The bit that upsets me is, he shows no interest in bump. Doesn't feel kicks, doesn't rub bump, doesn't ask how many weeks etc. When I see blokes rubbing bumps or even expectant partners backs, it upsets me.

X

 

[lilmonkey86]

My DH bought stuff (sleepers etc.) before we were pregnant but has bought nothing since becoming pregnant... go figure! I had my baby shower last weekend and got pretty much everything we need so it's ok, he came with me to the store to do our registry but i found him more of a hassle than help as he was just rushing me along trying to get me out of the store. Although as of about 2 weeks ago he has started nesting he has been cleaning like a mad man, doing laundry while i am at work, scrubbing the babies room, washing all the clothes, and putting together everything. I always thought it was us who were supposed to nest not our men but apparently he is the one in our relationship with that symptom lol.

 

[cupcaker]

Ohhhhh this post couldn't have been seen on a worse day!

With my son, he was useless with buying anything. He was happy for it all to "happen around him" ....even though he was happy and excited and the baby was planned. He was happy for new items to "appear" from nowhere. Positive element of this was I could have the nursery etc exactly to how I wanted (colours, themes etc) without having to discuss and compromise with anyone but I was very pissed off that he had no gumption to go and pick and buy a few items to even "show willing".

I am expecting another baby in September and the same has applied. Merrily letting things appear around him....no items bought just to show willing.

Today has NOT been a good day though. I came home to see some kind of new massive hi-fi system in the livingroom. I'm pretty disgusted. He seems to think I am mad over the size of it, and is trying to sweet talk me about room arrangements etc, rather than seeing the underlieing issue of it being a selfish purchase at a time where money would be better spent elsewhere. He seems to think that because he recently sold an item, a playstation (!), that it's just like for like money buying this hi-fi thing. What I would have given for him to say lets spend this money on something new for the baby, or even for our son. I honestly don't think our brains are wired the same way. He's literally just sold an item and immediately found something else for himself to buy with the money (and im sure it will have been more expensive than what he made on the sale too)

 

[mrsc81]

Seems normal to me My DH doesn't buy anything for anyone anyway, that's the things that I do, and I like to have the things I want

 

[gemstone]

My df hasn't been out & bought anything alone for baby. But he gives me all his wages every week. We share all our wages together. But we go & by baby stuff together. He talks to baby & blows raspberries on her lol.
He is an amazing daddy.
He works all the hrs god sends & still comes home, cleans help get kids sorted & shaves my legs & lady bits lol. Could ask for a better man xxx

 

[Damita]

Nah I did it all the first time and this time I just got what we needed - he's only ever brought a few bits like toys and clothes but normally leaves it to me and I just show pictures if I like something

But he is a fab daddy so good with lil playing with her & doing the bath/bed routine when he gets home, take her out Saturday mornings so I have a break and with bump he's always talking to him/her, feeling kicks so I don't care that he hasn't brought anything

 

[shmunster]

My hubby hasn't bought anything for the baby, I don't think it would even occur to him. He pretty much just agrees with whatever I want in regards to the room etc. this is our 2nd but he was the same with our first
I know hes excited but guys really don't show it like we do lol
He doesn't really touch my bump unless I saw here she's kicking, but I think that's cos he's a bit scared of the moody pregnant lady!

 

[Ely]

My husband never bought anything for our babies I'm pretty sure... Altough he loves them so much ! He's just not into shopping at all. He believes I will do it just fine while he wouldn't really know what to buy.

He doesn't even go shopping for himself Aside from that, he's a great dad and will spend hours taking care of our kids, reading to them... So I guess shopping isn't important.

 

[Enasy]

my other half has been to every single appointment with me and taken me shopping etc but hasnt paid for anything. I have paid for every single thing so far. it does get to me but i suppose you cant have everything

 

[Joeyzgirl]

I'm 36 weeks and my DH just bought the first thing last night. A tiny pair of booties that our big baby probably won't fit... He has shown minimal interest in any of the things i have bought, but since it's a boy this time he did pick out the diaper bag but I had to actually get it, had to make him look at them and settle on one. Even though they know and can feel the baby after a certain point it isn't the all day movement feeling, thinking, obsesssing, and worrying we do