Husband not understanding my tiredness

[Okela]

Hi ladies,

Little background story: I suffer from fibromyalgia. It's a non-desctructive form of rheumatism that causes pain, makes one tired very quickly, plus a dozen other issues. I was diagnosed last year after breaking down physically, spent months on recovering and learning how to deal with my body not working as it's supposed to. My husband has been wonderful during those months, really living up to the 'for better and for worse' part.

But now we have a new situation: I am now more or less 13 weeks pregnant with my second (his first) child and I have had every pregnancy symptom in the book, including extreme fatigue. It's been though, but using what I've learned last year I'm actually coping pretty well. Now here comes the irritating part: my husband obviously does not understand that me being tired is related to my pregnancy, rather than my illness. He accuses me of not taking enough care of myself. In his mind, me being tired only happens when I don't rest enough and eat the wrong things (too much sugar and carbohydrates are my main culprits), so naturally I must be doing something wrong.

He means well, I know he only wants to take care of me, but I can't seem to be able to explain to him that being tired is also part of being pregnant. With my first, my fatigue was way worse than it is now. I do take care of myself, and it's not that weird to want to go to bed early when you're pregnant right? It's not like I'm not able to do anything on a day-to-day basis.

Ugh, sorry for my rant ladies! If anyone has any ideas on how to explain this better to my husband, you are more than welcome to share them with me!

 

[Snufkin]

Hit him with hard science! Find an article that explains how our bodies have to work extra hard because we're pumping more blood (is it 40-50% more? Can't remember exactly) and how that means we get out of breath easier and feel tired much more quickly.

 

[Button#]

Definitely not weird to want to go to bed early. At the moment I'm ready to go back to bed about an hour after I get up in the morning! I agree you need to find him an article about pregnancy fatigue.

 

[StillPraying]

If I could take a nap 3x a day I'd still want to go to bed by 900 if not as soon as DD goes to bed!

 

[tulip1975]

It do feel you, and he's not being very fair.

However, you may want to look at your diet and see if you can limit your carbs to vegetables and fruits and add lots of healthy fats and moderate protein. My mom had fibromyalgia for years, and she was miserable. She never would change her diet, though. It was hard to eat right when she was in pain.

 

[Okela]

It do feel you, and he's not being very fair.

However, you may want to look at your diet and see if you can limit your carbs to vegetables and fruits and add lots of healthy fats and moderate protein. My mom had fibromyalgia for years, and she was miserable. She never would change her diet, though. It was hard to eat right when she was in pain.

I have actually comple5ely transitioned to eating Paleo, we got a dog so I would get enough exercise, I take care not to do too much on a daily basis. I think I've actually done all I can to lessen the symptoms and before the pregnancy I was doing really well! Just right now I want to sleep as much as I can.

Hubs is being weird overall the past two weeks. He at one point mentioned it not being fair if he has to do all the daily chores (bring and pick up the lo from and to daycare, walk the dog, cook, etc) and work fulltime. When I asked him how that differed from me doing exactly the same (I work fulltime as a freelancer) he didn't know what to say. Just tonight he got grumpy at me for being emotional. What the heck is going on?? I'm starting to dread he's not happy with me being pregnant and that scares me

 

[Ummi2boyz]

It's his first baby so he probably has no clue at all at what 's going on. And because he doesn't understand it and can't fix it, he's grumpy and being weird. He would need a bit more education about pregnancy. There's a good book especially aimed at men about pregnancy, but I can't remember what's it called.
Of course your illness is not helping the symptoms of pregnancy (or the other way round ?).

I'm always tired, So hard to get up in the morning, I need a nap in the afternoon (would need one in the morning too!) and I could go to bed at 9 too.

Hope you feel better soon and your oh understands things better

 

[Lisa2701]

Hi Okela, I too have fibromyalgia as well as M.E. Among other things. I am only 4 weeks pregnant so no idea how my body is going to react. Like you my hubby is generally understanding but does have days where he makes me feel bad for being the way I am. Despite being thrilled about the pregnancy He is incredibly stressed about how I am going to cope physically, especially as we have a son with autism, 2 dogs and just 2 weeks ago bought a puppy (we started TTC 5 years ago but took 2 years out and only recently started TTC again so didn't expect to fall pregnant so soon) !! I have my M.E. Specialist tomorrow so going to speak to her about the pregnancy.

I agree with others about getting a book or something that explains pregnancy. My friends husband has one which is really good for dads to be. Explains week by week what he can expect to be happening to the mother, what's happening to the baby and what to and not to do/say. I'll ask her the name of the book if you like?

 

[Rickles]

Does he have any guy friends who might be able to give him the heads up / a bit of a talk?

My OH and I are are a bit older so when we had DD - all his friends were "done" and had 2/3 kids each. It was great for me as they all warned him about the hormones / lack of sex(!) / sleep and just generally made him very sensitive to what I was feeling...

He's still a bit hopeless with our DD but I can see the other Dads trying to give him pointers - one even calls him pretty regularly to say lets take our kids to the park/pub and give the Mums a break (Yep I love him)... The wives chip in too (constructively) to remind him how he could help...

Anyway it has been useful because I know if I'd been saying it to him it would have been water off a duck's back... I told him I was sick in July, he kind of ignored me and had a work trip so went - I ended up being admitted to hospital and my Mum dragged him to the hospital to see the state I was in.

He honestly doesn't mean it in an uncaring way - he is just thinks I am a little too super human and I'm rubbish at admitting I need help so it's a bit of a weakness in our relationship that we're working on!

 

[laura109]

I suffered with it till 17 weeks. It was the worst side effect i had. I felt sick and weak but luckily i never vomited except once.

the tiredness left me on the sofa for weeks. Several naps a day and housework left. Id be exhausted washing up. I ate rubbish cus it gave me energy quick.it will pass but id show him some online symptoms and tell him thousands of women suffer in the first trimester. Till the placenta takes over alot of women suffer.

 

[mayacat]

Mine blames crappy diet entirely on me being bloated, nauseous and tired. I know I haven't been eating well and he may be partly right, but he thinks force-feeding me salad will cure it completely.

It seems to be a running pattern with husbands... Hopefully with a bit of education yours will understand.

 

[Ummi2boyz]

Eating tomatoes makes me feel sick. Even when you eat healthy stuff doesn't mean you're not gonna be ill. And tiredness you just can't help it.

 

[laura109]

Men are so lucky they can carry on with there everyday lives. Yes there under pressure to provide money but they get the best bits. Where the ones who suffer sickness tiredness and our bodies going mad. Our sense of smell changing. Our taste buds changing. If they think we enjoy laying down all day and nibbling dry snacks to stop us feeling sick there wrong. Id much rather have the energy to blitz my house than lie in a mess.

I cant speak for everyone but, going out can be exhausting. Getting ready and walking can be draining. The fear of being sick whilst out or going faint. Being hungry or bursting for a wee and not being near a toilet or home. The indegestion is no fun either.

on top of that our clothes dont fit. We are changing shape. Getting aches, pains and stretch marks. We are putting weight on our thighs and breasts. We worry about our diet and what where eating. How much excercise where getting. Will we get into shape after. Will it change us forever.

Then theres the fears of labour. Will we cope. Will we struggle. Will it be a long labour. Will the hospital staff be nice and reassuring. Will we be prepared. Will we poop in labour. Will we tear or need forveps.Will we be able to shave our bits and pieces before we go in. Will our husbands find us attractive after. Will we be incontinent. Will we be able to ever wear a dress or bikini again. Will we get back in shape.

most of all where terrified about our babies everyday. We want them to be healthy. We worry about mc and still birth etc.

How dare any man tell us we are not eating well when we are coping with all this happening in our bodies. Not theres. Yes they have pressures too. But there bodies dont change. They get to hold our hand whilst we suffer and get the beautiful baby to cuddle after weve spent 9 months growing them.

lol sorry about the essay xx

 

[mayacat]

At least in my case there's a Dr appointment today that he's coming to. He is right, I haven't been eating right, but it's hard when you feel gassy/bloated/nauseous and don't feel like eating anything, even junk food. I just don't think it's going to make as big of a difference as he thinks. Lots of invasive stuff today so maybe mine will get an education, lol.