Husband says no Mom in delivery room.

[Bonnie11]

Glad you guys managed to come to an agreement that you are both happy with.
I am having OH and my best friend there. She has been like a sister to me for the past 20 years and has had 2 kids herself so she knows what I'm going through, plus my mum is disabled and is not able to be there. My oh is happy with it as they both get on great and he is kind of nervous about the birth anyway as he hates hospitals and blood so I think it takes the pressure off him if he needs to go outside and have a break for a bit.
However! That decision was made with both of us, and if he had been against it I would have respected his decision. This is just as much his baby as mine, no matter who it comes out of, and I wouldn't like him putting pressure on me to have someone I didn't want there.
Glad you guys managed to come to an agreement, it sounds fair all round.

 

[krysb]

There is plenty for two people to do. When my wife gave birth to my first son she definitely trusted me to be supportive. Her labor wasn't even abnormally long at 18 hours but we were both happy to have her good friend (who is also a doula) there. She had a tough natural labor and delivery and her friend offered extra support and could also be more of a firm voice while I was there to support her emotionally. When I give birth in about 10ish weeks I am similarly hoping to have a friend there.

 

[krysb]

*update*
Talked with the hubby and we came to an agreement.
We have decided that throughout the labour my mother will be there but when it comes to the actual delivery we will ask my mom to leave. That way I get the support that I need and he feels that he still gets that first family moment with our baby alone.
All and all I think this is a super fair agreement and we are both happy.

Just wondering....what if you push for 3+ hours? Will mom be there for support during second stage and leave as the baby is crowning, or is she expected to leave during the pushing? This is when my wife felt it was most useful to have 2 of us there as support people because of some of the positions (like supported squatting) she felt most comfortable in. It took her well over 3 hours to push out our son.

 

[Viola Payne]

As someone who had a very difficult and traumatic first birth without my mother present I can definitely say that I'm planning on having her there this time. No offence to any men out there but this is women's business, men will never understand what it's like to give birth. Until a few hundred years ago men never went in the delivery room, historically it was always women helping each other. It's about what makes you most comfortable.

 

[smallpeanut]

I was so out of it I didn't know who was in the room. Personally, I wanted it to just be me oh and our new baby. WE were the family. It was lovely (from what I can remember) and my mum got first cuddle the next morning in hospital.

I love my mum but it was our baby which IMO should be about the actual family unit. I got more than enough support from my oh and the midwives.

If I was your oh, I'd be pissed you hadn't spoken to me first. I'd have approached the situation openly and honestly. It is your ultimate choice but it's also your mans first moment with his son or daughter x

 

[archangel24]

I have a similar situation with my DH and Mom. Dh will have to just understand that it is what makes me comfortable. I respect his feelings and i have told her that i want My husband to be the "first in command" after me but when times get tough and labour goes for a long time, the more people who love you on your team the better

 

[Louise88]

I remember having the same disagreement with my oh I wanted my mum with me when I have birth and my oh just wanted it to be me and him he also mentioned why should my mum get to see the birth of her first grandchild and his mum miss out which made sense to me. Both our mums just sat in the waiting room while I gave birth and the midwives were very nice in letting them both come see Ciara after around 30mins after birth.

 

[amygwen]

If my OH would've told me that my mom couldn't be there during the delivery/birthing process, I would've laughed in his face. IMO, I don't think it's the man's decision, I think it should be up to the woman who she wants in there, SHE is the one pushing the baby out. Yes, it is his child.. but I think for everything we have to put up with for 9 months, having who we want in the delivery room shouldn't even be questioned. My OH, my mom and dad were in the delivery room with me. We had LO late in the evening (6PM) and visiting hours were over at 9PM, so by the time LO was done in the nursery and brought back to us, my parents had already left and it was just OH and I. It would've been nice to have the extra hands though.

I'm glad you came up with an agreement with your DH. Hopefully it works out positively for the both of you.

 

[archangel24]

That's a good point you bring up about my DH mom... I actually hadn't considered the double standard. That being said, i have to agree that after 9 months of being pregnant i get the last say on who is in the delivery room for sure

 

[ready4family]

My DH and I definitely want it to be just us when I deliver. He doesn't want my mom in there either LOL. What I think is maybe have my mom on standby if I need her to come in when in labor etc, but I plan on it just being him and I.

 

[Veryv]

A little selfish imo, yes he can "learn" to share the moment with your mother but why should he have to? Like another poster said that is his bonding moment with his baby and how would you feel if he wanted his mother in there? Or someone else that you really didn't know well? (since you stated your mother was recently involved in your lives). There are two people who should be in the room (you and your husband) aside from that it needs to be a mutually agreed upon decision. Taking the stance of "I carried the baby for 9 months its my decision" sounds a little bit like birth-zilla!

On a side note I do not live close to my mother or family, and did not want OH's mother in the room. The entire pregnancy she said she was coming in anyways. When it came down to it I didn't care that she was in the room and allowed her to be there until the pushing stage (when thanks to my birth plan which said OH only) they ushered her out until a few minutes after DD was born. It all worked out fine. If you need her for support keep her until you push, let OH and baby bond and then have her come back in.

 

[archangel24]

Bonding would be most definitely just daddy, mommy and baby time

 

[krys]

You're the one in labor, you should have all the support you want! I think it's awesome that she's a doula and she would know how to support you and comfort you, as well as getting to share the experience with her daughter. Your husband needs to be considerate and remember he isn't the one pushing a child out of his vagina. That's a pretty intense experience, you're doing the hard part. Once the baby is here she can go wait with the others and give you and hubby bonding time, OR even better, she can take lots of pictures of that amazing first bonding time. I wish I had more pictures of our first moments with our girl.

 

[Guppy051708]

deleted.

 

[want2bemommy]

What about mom there during labor but not delivery?

 

[archangel24]

I could see how that is a good compromise. Mom in Labor but not delivery.