Husband wants to let baby cry

[redneckhippy]

My son is 6 months old and has never done well with being put down, but lately has been especially fussy. He's working on crawling plus we just moved so I think that's a lot of why. I've been really overwhelmed. When I express this to my husband he says its my own fault for coddling him & I need to let him cry because he's learned he can just cry and be picked up. I can't stand to let him cry and I don't think he is trying to manipulate, I think he just is in a phase and still needs reassurance. I'm already overwhelmed and it makes me feel worse to be told I'm dealing with it wrong.

 

[justplay91]

First of all, know that his fussiness is not your fault! At six months, they don't cry to manipulate, they cry because they are frustrated or have a need of some sort. My son went through a very whiny phase when he was trying to learn to crawl as well. He wanted so badly to be mobile, and it frustrated him so much that he couldn't. It got so much better when he finally did learn. Sounds like you're doing a great job! I would keep doing all you can do to reassure him when he cries, and just wait for the fussy phase to pass.

 

[justmeinlove]

He's six months old! He's not being manipulative, he wants something. Silly husband, not silly you.

 

[MindUtopia]

Hang in there. I think everyone who takes this approach to parenting goes through these phases of doubts. It's normal because our society (and well-meaning people) tell us what we're doing is wrong. But know it's a phase and that all the work you're doing now is a front-loaded investment. It will be harder now, but it means you can relax and enjoy your little one later when they are a toddler and all your friends are struggling with behavioural issues or really clingy, insecure toddlers because they didn't develop the kind of bond you did. I found that the first 11 months to be really tough. Then we cleared through the separation anxiety phase (which is normal for all babies, but can be more intense for ones who are actually securely attached) and the crawling/cruising phase and the teething which made sleep rough and out the other end popped a really outgoing, confident, affectionate toddler. I feel like I struggle so much less than other mums I know with behaviour now because I have a kid who really trusts and listens to me. She's polite. She's nurturing and affectionate. She's really kind. She trusts people. And she's also not the least bit clingy. I see a real difference in her compared to other kids who were parented more 'traditionally'. I really do believe it's because we put in so much effort with her when she was small. She's 2.5 now. It was hard. But I am now getting a lot for that investment so it was really worth it.

 

[Bevziibubble]

You're not doing anything wrong at all. Baby just wants mummy and isn't manipulating or spoilt at this age. My DH was the same and listening to his family too much who kept saying LO would be clingy and spoilt and she was manipulating us. I said there wasn't a chance we were leaving her to cry. About a year later he said he could totally see my way of doing things and how well she had turned out, and thanked me for not giving into leaving her to cry!

 

[minties]

My OH was like this when Thomas was a baby. I asked him, would you ignore ME if I were crying? He looked confused and said of course he wouldn't. So I smiled smugly and said, well why would you leave a baby to cry then?

That seemed to help him to understand. You don't leave those you love to cry.

 

[gingmg]

I am so sorry. I know how stressful it can be when you don't always have the same parenting perspectives as your spouse. I do believe with every ounce of my being we are doing the right thing by not letting them cry. I am still in the thick of it with a horrible sleeper but I am trusting that what MindUtopia has said is true and that some day this will become crystal clear that we have chosen the right path for them. My son was also SUPER whiny until he properly was able to move. Now he doesn't stop and we no longer have a baby that needs to be held all the time. To be honest, I kind of miss it.

I work nights 3 nights a week and there were many months I was beyond petrified that my spouse was going to advocate for CIO or CC- and there were times that she did, but as her attachment to our son grows, as the months march out, she is starting to now feel how I do about sleep training. So I completely sympathize with your struggle and fear. Can you find some good articles for your husband to read about why you care for your son the way you do and how that has been proven to be beneficial? It sounds like you are doing a great job!! I hope your husband comes around, I know how awful it feels to feel like you are standing on two different sides of a parenting fence. It got better for us, I hope it does for you too.