I’m trying my best :(

Discussion in 'Postnatal Support' started by FinallyBFP, Jul 5, 2019.

  1. FinallyBFP

    FinallyBFP Well-Known Member

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    Some may view this as a pity party but honestly feeling so upset. Bit of background story I TTC for 7years had 3 miscarriages 1 failed IVF then a successful one! Baby is now 1 month old after a traumatic birth and horrible midwife, a vagina that should of had stitches but the midwife didn't do it, mistitus in my breasts (1st round of anti biotics) then lots of painful lumps down there supposedly abscesses (2nd round of anti bitoics) which then gave me thrush and within that time a colicky and clingy baby. My partner is SO helpful running around cooking for me and him and helping me with the washing etc. Although I am grateful I would still like to find my feet and get back to doing these household chores too. I’ve constantly said how lucky I am to have him and shown so much appreciation.

    He decides to tell me yesterday all I’m doing is “breast feeding and holding the baby” and he’s doing everything else. Feel silly maybe but it broke my heart. I’m really trying my best and I do still cook do the washing and clean up etc when my hands are free. He told me for weeks after everything we have been through that he wants to just see me with the baby bonding with her and having her to myself. I thought it amazing that he was supportive and encouraging of that. So to my shock I was very hurt when he said what he said and felt like a bad mum/partner. I’ve constantly told him do you want me to do it or hold the baby whilst I do it (whatever he’s doing) and he insists that it’s fine and that he loves to cook and that he loves that I’m taking care of his baby. I’ve even introduced (expressed milk) the bottle in emergencies so he can take over and I can share the load.

    Am I being over the top? I’ve really tried my best with all of the aftermath of birth I feel like my body is letting me down and I’m constantly getting knocked back when trying to be this perfect partner/mum. It’s really hurt my feelings and when I confronted him with it the next day he just said you are doing a good job I was just hot and bothered yesterday.

    He’s very much an OCD person he will want something done there and then instead of doing the dishes in the next hour after I’ve finished feeding or whatever he will want it done there and then so will end up doing it himself so it’s not so much that I can’t do it he’s just not giving me the chance to do it. Any advise ladies I really feel down :(
     
  2. Babybump87

    Babybump87 Mummy to 2 Princess and 1 Prince

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    I think it’s all his problem to be honest ! If he wants things done straight away and gets annoyed when you can’t then it’s tough !

    I would find his comments hurtful too , but your a new Mum and have been through a lot . It’s going to take you both time to settle down and find your feet . I’m sure you will both adjust soon! I’m sure your a great mum and your doing the best for your baby ! Keep it up ! X
     
  3. MKaykes

    MKaykes Well-Known Member

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    I would be hurt by that too. He's probably feeling the stress of the new baby as well and a bit irritable. Often I don't think men understand the toll being a new mother takes on us. It's physically and emotionally draining. My advice to friends that became new moms in the last year is that mom and baby are number one. Everything else can wait. If everyone had eaten and is clean, that's all that matters. If your so wants more done, he can do it!

    Hopefully the mastitis and thrush is done and gone for good!
     
  4. pandn

    pandn Well-Known Member

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    No ones in the wrong here! Also the way you and your partner are feeling is very valid. He won’t ever know how you physically feel no matter how much he tries. And yes it’s true mum and bubs comes first but at the end of the day your partner is human too! He is also adjusting to the new norm. The endorphins and high of new baby are now gone and reality has hit. The house will never be spotless and you won’t have that one on one time you guys always freely had. He probably feeling left out too, as in craving some attention from you. Newborns are already hard as it it but having a colicky baby is even worse.
    It’s going to take a few months but day by day it’s going to get a lot better and easier. Your doing a great job mum! And so is your partner! Hope everything gets bettter soon.
     
  5. HLx

    HLx Mummy of 2, Baby #3 due 9th Nov 19

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    Couldn't have put it better myself! Babys are HARD work on their own let alone having a million and one house chores to do as well! I've not had to deal with the breastfeeding issues either so that made it just slightly easier from the beginning. Honestly though, I can only advise once baby is all sorted and as happy as they can possibly be anyway... are babies ever truly happy and content? Lol make some time for just you and your partner, it will be the best thing you do, even if it's just sitting down together with a cup of tea and having a chat about life which doesn't include baby or housework. One thing I do understand completely though is OCD partners, mine is the same, even though in house proud, I'm the one with 2 children already and understand that you basically will never have a show home again! He struggles with kids mess and I mean my two are 7 and 5 and there's usually toys all over the place! I'm hoping when our baby arrives in November he realises just how bloody hard it is doing it all (even though he is fantastic when he helps). Your doing a smashing job and your definitely not a bad parent! The first few months are 100% the hardest but I can promise you, once your in a good routine, things get easier x
     

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