I am going to be a single mum.....

[Anja]

and I am so scared!

It has been totally my decision, and my husband doesnt want us to split but we have been literally fighting to keep our relationship going since the day we met. My husband doesnt work as he has been a stay at home dad, but when our daughter went full time to school I asked over and over for him to start to look for work. When I fell pregnant he promised that he would definitely get a job.....4 months down the line and he has only applied for 1 job. He is lazy. he spends all day watching daytime tv while I work hard to try and support us. He washes up every day and tidies the lounge about once a week, but that is the sum of his contributions despite my asking him time and time again to help me out. I pay nearly £250 a month on his booze and fags and I have had enough. The resentment has been growing and growing as have his excuses and now when i look at him I feel nothing but anger.

The final straw came the other day when i had my hair cut really short (I have a habit of doing this when i dont feel in control of my life). when i got home he took one look st me, rolled his eyes and turned his back on me. Not a major thing but enough for me to decide that I can not carry on living with this man and actually have any happiness.

I am young (33) and want to make the most of mylife. I want to have fun, laugh and fill my time positive things. I know I have made the right decision and I know my future will be so much brighter as a result. Unlike my husband I am surround by a very loving family and alot of wonderful friends (hubby is a hermit who has no friends and doesnt like going out). Despite this I am absolutely petrified of bringing up 2 children alone and I am absolutely riddled with guilt about taking the children away from their daddy. he is a terrible husband but he is a wonderful, loving father.

Please forgive the essay.....I could write a full book at the moment.....I guess I just want/need to get it all out!!!

 

[wannabmum]

huni don't know what to say other than u have to do what u feel is rite. U'll be fine and just coz ur not together shouldn't stop him still being great dad.

xx

 

[coccyx]

Sounds like you have given this some serious thought. Brave thing that you have done. You have not taken them from their dad as i assume they will still have some contact with him. Sometimes women need to put themselves and their needs first. Good luck

 

[blondie_]

If you feel thats right do it. No way should you be forced to support him all this time when he puts no effort in looking for a job and providing a contribution to household bills. You are now pregnant and should be relaxing not doing all the hours you can to live. Have you thought about maybe giving him a limit? Like saying you have two months to get a job and provide some income or im leaving you.

Im sure youll be fine as a single mum you dont need a husband to provide love and care and he can still be a great father if you two are not together. Good luck in what you decide.

 

[Rumpskin]

You seem to determined to do this lovely.

Good luck and take care.

xx

 

[Anja]

I gave him a sort of 'ultimatum' when we found out we were expecting. I had been asking/begging him for nearly a whole year previously to get a job. When we found out I was pregnant I basically said that he had to start taking responsibility for his family and for himself as a man or there was absolutely no way our marriage could go on. He is going to get a house locally and I have told him he can see his children as much as he wants....daily if thats what the children or he wants and they can stay over night with him as often as they want. there will be no shortgage of contact but all i can think of is how i would feel if it was the other way around and I was having to leave them behind...even if i was only moving down the road. Not to be with them and live with them would destroy me. I know I cant stay with him for this reason, but jeeze ir makes it so much harder!!!!

Thank you so much for your encouraging words....god knows i need them right now....I feel an emotional wreck!!!

 

[dizzy65]

aww, that sounds terrible, hope everything works out for you, do wut makes u smile

 

[welshcakes79]

you've got to do what makes you happy hun, a happy mum is a must for kids, and you never know this might be the kick up the bum he needs to change...

 

[sam's mum]

You shouldn't feel guilty about taking your children away from their father - you said that he's a great father, and him living somewhere else won't change that...and it might also give him the motivation he needs to sort himself out and look after himself instead of expecting you to do it for him.

I think you're incredibly brave for making this decision - although it may be scary now to think about being on your own with the kids, I have no doubt that you will be a fantastic mum to them - and a happy one too, which is just as important x

 

[Anja]

I really hope it does motivate him to turn his life around and maybe he will become the man I know he has the capability to be, but while he is with me and I continue to support him he will never grow he will just continue to waste his life away infront of the TV. I want to give my children the best chance in life I can give them and for them to develop in to two well rounded and adjusted people and i know that the best way to do that is to go it alone....I dont want their lives to be centred around tv, dvd's and computer games!
I know this is the beginning of a long journey and things will probably get worse before they get better but it has to be the right choice!
I have decided to take him off the joint bank account at the end of the month which means i will be able to save some money before i go on maternity leave. I will still pay all the bills and food etc while he is still living here but if i stop paying for his cigs, wine etc I will be able to afford a pushchair, car seat, cot....all the things we need!!! He is hating me right now for doing it, but I donty see I have a choice!

 

[sam's mum]

Surely he understands that your money is far better spent on buying things for your baby than on his wine and cigs?! I'm sure he wouldn't agree with me right now, but it sounds as if you're doing him a huge favour as well as yourself. You sound like an incredibly strong person and a wonderful mother x

 

[Younglutonmum]

I really admire the decision you've made hunni



xxxx

 

[Anja]

Thank you all so much. Iam starting to feel alot stronger and alot more onfidant about the decision I have made which hopefully means that I will be able to stop the tears soon too!! i am trying to keep myself as busy as possible and am being as polite and friendly to hubby as I can without responding to his snipes nastiness (he is obviously hurting alot!)

 

[Younglutonmum]

Hope ur feeling more positive today hun!!

We're all here 4 ya!!