I am so terrified to try again

[trying2bamom]

Hey guys, I'm writing because I am so terrified right now. Me and SO are coming up on the time we said we'd start trying again to conceive. We agreed we'd start trying in January. But after my miscarriage I'm so scared . Here's a little background:

I am 35 years old and in the summer we found out that we were pregnant with twins. This was a shocker to us , because we were not trying. We tried for 2 years for our daughter, who was born December 1st 2016. After such a bad pregnancy we decided that was it. We weren't preventing, which is how we got pregnant this year.

We wrapped our minds around having twins. Then we found out one didn't grow and didn't make it. We were sad, because by this point we were preparing for twins. I Went to the doctor they said the other one was doing good, had a heartbeat, and was growing fine. Then a few weeks later I started cramping and bleeding. Went to the hospital and the other had miscarried. So I opted to go home and pass it naturally. This was such a disheartening feeling. So emotional. Afterwards me and SO decided to try again in January, the miscarriage was early Sept. And I'm so scared to go through that again. I don't know how to handle another miscarriage. Please give me your stories.

 

[promise07]

Hi trying2bamom, I don't have any stories for you as all I've had is 2 chemicals, but I saw your thread and didn't want it to be left with no response.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult that was to lose both of your babies and have to pass them at home. No one could blame you for being scared and nervous to go down that road again.

Did the doctor's have any idea what may have caused the babies to pass? How have your cycles been since then? Have you been keeping track of anything? Maybe having a plan of how to approach TTC might help you feel some sort of control over things...

Either way, be kind to yourself, you've been through so much. I am here to talk and to listen and hope to keep up with this thread. It sucks to feel alone and you're definitely not!

 

[flou]

I am so sorry for your losses. Ttc and being pregnant after a loss are tough but they can end in happy endings. I had 2 miscarriages before conceiving my son, who is a happy and healthy 3 year old. I probably wouldn't have had him if I hadn't lost the others. Then we decided to ttc number 2 in 2017 which ended in another miscarriage. We decided to have a break for a few months and then started ttc again for number 2. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my second boy. Its so hard but worth it in the end! Take time to heal and grieve your loss. You never truly get over it all but time is a great healer and you learn to cope. I hope if you decide to ttc again that you get your rainbow soon.

 

[trying2bamom]

Thank you guys for your kind words. I really have to edit that post it has a lot of typos. I'm typing on my phone so my fingers mess things up, along with auto correct.

So we are starting to try. I have been tracking my cycle since we decided we would start trying in January. so I've been tracking since Oct, so that by this time the app I use would have enough data to kind of pinpoint some things for us.

I must admit I went through all of Sept and Oct not working, and just wallowing in sadness, crying, and just not feeling good. It's the worst feeling in the world to have to tell people that you lost two babies. And I think it's another thing that I think that right now I should be entering my third trimester, and instead I'm ttcing all over again.

I will say that losing the babies made us have a discussion about having another , because after I had my daughter we truly said no more. I think that pregnancy just made us realize that we did want one more, I just hate that we lost the twins.

I am trying to be positive and move along tracking as I did with my daughter and hopefully it turns out just fine.