I can NOT believe they cleared my daughters grave!!!!!

[kam78]

I am completely devastated and lost .... Not sure where to turn so here I am ...

It's been 6 weeks since I have buried my daughter, and I have visited her resting place daily..... Well, the cemetary told me that her marker should have ready this week and placed so I have been looking so forward to seeing it... So, I just KNEW tonight would be the night, I raced to my children's daycare and grabbed them and we bolted out to see if it's there....

As I pull in I notice it did look a lil different and the closer I got the more I see , yes it does look different.... They came out and cut the grass in the baby garden and when they did, they completely cleared out everything!! Yes, EVERYTHING! They pulled all her pretties, flowers, angels, solar lights.... EVERYTHING out of the ground and threw them all away!!! When I walked up to her grave, it was just a mound of mud! I am so sick! Completely at a loss... I immediately raced up to the office, but of course they are closed so I call.... No answer ... But I remembered the lady that helped me gave me her card, thank God I kept it cuz it had her cell phone number on it! I didn't care it was after hours, I immediately called.... As I tried to speak and explain what I found tonight I fell apart.... I just sobbed..... And then, all she could say was "She was sorry, they hired a new mowing crew and that when she got there tomorrow she would look around and see what all they could find!" .... Seriously???? I don't care one shit about any of the items, it's just the idea! That is OUR sacred place, the only place I can go to visit my daughter and bring her things... I go everyday... And then they just pull everything up and throw it away like it's just crap trash along the side of the road......

I just can NOT believe this.... I feel like I have NO place now... I am so lost ... Feel like they just thought "Oh well" ... Like Emma was looked over again... My god... She's my daughter .... My daughter had a beautiful lil garden, with lil trinkets, angels, lady bugs, flowers, a trellis....So many beautiful lil things that we took to her and now all she has is a mound of mud .....

I clung more and more to that place, ecspecially since this coming Monday, August 15 was my due date with her!! I already planned on have a lil gathering for her to bring more flowers & release some balloons for her but I am so devasted..... I can't even begin to explain the pain, the lost feeling that I have....

I can not believe this....

 

[lindadonovan]

I am sorry this happened.

I am pretty sure there is a criminal ordinance against trashing a gravesite like this. I would check with the local police about this. And I doubt they needed to move all those things from the gravesite, just to cut the grass.

 

[Ohmy4]

Wow iam soooo sorry!! I would have been livid!!! I mean I would have gone ape shit on them!! I would ask for the cleaning crews company name and contact info and call them and write to them saying how badly they F*ed up. Sorry my french but they did!! UN CALLED FOR!! This is YOUR spot! Emma's spot!! And they need to treat it with RESPECT!! Its not a gosh darn football field!!! URGH! this makes me so mad!

 

[secretbaby]

((((Hugs)))) to kam.

I don't mean for this bit to sound cold or uncaring and I do not want to upset Kam. This is not the first time I have heard of something like this. It maybe in your 'terms and conditions' that you are not allowed to put stuff on the graves (it is in ours), most cemetarys turn a blind eye when it comes to the childrens section although you are not supposed to do it, therefore periodically some cemetarys do clear the graves of unauthorised items, so it is in no way a criminal act. I don't say this to cause upset but you may find they periodically do this. I feel if this is the cause of action they are going to take they should at least notify all parents so sentimental items can be retrieved for safe keeping. Our son died in may 09 and since he has been burried our cemetary hasn't done this but I have heard of many others doing it (I don't have things on Williams graves but 99% of the other baby graves do and some have alot of things on them).

Kam I know it must have been extremely distressing for you - and I hope you do get an answer as to if this is a regular thing or a one of mistake by new contractors. I think your balloon release for Monday sounds a lovely way to mark such a special day ((((hugs)))).

 

[SassyLou]

 

[Vickieh1981]

((((Hugs)))) to kam.

I don't mean for this bit to sound cold or uncaring and I do not want to upset Kam. This is not the first time I have heard of something like this. It maybe in your 'terms and conditions' that you are not allowed to put stuff on the graves (it is in ours), most cemetarys turn a blind eye when it comes to the childrens section although you are not supposed to do it, therefore periodically some cemetarys do clear the graves of unauthorised items, so it is in no way a criminal act. I don't say this to cause upset but you may find they periodically do this. I feel if this is the cause of action they are going to take they should at least notify all parents so sentimental items can be retrieved for safe keeping. Our son died in may 09 and since he has been burried our cemetary hasn't done this but I have heard of many others doing it (I don't have things on Williams graves but 99% of the other baby graves do and some have alot of things on them).

Kam I know it must have been extremely distressing for you - and I hope you do get an answer as to if this is a regular thing or a one of mistake by new contractors. I think your balloon release for Monday sounds a lovely way to mark such a special day ((((hugs)))).

Yes ours says the same. You are not allowed to have anything but headstones and chippings there - oh and fresh flowers.

However they never say anything at ours and the baby section has pretty much whatever we want on them.

That doesn't make it right and even if its that then they should have said and not just cleared everything.

I can't imagine how awful it must be to turn up and find everything you bought her in love just taken away

 

[Mellybelle]

That really is horrible. I am so sorry.

 

[kam78]

Thanks Girls.... Yes, in the rules and regulations of the cemetary, you are not suppose to leave items on the ground BUT when we was out there planning her burial they told me on more than one occation in the baby garden they are more relaxed and do NOT bother things... And they haven't so far... Except, she said they hired a new mowing crew & I'm guessing there was a lack of communication.... I just wished they had called ahead, there aren't very many babies out there, that would have taken them just a few minutes to contact us to "warn" us to remove keepsake items...
It has only been 6 weeks since we buried her and I feel like this was just another blow.. Saying "come on Kelly, move along!"

 

[Andypanda6570]

Kelly,
I am so so sorry, this just happened with me BUT they put up a huge sign that said they were clearing the sight on AUGUST 2 nd cleaning it and adding mulch to it so it looked good, it was getting over grown . Some of the babies there are gone for many years so the mom's only come maybe once a month to clean up their personal site,I knew that and I said to myself what if they don't see this sign and they come to tend to the grave and everything is gone, I said they will flip out cause I would I got Ava's stuff out days before and I warned the cleaning people maybe it was ok to throw out flowers but please don't throw out the angel statues and the things like that, they thought i was a nut and they said people had enough warning SO I said NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO some of the family do not come every other day like me, or even every week so NO it is NOT fair unless you keep the sign up for way more than a week then yes its fair so they can at least get a chance to see the sign and get their stuff ............ So of course the day before most of the graves were not cleared so I knew the moms didn't know, I know a mom whose baby died 4 years ago who comes every 3 weeks and cleans the grave like religion she does this, her grave was not cleared so I knew she didn't see the sign . So I tried as best as I could to take all the statues and important things and move them to the side, but when I went back the next day on August 2nd they were gone I was so upset, cause I knew these mom's were going to be devastated, how do you throw out a stone ,a granite stone ,with the babies name on it and date?????????????? I don't care you don't do it and it's not right, you give these people more warning, I understand they have to keep the area clean I and I know a lot of stuff is sometimes there but you need to warn people longer than a week, my god this stuff that was thrown out was not only expensive but meant so much, now the moms are going to flip out and ya know what I hope they do, this was NOT right, they should have been informed I don't care at least a couple of weeks or at least 1 month in advance. When I am there I try to tend to the graves that i know the moms only come maybe once a month too, I don't touch anything I just pick up the grass and weeds, i don't mean to do this, something inside just makes me tend to them, I don't know why I do this

I am so sorry Kelly, I would be livid I know how you feel and I can't believe i just recently went through this . This place in our cemetery is just for babies and we are aloud to leave things. The babies are all buried together in the middle of the place and there are 5 huge stones with the names of our babies on it .so women use places under the huge stones as little markers for their babies then there is a huge statue of Jesus Christ and I choose a little space there for Ava. We are aloud to do this and I am sorry i think it's disgusting they did this to you. I am so so sorry.XOXOXOOXO

 

[Waiting2bMommy]

 

[Hotbump]

Im sorry hun where my brother is buried they clear out everything once a week whether is on the ground or not including flowers and I dislike it so much because sometimes his vase is empty with no flowers or anything again Im sorry you had to go thru this

 

[kam78]

I spoke with the lady from the cemetary today, she promised me last night that when she went into the office today she would check on what happened, but when I didn't hear from her around lunch time I called... They said she had the day off! So, I called her cell number again : ) ... Asked her what she has done to fix the issue... She just kept apologizing and acted concern... She she would call the guy that is over the maintainence and she said they would look threw the garbage for Emma's things..... Breaks my heart that my daughter was just completely disrespected, over-looked and HER stuff was just thrown out like trash..... I understand they have to do upkeep on the grounds and I completely understand it IS a pain to have to mow around lil items BUT everything I was there and brought her things, I made sure nothing was in their way, I always placed her stuff in the mud, directly over her gravesite.... I am baffled... I thought of THEM and respected THEM but they didn't respect US ...

I am at a loss now, I dont' know if I should do what I done before... Decorate... Bring her pretties ... Or maybe make a memorial garden area at my home, in my own yard... I have thought of that idea and leaning more towards that BUT I hate to think my baby has a plain muddy grave! I don't know... They said her name marker should be in soon, but I don't want JUST that... I want pretties for her... So, I don't know... Completely lost and confused....

My due date with Em' is this coming Monday.... I am completely dreading this day.... I have already requested off work and was originally planning on visiting the cemetary with flowers and balloons but now I don't know ......

I'm so sorry Em' .... Mommy loves you so very much and breaks my heart that this has happened ....

Just another sick & sad moment where she has been looked over .....

 

[collie_crazy]

Oh Kam I am so sorry Regardless of what Emmas little grave looks like she knows that you love her more than anything and always will. I believe our little angels are always with us anyway - they live on through us in our hearts

I understand that cememterys may have rules and regulations about what can and cant be left on gravesites but I think in the baby gardens it should be more relaxed. I mean, we didnt get the chance to buy our gorgeous angels anything for their lives so we should be able to leave small memorial items for their little grave gardens I have been buying small things for Emilys grave and it is really helping me in some small way. I agree that things should be limited and people can go overboard and do need to remember that it is a cemetery and things should be respectful but what harm can little memorials really do!?

 

[lindadonovan]

I understand that cememterys may have rules and regulations about what can and cant be left on gravesites but I think in the baby gardens it should be more relaxed. I mean, we didnt get the chance to buy our gorgeous angels anything for their lives so we should be able to leave small memorial items for their little grave gardens

I totally agree. Cemeteries should have different rules for baby burial sites. I regret that I never got to buy any cute clothes for my son, toys, or anything else.

Anyway, I see lots of gravesites where flowers are, usually plastic ones, and they stay there for years. It doesn't seem to be a problem.

 

[kiki04]

That is awful hun I am so so so terribly sorry they did that How insensitive and hurtful

On the note of a garden... thats what I have done... I have a garden in the front of my house and we call it Hadlee's Garden. I have solar dragon flie lights in there that daddy picked out cuz they are pretty and they have wings so they can fly (as a symbolic idea) and there is a stake in there with a memorial poem on it... I dont remember it verbatim but it is a poem from Hadlee to us, telling us to dry our tears cuz she is in heaven and all she knows is love and so on and so fourth.. it is stunning and then I have a huge assortment of colors and flowers in there. Also the name Hadlee was chosen because it means Heather Meadows so it just seemed fitting to have a garden at home.. I think its a lovely idea and does give me a real sense of peace when I am working in it

I would recommend it

 

[collie_crazy]

Did you manage to get any of your little ones things back?

 

[kam78]

No, nothing... They won't return any of my phone calls now.....

I gave up ... Just don't know what to do, as far as leave more stuff or just forget it ... Very confused.. I don't wanna leave more stuff only for them to do the same but not completely sure if I want a memorial garden here at my house, so I'm clueless.....

My orginal plans for today, was to take flowers and balloons out to Emma but everytime I go out to the cemetary I just get hurt and angry all over again ... So I'm at a complete loss ... Very unsure ....

 

[collie_crazy]

I'm so sorry sweetie As though losing Emma wasnt unfair enough!!