I can't believe this! Am I over-reacting?!

[Raspberries]

Well its basically my OH's mum.
She's alright normally, we don't speak that much but she's ok. My OH still lives at home with her and his sister.

She gets drunk quite a few times a week, and the other day she was talking to me when she'd had a drink. She says she's worried that she's never going to see baby as I still live at my home. I told her I'd make sure she sees him, as although OH will be coming over to mine most time when baby's born, we will on his days off or when he's on an early shift, still regularily be bringing him back to his house.

She then said "I don't think its fair that your mum will see him more, he's my grandson too", (she knows my mum because they used to work together until july when my mum got a new job) which is totally beyond my control as I live at home and me and OH can't afford to move in together until a few months after the birth. I said we'll bring him around as often as possible but as baby will live with me, its obvious my mum will see him more cos she'll live with him too. I tried to explain this as politely as possible. (My OH just sat there beside me, not listening and watching the tv, he's never had a dad around and is a mummy's boy so didn't want to upset her.)

She then started saying that baby can live at theirs a few days a week (without me she meant) and we could 'share' him so I said that'd be impractical cos I'm breastfeeding and besides my OH has to work 5 days a week, and so does she, and plus he's my son, he doesn't need to be 'shared'.
So then she said that they could formula feed him when he's there (Noo way!) and that when they're both at work, her daughter (OH's sis) could look after him. Now I don't have anything against his sister, she's a really nice person, but she was attacked a few years back and head injuries mean she has mental problems and gets really angry over nothing and tries to hurt her mum and my OH, and has never looked after a baby before, so it's understandable that I wouldn't trust her alone with my son. (I didn't say this to OH's mum cos I didn't want to bring it up. And still my OH wasn't helping, although he started telling her to stop being ridiculous)

Aswell as all this, her and her daughter both smoke 40-a-day in every room of the house, they own 3 quite loud and untrained dogs, their house is unclean, and they both like to get drunk very regularily. This is why I don't want my son to stay at their house without me.

She keeps acting like me and OH aren't together, but we are. Eventually she started mumbling something and asked to speak to my OH outside the room, she left the door open accidentally which meant I could hear.

She told him I was being unreasonable, and that I was trying to stop her seeing her grandson, but luckily he told her to stop being so stupid and offensive to me and then when he came back he apologised and said it was just because she'd been drinking.

So many things upset me about this whole thing though.
- He is MY son, he won't be separated and living apart from me for any reason when he's born. I couldn't believe she'd even suggested it!
-I'm gonna be exclusively breastfeeding my son, there's nothing wrong with formula feeding, but I don't want to combine the two as it can cause problems with breastfeeding for some people.
- I'm not sure I'm comfortable with them looking after the baby if I'm honest, even more so after this, and it worries me them even baby-sitting now.

It just really upset me, am I over-reacting? Cos I don't think I am. I understand that cos he'll live with me and my parents for a few months they will see more of him, but that can't be helped and we'll take him to see OH's mum and sister as much as possible every week. Its not like I'm stopping her seeing her grandchild.

This opened up a whole new side of her to me. I know she'd a few glasses of wine but still these must be her beliefs normally, they've just surfaced with the alcohol.

Does anyone understand why I'm upset? My OH says I am slightly over-reacting and we'll just have to work something out with them.

 

[Pixxie]

I dont think you are over-reacting at all, I would have gone mental! If it was me I wouldnt be leaving my baby with them unsupervised either xx

 

[booflebump]

You arent over-reacting. You dont have to work anything out with them. You will come visit with the baby, and they can come visit you (when they are sober) but there is absolutely no need for a new baby to be away from its mum, breastfeeding or not xxx

 

[AP]

She then said "I don't think its fair that your mum will see him more, he's my grandson too", (she knows my mum because they used to work together until july when my mum got a new job) which is totally beyond my control as I live at home and me and OH can't afford to move in together until a few months after the birth. I said we'll bring him around as often as possible but as baby will live with me, its obvious my mum will see him more cos she'll live with him too.

Fair the woman is nuts, at the end of the day, harsh as it is, she is a grandmother, and no more than that. LO doesn't 'belong' to her in any way, (its not like she was involved in the conception!!!!) and isnt a toy to be shared nor should she complain its not fair.

What a childish woman.

By the sounds of it she has disregard for your plans of parenting and i wouldnt be living LO alone with her!

 

[smatheson]

WOW you are most definately not over reacting! That was so uncalled for and if she is drinking now would she be drinking around your child? You have every right to be upset as its your child not hers!

 

[PreggyEggy]

You are so not overreacting! Had anyone suggested to me that I let my baby live with someone else for half the week, I'd have given them a HUGE piece of my mind!

You need to be very firm with her. Make it clear that her suggestion isn't only impractical, it's downright unbelievable (how would she like it if she was pregnant and someone suggested the same thing?!). Tell her you're the child's mother, and that your baby belongs with you.

I'd have been gobsmacked, and incredibly angry. She may be related, but that gives her no right to have the baby. I think you handled the situation very well!

 

[Raspberries]

Thanks for your replies

I'm so relieved to see other people agreeing with me, my OH's reaction convinced me that I'd blown it out of proportion or something.

Its just they're the only family my OH has really, so I don't want to pick an arguement or something, but I'm hoping that by firmly but politely telling her that all his parenting is left upto me, his mother, she'll back off.

It's also the state of the house too, there's animal hair everywhere, and they don't tell the dogs off for barking/growling/jumping at me, they just say "Awww, she likes you, that's a good dog"... and I'm like "What!?" I have a dog and she's been well trained to behave. It's just not good cos they're quite big so could knock my bump now and later perhaps the baby if I'm carrying him.

 

[housewifey]

Oh ur not over reacting at all. It is completely understandable. With my last pregnancy my oh's mum suggested that she take the baby to AFRICA! YES! AFRICA! (She's originally from Africa) For a year after he is born so that OH and I can go to college and earn money! She had also had a drink in her at this point!

I swiftly told her no and explained to her that OH and i would still be going to college and uni, just a bit later than expected, she cried and told me i was ruining her sons life! And that my baby would have a terrible life! Shes also nuts haha, i know exactly how you feel!

Hope everything works out for you xxxx

 

[celestek89]

Surely if she is that desperate to see your son then she could go to you?! Would probably be better if she did, then she wouldnt be drunk and you wouldnt have to worry about the dogs or the state of the house. MIL's are all evil i swear haha

 

[sleepinbeauty]

I'd have lost it. You are a waaay better person than I am! Deffo not over-reacting at all.

 

[Tanara]

Good Luck the fight with the in laws doesnt get any easier

 

[braijackava]

No it doesn't. Me and my hubby had our first son at 16 and are now expecting number 4. I still have trouble dealing with my mil. One thing I learned about being a teen mom is, you are still a mom and in charge of your child. People think they can bully you into doing things their way. They act like they know what's best for you. But you always have the final say, and if they don't like your decision then they just have to deal with it. My mil and sister in law tried to get me to let them take my son overnight the day he came home from the hospital. They didn't like my answer but oh well. Stand your ground and good luck.