I can't do this!!!UPDATE

Discussion in 'Twins, Triplets & Multiples' started by Mea, May 31, 2011.

  1. Mea

    Mea Mum to 3 miracles.

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    I have had to step out the room Sam has done nothing but cry every time I put him down. He has started waking 4 or 5 times during the night and I have to rock him to sleep and it takes several attempts to put him back in the cot as he wakes everytime I lay him down. Poor Josh my toddler gets no attention at all apart from me telling him off as he is bored and getting into mischief.
    I am so tired and even though I love them all to bits I hate that I keep thinking how easy it would be if I had only one. Now poor Josh has to see his mum in floods of tears because she can't cope!!!
    I just needed to get this off my chest to people who I know will understand please tell me it's going to get easier!!

    A bit of an update we have had lott better couple of days and lot of that is thanks to you brilliant twin mummies on here letting me know that I am not alone in feeling like this. Also Emily my gorgeous little girl has decided to help me out a bit by sleeping through the night!!!!

    The last 2 nights she has slept from 730pm until 630am I had been waking her when Sam was waking for a feed but decided to leave her. Sam has gone back to waking twice about 2am and
    5am and I am afraid to say at 5am he is coming into bed with me or he won't go back to sleep!!!
    So thank you again for being here and for all your advice wish I could give you all some chocs and flowers :))
     
  2. Wind

    Wind Well-Known Member

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    :hugs:

    I have no advice as I haven't had my twins yet, but I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!!

    You are strong, you are brave, and you will make it through this!!
     
  3. chetnaz

    chetnaz Have 3 boys + girl on way

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    It's going to get easier! I know how you feel as I'm exactly in the same boat. Kaya is always acting up because i'm so tied up with the twins that he gets hardly any attention, and the attention he is getting is usually me telling him off for misbehaving! I feel so bad for not having the time I used to have for him and for always feeling angry towards him, but I cannot split myself in three! But I have to say now that the twins are more mobile and can sit and play or crawl around, it has got alot easier. Don't worry hun, it won't be like this forever, and when you feel down, remember all the lovely things about having twins, like how they put a smile on everyone's faces (remember your thread a few weeks back?!) and how cute it is when they interact with each other.
     
  4. ni2ki

    ni2ki 3yr old and twin girls

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    Ive only just had my girls, but i understand completely about how exhausted you must be, i hope things get easier, just remember its only a phase theyll grow up and things will get better, i havent seen my 3yr old in a week, she has chicken pox so cant have her home, i hate it, i cant even tell her im home as she'll wanna be here, she thinks im still in hospital x
     
  5. _Vicky_

    _Vicky_ Mum to twins

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    god when the boys were three months old I wanted to throw myself off a cliff!!! I hated the new born bit with a serious serious passion!!! They started sleeping through at 16 weeks and then it eased a little. I think I really started enjoying them all day every day from about a year - sorry is that too far away? Rememember though they are my first so I am sure you will get into the swing far sooner. When I felt awful and like I had no life anymore just a life sentance (god that sounds awful but **** it you need the truth) I took them to tesco - everyone loved them they smiled their way into strangers hearts and gave me the strength to carry on!!!

    Keep on keeping on sweetie - 1 day even 1 hour at a time and before you know it you will be loving every minute xxx
     
  6. keystone17

    keystone17 Member

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    You can do it. My mom is a twin and my grandmother always tells me similar stories.
     
  7. keystone17

    keystone17 Member

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    Oh, and just keep your eye on the prize. thats what my mom always tell me :)
     
  8. fuzzylu

    fuzzylu Twin mum & NPNT

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    I remember feeling like that, still do have some moments like this. Take a deep breath, if you need to put the babies down somewhere safe and have 5 mins time out. leaving a crying baby will not hurt them but an upset and tired mummy is not good for them.

    I promis it does get better, I spent several nights crying while locked in the bathroom after being awake most of the day and night due to their constent feeding. this is when I gave in and tried some sleep training (we used the baby wisperer) there are many diffrent methods around. within 2 days there was an improvement.

    having twins is a huge challange but also such a blessing.
    hope things start to improve.

    xx
     
  9. Mea

    Mea Mum to 3 miracles.

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    Thank you everyone it's so good to hear that others felt the same. I have been feeling so guilty for some of the things I have been thinking.
    I am going to go and buy the baby whisperer book and see if I can start some sort of routine as being baby led is really not working at the minute. So any tips on getting a routine started would be brilliant.
    Thanks again amazing mummys:))
     
  10. RainbowGift

    RainbowGift mother of infant twins

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    I felt all of these things. Lots of tears! One of my babies is pretty mellow, but the other is not!

    With my girl (the demanding one), I finally realized that she was controlling the mood and needed me to take control as the parent. Easier said then done when a baby is crying and screaming and it creeps into your soul and scrambles your brain!

    I finally learned that she was over-tired.

    This is the routine we have going now:
    7:30 am if they are sleeping, I wake the mellow baby first and change and feed him, then- I put him under the "Baby Einstien Developmental Mobile" (this thing is like GOLD, I HIGHLY recommend it. Next, I wake (change) and feed her.

    Now it is time for AWAKE time (the E.A.S.Y. method... eat, awake, sleep, your time) I take the baby under the mobile out and put that baby in another interesting "baby station" like, under dangling toys on a mat, with something near both hands and something soft near kicking feet to feel. I go on like this for an hour. Switching stations when a baby starts to get bored. If all stations fail, I turn on music and dance and sing. Usually the mellow one is happy to watch this and the other gets to dance with me (I make sure to dance with my boy, too, when she is occupied- don't want him to miss out just because he is so agreeable). After an hour (an hour and 1/2 has passed since waking) it's nap-time. I do not rock them. I put my boy down and get him comfy with a pacifier (my girl wont take one) and I put my girl down, usually in the swing (though I am starting to break her of this). She cries when I put her down and it always used to escalate and I would have to pick her back up. Or, it would start OFF that escalated because she is so over-tired. Now, she starts to cry and I have a very controlled and balanced energy as I rub her forehead and tell her its time to sleep, then do something quick to change the set-up and distract her (like switch the direction of the swing, or bring a blankie to her cheek) and I walk away. It takes a few days of this before it starts to really sink in, but when it does it's like magic. What mine finally does now is: cries when I put her down (weak, tired, cry) Turns her head side to side looking for the comfort of the breast, I bring the blankie to her cheek and she holds it and falls to sleep as she weakly cries. Then, both babies sleep for 1 1/2 til it's time to eat again and play again.

    They eat every three hours and they nap every three hours. I have an hour and 1/2 to nap or wash or get on the computer or eat!!!! I can't believe it's starting to come together!!!! The babies like the security of all this routine. And now they are actually starting to sleep at NIGHT (bed at 7:30 pm) because of it! I can't believe it. I never thought there would be light. PM me anytime if you want to brain-storm together.

    xoxoxo

    PS- My best friend had aroutine like this going and I thought "She does'nt understand, this will not work with my babies!!!!!! She doesn't get it!" It was hard to hear the success stories of others. But it DID work. Good luck and LOTS of love to you!!!!!!!
     
  11. auntcarrie

    auntcarrie Well-Known Member

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    Believe me, the exhaustion from lack of quality sleep really wears on you. I felt the same way when my girls were 3 months old... and I'm dreading those long nights this time around!

    I agree things get better once they start sleeping thru the night. For us, it got better around 6 months when we dropped the overnight bottle and then took turns with the wake-ups. Even if we got a really, really crappy night's sleep - we at least knew we could sleep the next night, b/c we were doing an "every-other on-duty" thing.

    Anyway hang in there. One day at a time, etc.
     
  12. Mea

    Mea Mum to 3 miracles.

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    Rainbowgift thank you for your advice i have actually printed your email so i can have ago at getting into a similar routine. I will probably be PMing you with plenty of questions along the way and probably some of my frustrations!!!

    Again thank you to everyone i am feeling better today especially after reading that i am not the only one that has a day sitting in the corner crying!!!!!
     
  13. Aftereight

    Aftereight Twin Mommy

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    I have to say three months was the turning point for us too. It helped that they went to nursery for the first time, so nursery helped wear out the twins and get them into a routine. So they were up at 7am to get changed + dressed for nursery at 8:30am. Then bottles at 10am, 1pm and 4pm in nursery, we'd pick them up at 5:30pm and get them home for a bath at 6:30pm and bottle in their sleepsuits (sleeping bags now) at 7pm. Then they tend to fall asleep during the last bottle.

    When we look after them at weekends/bank holidays we use EASY too. You can find loads of information about it at the forums here: https://www.babywhispererforums.com/index.php?board=41.0
     
  14. knitbit

    knitbit Well-Known Member

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    Hugs! I haven't had mine yet, but my boys were each very demanding... Have you tried having him sleep in the swing? We had a papasan swing that was a lifesaver. I'd swaddle and swing to get a break. Some babies just want to be held.
     
  15. BeckyD

    BeckyD Me, DH, 2 twin baby girls

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    I'm afraid I've started putting mine in the car seat when they are being fractious. Although I try and get them back out and laying flat once they have settled.
     
  16. Anna1982

    Anna1982 mummy of 4

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    Im feeling the same, Lily goes to bed like a dream, but Holly takes mulitple attempts, then when you finally get in bed shes changes her mind!
    Ive two boys as well aged 1 and 2 and feel like theyre doing without me right now, luckily there grandmas are filling in for me,
    I still feel like a bad mum though

    Im living on 5 hours sleep these days
     
  17. chan8180

    chan8180 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Mea, been meaning to reply to you for days but cant seem to find 5 mins! Just wanted to say i went through an awful stage with my boys i think i even posted on here myself as i swear i was close to cracking up! I had both boys up all night for weeks like a tag team every hour and would often just cry when my toddler walked in at 6am also tired and miserable as she was also disturbed. I tried everything to make it better but to be honest not a lot helped then all of a sudden they stopped themselves so must have just been a phase? Just keep consistent in your routine and im sure they will settle down again, in the meantime dont be too hard on yourself twins and a toddler is extremely hard!! My daughter went away for a few days last week and even though she is pretty good i realised just how much more demanding a toddler is in addition to having the boys
    Try not to feel guilty if you cant spend much one on one time at the moment it will even out eventually and im sure they will be more independant and adaptable children because of it?

    If you need to chat PM me, im still very much learning and my boys are not much older than yours but we may be able to work somethings out between us x
     
  18. RainbowGift

    RainbowGift mother of infant twins

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    SO HAPPY FOR YOU!
    Love, Jen :flower:
     

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