i can't see a baby in my future

[kipperc]

i really can't see a baby in my future i just no when i go for my scan its going to be bad news. everytime i think of going for my scan i start to panic i really can't hear im sorry there is no heartbeat again i can't bear the thought of it another baby lost but how do you think postive when this is your 3rd pregnancy and still no baby i feel like im going out of my mind

 

[L999]

Hi Kip

So sorry you had 3 losses - I feel your pain - I am so so nervous all the time - its funny you should say you cant see a baby in your future cos i often think i cant see myself with a child - but then again friends of mine who i could definitely never see with a child have one!! Try and keep positive your baby needs your positive vibes!! xxx

 

[hb1]

it's so hard.

I know when I started this pregnancy after only one loss I found myself saying - on more than one occasion - " when I mc .... " when talking about if it went wrong again - it was when - not if!! iykwim.

I think as you get further along it does become more of a reality - or you let yourself think of it that way.

Sometimes - even now - I think whether I can actually picture Ollie being here - and sometimes scare myself if I can't. It helps now his little crib's all made up and his room is getting ready.

You'll get there

hx

 

[secretbaby]

So very sorry to hear of your losses (((hugs)))

There was a 10 year gap between my eldest son and the son I lost to neonatal death, we never thought we would have a child other than our eldest son. We were so shocked and amazed to find we were pregnant with our second son. Before I had even go to the twelve week scan I knew what I was going to buy, had a boys and girls name sorted, and had his/her future mapped out in my head'''''''''''''''''''''' I had so many plans and ideas, home coming, christening, schools (not local one that failed my son, had mentally put baby down for the other school we moved our other son to)..... lots of plans... none I got to do and that added to the hurt of loosing our son.

This time I have no plans - this time I don't really have names can't get excited thinking about sillythings like cot blankets things that I used to take great pleasure in choosing (mentally although never bought them) .I have only just (36 weeks pregnant) in the last couple of weeks really started to get stuff ready, only just started preparing the 3rd bedroom- I still can't let myself think that I will actually come home with this baby, I just can't think about it because of what happened last time. This does not mean I won't get to bring baby home, it is just my way of protecting myself.

I have got past my 'magic dates' I got past the time my waters went. Got past the gestation my son was born and died at.... and it has got easier passing those milestones but its still not easy. For very different reasons I too found scans really traumatic - at first I couldn't look which was again my way of coping, but now i can.

My only advise is take things one day at a time, just one by one and gradually it does become a bit easier. I really hope things go well for you (((hugs))) x

 

[babysimpson]

Kipperc I have had three pregnancies and no baby to show for them. No matter how many you've had previously you will always worry that it is going to happen again. I can't really say how you can get more positive as I did the same as you and thought negative from the start. Is there anythign you can do like take up a new hobby or something that requires you to concentrate so you don't spend so much time worrying?

 

[wee lor]

to you x

What your feeling is very normal and exactly the same as me. I had 2mmc and this is my 3rd pregnancy, had 2 scans and everything going well, however, on each occassion I have sat in that waiting room and convinced myself that it was going to be bad news. After the 2nd scan they said my risk of mc had reduced to less than 3%, did this make me relax more, yes for about a day and then its back to worry worry worry.

Its our jobs as mums to worry about our little beans, just take each day as it comes, sending you sticky dust

 

[kipperc]

having a scan hopefully sometime next week really nervous though im so scared of seeing the screen and no heartbeat

 

[secretbaby]

Kipperc - I really hope all goes well next week (((hugs))). One thing I found that some sonographers don't know my history - so it maybe worth telling them when you book in at reception that you are increadibly nervous and worried and why then hopefully they will then be extra sensative to you.

I had a sonographer be really sniffy with me cause I asked about the amniotic fluid levels (kind of I will tell you the results later huff huff) when I explained that I lost my son to PPROM she was like - no its all there its fine..... I wish she had known my history before so she could have just told me that without me asking and cut the awkwardness.