I can't seem to enjoy this pregnancy :(

[MamaBunny2]

This will be my third pregnancy. My first two were when I was very young at age 17/18 and 21. I wasn't established, still living with my parents with my first and though I was living with my bf turned husband with my second, still relying on my parents quite a bit but fortunately still had all the items from my first pregnancy to use. Ten years later I have long since sold all of my baby items so starting all over. We were TTC but after 7 months I decided it wasn't a good idea to have a child because of financial and personal issues going on at home. Go figure that's when I got my . I wasn't happy at first but got over it and wanted to enjoy every minute of being pregnant. That has been near impossible

My SO family is very excited. This will be his parents' first grandchild. My family is much smaller and had become distant over the past year and wasn't as visibly thrilled. Since sharing the news initially with his family, his mom has been dying to tell people, as she's very excited. Thankfully she waited and we announced our news publicly at 8 weeks on January 21st. My first appointment, with a nurse, was at 8 weeks and his mom wanted to come, which was fine with me because it was a simple appointment but I felt it wasn't anything worth her being there but no big deal. I knew I needed to discuss our next appointment with my SO as we would be hearing our baby's heartbeat for the first time and I was hoping it to be just him and I sharing that moment together. Well I didn't get the chance because the nurse scheduled my next appointment right then and there in from of his mom and she instantly asked to come to that appointment, to which my SO replied "Yes". So I had to discuss that over with him. He said I should tell her she can't go but I felt as it's his mom and they pretty much made the initial decision that he should explain the situation to her It will be an invasive appointment with a full pelvic exam as well and just best if she waits til another time.

My SO and I had been eyeing up crib sets and strollers, plus looked at high chairs and swings. I had suggested that we go to other places and check everything out so we can determine exactly what we want and eventually make a registry. We plan to have a BaBy-Q coed shower/diaper party this summer, nothing fancy. His mom contacted him about getting a stroller and said it would have to be from Kmart as she didn't have the money right then and would need to put it on layaway. I found what I thought was similar to what we saw elsewhere but it was $100 more! Then later that week she texts me about a crib on a Facebook garage sale site for $40, no mattress. I didn't respond as I was having a stressful day (typical) and overwhelmed, not wanting to discuss or dismiss anything like that. Today she sent me a photo of a swing on a Facebook garage sale site for $15 and said she is getting it for me. If I ever had another baby I've always wanted one of those swings that sways side to side or they had some really nice smaller folding ones at Target that my SO and I were looking at. I texted my SO that she was getting a swing but it wasn't one we had looked at. I said I wish she would wait until him and I had a chance to go look at everything together and decide what we want or want to do and since we were planning on having a shower it'd be best to see what we get then. He was excited about the swing but got very mad at me because I was being a "spoiled brat" with my "nose in the air" and made it into a huge fight. He said I need to talk to his mom and tell her but once again I told him it's not my place as it's his mom. He should have my back and support me. I have never made him discuss anything with my mother when there has been issues or discrepancies, and there definitely has been with them.

My SO and I have been very busy working full time (he works 10+ hours a day usually) and also doing some renovations in the house - making the downstairs family room area a bedroom for him and I then painting and relocating the kids' bedroom upstairs and then preparing the nursery - plus there's housework, my two kids, errands and my appointments (luckily are further apart right now). We haven't really had time to just go out and seriously look at baby items. I figured that's something we could do a bit later into the pregnancy, I'm only 9 weeks right now. Also dealing with some other issues, financial and pet-wise - see this thread: https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/t...ent-conceived-need-vent-thoughts-welcome.html

This is the first time I'm able to do this independently, with my partner of course but not having to rely on parents or others. Him and I can get our baby nice things that we choose together and prepare for the baby. I appreciate his mom's gestures and am glad she's so excited but just wish she would be patient and simmer down a bit. I hate being in this position. I'm the bad person no matter what. My SO says I'm leaving him out and not including him in things... we haven't even had a chance to really decide things together! I feel there needs to be some boundaries established to avoid any future issues. I mentioned my thoughts on the ultrasound and delivery, but we haven't had a serious decision making discussion yet as he didn't want to be overwhelmed with future things. I feel like a terrible person not being happy about this because I know many women that are desperately TTC their first child and would trade me places in a second

 

[spunky84]

Everything sounds very stressful

You're right in that your partner should be the one talking to his mom and setting boundaries. She shouldn't be asking you to go to your appointments (your partner should have checked with you before saying yes!). She should wait to be invited. Pregnancy should really be between you and your partner. It's private and special between the two of you. Nobody should be asking to be at appointments, scans, deliveries. Invite ONLY. There's nothing wrong with inviting family/friends, but it should be invite only and both people should be in agreement.

His mom has really put you in an awkward position by essentially inviting herself, and he should really be the one to say something. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her, and it doesn't mean he doesn't want her involved. My mom was thrilled about DD. She wanted involved, but she didn't push herself in. She waited for us to invite/include her. When we didn't want her involved in x, y, z, she respected it and wasn't offended.

All he has to say to her is that this appointment will also have a pelvic exam and that it'd be best if she didn't go - he can say you're not comfortable being that exposed (I wouldn't!). Or he can say that you both want the appointments to be just the 2 of you. He doesn't even have to mention you're uncomfortable - he can say he spoke too soon and that he wants it to just be the two of you. But he does need to set boundaries. If you both feel comfortable having her at an appointment or scan or whatever, I'm sure you'd include her, but don't have to. This is a special moment for you both. There are things that I wanted my mom in on, but DH didn't agree, and I respected that because this is for him too. It's not just about me. It has to be a decision between us both. I don't think he really wanted my mom at the delivery (we had her waiting in the waiting room just in case - if it came down to me absolutely needing her in there, he accepted that and was okay with her waiting in the waiting room).

Your partner (and his mom) need to respect you on this. It's YOUR body, and I'll be damned if any man or anyone else is going to have a say of my body (exposed or not) and the same for you.

Boundaries absolutely need set.

I absolutely get that she's excited to buy stuff for the baby. However, she really needs to let you guys go through things first and really just tell you guys to let her know what you guys need. There's something exciting buying stuff for your baby. It's not like you guys are denying her, but what's the point if it's not what you're wanting/needing?

I really hope things get sorted, and you're not a bad person for feeling like this. Hopefully once things settle down you can start to enjoy it more. Even if you end up never enjoying your pregnancy, it doesn't make you a bad person. There are a lot of people out there who don't enjoy pregnancy, for several reasons

 

[MamaBunny2]

Thank you so much I should have added that he did tell her she wasn't going to be coming to the first doctor appointment... HOW he told her, I'm not sure I don't care, it is MY body and it is OUR baby - HIM and I. I'm overwhelmed by baby items right now, but do want him and I to share the fun of going out and selecting things we like. He is more for getting used items, where I would like to buy new items because I finally can. Items that aren't gifted to used off the registry at our lil shindig, that is. It's all so much on me right now

 

[Leafy]

My OH's mum was the same when we had our first. She was always texting me telling me things she had bought. Even our bottles and sterilizers!! something we definitely were going to research & choose ourselves. It used to really bug me. I told her we had already chosen certain things but she still bought her own stuff and in the end, it didnt get used so it was just a waste of money.

Luckily she never tried to come to any of my appointments though!

Hope you can work something out x