I could be there...

[superp123]

Okay so it's been just over a month for me since my third mc. I'm in a weird funk, I don't want to try again until I accomplish some goals, but I feel like I'm missing the moment. Does that sound weird? Like somehow three months of waiting, will magically close the window. I have this strange sense of urgency, but then my rational will kick in and talk me down. Arg, I'm so torn and never have I felt like such a wishy washy.
So then tonight we had dinner with friends and we're sitting there with our boys, them and their 7mth old son. All I kept thinking is I COULD BE THERE! That could be us, and it's horribly frustrating. My second mc, my edd was just months after her sons birthday. My son/daughter would be almost 5mths old! Somehow, I'm sitting there adoring this little boy of hers and thinking to myself, "why can't I make one of those!!" I'm just so tired of this feeling of inadequacy and wondering when will we be able to have one of those darling little babies in our arms. I'm tired of the pain, and I just want to give up. Just throw my hands in the air and be done. And just when the thought crosses my mind, I get pulled back in again. I can't help but sit here and think how long will it take to get knocked up again? And does it matter? Will it work this time? And do I want to take the chance, am I strong enough to try again? I'm basically a mess ladies.
There's more though. I've been working my tail off for three weeks trying to loose this poundage 30lbs to be exact and the stupid scale isn't moving!! WTF! I'm living on 1500 cals a day and exersising at least 500 of them off. Another reason to just not go there again. I'm not trying to offend anyone, but I HATE BEING FAT! This pg and or progesterone suppliements they had me on, have totally fucked my metabolism.
Then there's hubby. I swear he resents me this time. It's not as though he's outwardly an ass about it.. but he's not even tried to touch me for at least two weeks???? QUE? Why, as if I don't feel crap enough? I need to feel sexy and wanted and my DH just isn't cutting the mustard these days. LOL I'm not sure how or if it means anything at all. But I can't help but feel like it's my fault, or I'm gross or a let down or something. Any way, like I said, a mess.
Otherwise, I'm just peachy... it's just these little moments of WTF. When do they stop?
Thanks for listening.
P

 

[Parkep]

aww hun im really sorry you are feeling like this, I know with me (ever situation is different) but i would have the thought of wanting to wait after everything happend. But once i let it settle for a bit i realized i was ready and wanted to try. As far as the weight, you got to remeber too that when you start working out the muscle that you get weighs more than fat, but burn more calories, soon the weight will start coming off and you will notice a difference.
As far as you OH he is probably hurting too hun, try talking to him seeing whats going on in his mind. Im sure its nothing to do with not feeling attracted to you, He might just be really hurting i feel for you hun i really do.

 

[jacky24]

Hey hun...
I so know what you are talking about.. seing friends with their babies.. and the what if game... it is very harsh....
And the weight thing... i know i know, i keep saying i am not the women my husband fell in love with... my exstra 60pounds i have that don't belong there.... And the feeling of doing everything but getting no where.....

All i can offer is a and say i know what you are going thru....